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Shortcuts: “My Boyfriend Likes Women With Flat Stomachs”

It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.

This guy and I have been dating for seven months and he just told me he prefers women who have small waists, flat stomachs, and big butts. I’m tall and slender and I have a butt, but it’s not big and, while my stomach is flat, it isn’t a washboard. He told me he likes me a lot and wants to move forward with our relationship, but he prefers I wear a sexy gown to bed instead of my sexy boy shorts and a tee shirt. I really like him, but I’m thinking I need to dump him. I’m offended that he would tell me something like that. I’m an attractive woman and can have any man I want. I’ve had five children, and he’s the first guy I have dated since I got divorced. Do you think I’m being too sensitive? Should I listen to him and change my sleep wear? I don’t like being put in this situation, and I think I should just cut my losses. — Flat But Not Washboard Flat

 

You’re probably being a little oversensitive, but, since this is the first guy you’ve dated post-divorce and you’re an attractive mother of five who thinks she can have any man she wants, why commit to just one dude? I say play the field a little, wear what you want when you want, and, if someone says something that offends you, say something about it. If he continues offending you, MOA.

I started dating this guy a few months ago. My mom found him. He’s very kind and polite. His license was revoked due to a DWI, but he’s supposed to get it back anytime now, so I was able to accept that. He lost a good job and switched to the glorious industry of an Italian Restaurant out in Rural Country. I accept this as, once he drives, he will grow in his personal life. I am 4 1/2 years older. I have two small children. My issue is that he has a guy “FRIEND” whom he allows to come to my street, and they talk and I can’t meet them. It’s my house — he doesn’t live there. I have two small girls in my house and I’m a single woman living there alone, and he’s telling strangers where I live and won’t let me meet them! Why would he be protecting their privacy and not mine? I told him not to have that person on my street, yet they said I’m not seeing eye-to-eye! What in the world am I not seeing? Other than the man’s face who knows where I live? Am I wrong? I’m not caving in on this. He can meet the guy at his parents’ house or elsewhere. If I don’t want people at my house I don’t know, don’t I have that right? — It’s My House

 
I can barely follow your letter, but it sounds to me like your shady boyfriend is doing shady stuff with shady guys in front on your house. Why your house? Because he doesn’t want the shady people he’s meeting or the cops knowing where he lives and he doesn’t want his parents in his shady business. Cut your losses and MOA. You have two young daughters who don’t need to be subjected to all this shadiness.

I cheated on my boyfriend of two months with his best friend. The boyfriend, “Mark,” left me the next day. I still talked to his best friend, “Tate,” whom I cheated with, and we soon began dating. It’s been four months and, although I love him, I still have feelings for Mark and wish we could still be together. I wish I could explain that it was a rough time for me and I didn’t know what I was doing, but it’s too late now that he has moved on. Now I have both of them on my plate, so what should I do? — Full Plate

 

Actually, you do not have both of them on your plate. You have one on your plate. If that seems like too much to handle, then it’s probably a good time for you to clean your plate and focus on yourself for a while.

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

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{ 88 comments… add one }

  • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 12:39 pm

    lw2 – your boyfriend is probably a drug dealer. and why on earth would you date someone with no license due to a DWI? and why would your mom want that for you? weird.

    • Fabelle Fabelle December 13, 2013, 12:43 pm

      I just love the phrasing she uses— “my mom found him.” Like, oh cool, where? He was just lying around somewhere, & she picked him up and brought him to you?

      Also, I love how many times Wendy used the word “shady” in her response because yeah, seriously, that is some shady-sounding shit. LW, tell this guy you’d like to stop seeing him, & you hope this means he will take his shady dealings onto another rando street.

    • avatar Guy Friday December 13, 2013, 12:44 pm

      So apparently this isn’t doing the subsetting of comments anymore. . .

      LBH: Everything else in that letter screams sketchy, but I don’t know about the license suspension thing. If the guy made a dumb mistake but got treatment and has been staying sober, I don’t know that the conviction makes him a guy not worthy of dating. The rest of the stuff might though.

      • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 12:47 pm

        GF – It says nothing about any treatment or staying sober. I tend to think a dwi is more than just a dumb mistake though. It can kill people, easily.

      • avatar Banana December 13, 2013, 12:50 pm

        GF: the thing is, considering he is apparently dealing drugs or doing something and using her house as his meet-up spot, he doesn’t sound like the kind of guy who made one dumb mistake. He sounds like a serially selfish guy who endangers others for his own fun and profit.

      • Dear Wendy Wendy December 13, 2013, 12:50 pm

        Just FYI: There was a WordPress update launched yesterday and it’s causing tech issues on DW. Hopefully, we’ll have things fixed and back to normal by end of day Monday.

    • avatar Banana December 13, 2013, 12:46 pm

      Yeah, that was weird to me. She said he had a DWI but he was getting his license back soon so she was okay with it. Does that mean that the only thing about that that bothered her was that he couldn’t drive for a little while? And not that he