Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Shortcuts: “My Boyfriend is a Brony”

It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.

69ba1e6df51ceb2acb84e33f03ceaa5a

I’ve been in a relationship for six months and was just told a secret: my boyfriend is a brony. I really don’t mind. He doesn’t do weird stuff really. He doesn’t look up horrible things on the Internet, or dress like a pony and go to conventions, but he wants me to watch it. I’ve tried, but I can’t watch it with a straight face. I don’t want to hurt his feelings and don’t know what to do. Help? — Not Into The Ponies

When you say “it,” do you mean the “My Little Pony” tv show? If so, why do you have to watch it with a straight face? It’s a silly, colorful, kids’ show. No reason to act as if you’re watching a Civil War reenactment on PBS. Make some rainbow-colored Rice Krispie treats and watch thirty minutes of some silly kids’ tv if it makes your boyfriend happy. Have a cocktail if that helps. And if you mean something else by “it,” like watching your boyfriend gallup around while wearing a horse’s mane, then I’d probably MOA if that’s not your thing.

I am a 38-year-old woman who has been dating my 39-year-old boyfriend for six months although I have known him for two years. He likes to go to clubs on weekends off, and, although I have gone with him a few times, I want to spend time alone with him. We have made plans to go out with no alcohol involved, but now he says he will cancel with me to go to the bar. I am concerned he won’t ever want to stop partying. — Needing Non-Boozey Alone Time

I’d be more concerned that he cancels one of the few plans you’ve made to actually be alone together. Clearly, he’s not prepared to be present in this relationship with you. MOA.

My new husband and I have been married for one year and nine months. I’m very happy with him, but I’ve noticed something weird about him. Basically, my sex drive is higher than his and now he’s got erectile dysfunction even though we used to have sex a lot. Now I can’t even remember the last time we had sex, but that’s not what bothers me. He had casual encounters on Craigslist up until 2014 (nothing for 2015 or 2016 that I know of) and he looks at porn sites instead of making love to me. He says he doesn’t cheat. Should I be worried? — Higher Sex Drive

You have a high sex drive and yet the fact that you don’t remember when you and your husband last had sex doesn’t bother you? What about your husband’s sudden erectile dysfunction? I’d be making an appointment for him asap and accompanying him to find out what’s going on, which, if I had to guess, is probably a whole lot of sex with people who aren’t you. Yes, you should be worried.

***************

Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

27 comments… add one
  • Skyblossom

    Skyblossom September 16, 2016, 8:39 am

    LW3 He’s probably having sex with himself while watching porn. That leaves a lot of men impotent because they use more force with their hand than they can get when having sex with a woman and they reach the point that they can’t get enough sensation to maintain an erection with a woman unless she is rubbing one out for them the way they do it for themselves. That makes him impotent when he is with you but able to have sex with his hand while watching porn. Do a Google search for Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction. I think Dan Savage has also had at least one column answering a question about it.

    Reply Link
    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom September 16, 2016, 8:44 am

      This isn’t about a guy who does this occasionally. It’s seen in men who are doing this daily to multiple times a day. Your husband and his hand may have a thing with each other.

      Reply Link
    • avatar

      RedRoverRedRover September 16, 2016, 10:53 am

      Was going to say the exact same thing. Also a possible porn addiction which often goes along with it.

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    ktfran September 16, 2016, 8:53 am

    I’m afraid to type Brony in my search engine at work. WTF is a brony?

    Reply Link
    • juliecatharine

      Juliecatharine September 16, 2016, 9:01 am

      A pony version of a furry is what I’m picturing…I also can’t bring myself to google it.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        Anon September 16, 2016, 9:40 am

        FYI in the first LW paragraph, the word BRONY is also a link explaining exactly what it is….you don’t have to google it

        Link
      • avatar

        ktfran September 16, 2016, 10:12 am

        Thanks! I was sort of afraid to click on that too.

        Link
      • avatar

        Rebecca September 16, 2016, 9:41 am

        At its simplest form, a guy (bro) who watches My Little Pony. At more complex forms…well, there’s MLP sexual fan fiction, costumes, web forums, etc. and…yeah, don’t google it.

        Link
    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom September 16, 2016, 10:06 am

      From the link provided by Wendy.

      A brony is a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic that is outside the target demographic of little girls. Most bronies are friendly teenagers and young adults that simply aren’t afraid to admit that they enjoy a show which is innocent, colorful, and funny.

      I was imagining something a little kinkier, like a guy pretending to be a pony during sex. This seems like a very tame secret and unless he wants to binge watch My Little Pony weekend after weekend it seems harmless and no different than any other favorite show.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        for_cutie September 16, 2016, 10:52 am

        I read the link and I had no idea Brony applied to any fan. In this case, I am a Brony, I watch it with my kids and definitely encourage my 4 yo daughter’s fandom. Just put a Rainbow Dash sticker on my car.

        Link
    • redessa

      redessa September 16, 2016, 10:54 am

      It’s nothing kinky, just a guy (a “bro”) who likes the My Little Pony cartoon. There was a boy at my dd’s high school who was a Brony. She got him one of the toy ponies for his birthday one time. It seemed a little odd to me and I thought it was one of those ironic deals, but no. He genuinely loved the show. He was a, um…. unique kid for a lot of reasons so the brony thing was hardly even worth noting.

      Reply Link
  • FireStar

    Firestar September 16, 2016, 10:07 am

    As someone who watches paw patrol multiple times a day… Watching a kid’s cartoon isn’t a big deal. My husband likes watching justice league and those cartoons. After a while I start asking about the back story about the characters. Dressing up might be more than you want to sign on to but just watching? Come on! That’s cute!

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      RedRoverRedRover September 16, 2016, 10:57 am

      Paw Patrol, Paw Patrol, we’ll be there on the double!

      My husband and I love figuring out the back stories. Like why does this city have no public services like police, fire, etc? Just a bunch of dogs? We haven’t figured it out yet. Thomas the Tank Engine is definitely living in a communist utopia though. Be useful… or else!

      Reply Link
      • FireStar

        Firestar September 16, 2016, 12:52 pm

        Paw Patrol is coming to our city. The live show. I spent an absurd amount of money on tickets. And this weekend we are going to a hockey fan village because Marshall and Chase are showing up for a meet and greet. We don’t care about hockey. At this point it isn’t a show. It’s a lifestyle.

        Link
      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover September 16, 2016, 12:59 pm

        Hahahahah. My son likes Paw Patrol, but is waaaay into Thomas these days. Luckily a guy from work was selling his son’s train collection and I got it for a really good price. Train table, roundhouse, tons of trains and tracks, some DVDs, etc. His son bought a new bike with the money so it was a win-win. 🙂

        Link
    • avatar

      Vathena September 16, 2016, 11:04 am

      The other day, I went to the ladies’ room and there was a Paw Patrol sticker on my leg. Inside my pants. No idea how it got there.

      Reply Link
    • Cleopatra Jones

      Cleopatra Jones September 16, 2016, 11:12 am

      Haha, I watched 5 seasons of ‘Avatar’ anime cartoon with my son, and I hate anime. But that particular show was quite intriguing. It had great character development, an adventurous plot, and a dark anti-hero. Plus it was steeped in medieval Asian culture.
      And truth be told, I have been known to watch old episodes of Spongebob with no kids present. 🙂

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    Amber September 16, 2016, 11:11 am

    My 4 year old loves My Little Pony 😀 My son, my husband, our niece, and I all went as MLP characters last year for Halloween 😀

    Reply Link
  • othy

    othy September 16, 2016, 11:20 am

    I feel like some rainbow drinks are in order for LW1:

    http://www.howlatthemoon.com/rainbow-cocktails/

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Andrea G September 16, 2016, 11:53 am

    Meh I’m not sure about that BRONY stuff. I was a huge fan of My Little Ponies as a kid and I was discussing it with a coworker of mine who is a Furry. He showed me some BRONY related websites and art work and….well….there’s more going on than Bon-Bon making cookies.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      RedRoverRedRover September 16, 2016, 12:12 pm

      That’s for bronies who are also furries though. Not all bronies are furries, some are just hardcore fans of the show. Like think of the guys who are super into, say, Transformers, and they get all the toys and see the movies and everything even though they’re adults. Like that, except with MLP.

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    Ron September 16, 2016, 12:03 pm

    LW #2 — your bf sounds like a serious alcoholic who can’t be from his booze long enough to spend a sober night with you. The odds of this improving are slim, especially since he seems unwilling to put the booze on hold for even one evening. MOA.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    ele4phant September 16, 2016, 12:58 pm

    So, to my understanding this Brony thing is like a huge sub-culture that has, in some pockets, some pretty misogynistic and otherwise weird components. As in, has some ties to the MRA community.

    Most guys I’m sure are just enthusiastic fans of the show and nothing more, but if I was told by someone I was dating that they self-identified as a Brony, yeah, I’d want to take a closer look at what they meant by that.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    wobster109 September 16, 2016, 1:17 pm

    Maybe brony guy wants LW to watch with him and not play with her phone or multitask during that time? That could get annoying. I’d be pretty annoyed if my friends wanted me to watch and pay attention to every football game. LW, maybe you and bf can trade off, for example you watch MLP with him for half and hour, and then he runs with you for half an hour. Or he can learn to accept that you’ll do your own thing while he watches MLP.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    dinoceros September 16, 2016, 1:57 pm

    I’m fine with whoever wants to watch My Little Pony, but liking it to the point where you seriously call yourself a Brony seems a bit much to me (in terms of me choosing to date someone). Same for any other fandom that has a name.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Scarlet A September 18, 2016, 12:28 pm

    LW1, I think it’s fair and healthy to just say “Sorry honey, not my thing. Have fun though! I’m going to read a book/go out with a friend/catch up on my email/whatever. See you at 7?” You don’t have to share all of your man’s interests, not even the hugely absorbing ones. Just use his Pony Time as Me Time.

    Reply Link
  • Skyblossom

    Skyblossom September 19, 2016, 8:34 am

    Just wanted to second this. While it is perfectly fine for him to watch MLP it is also perfectly fine for you to decide you don’t want to watch it. You can tell him that you’ve tried it and don’t find it as interesting/fun/engaging/whatever as he does. You won’t push him to not watch it and he shouldn’t push you to watch it. If it becomes apparent that he needs you to watch the show with him, that he needs it to be couple time, and you aren’t up for that then you know the two of you aren’t compatible. If he’s fine watching it while you do other things then fine.

    Reply Link

Leave a Comment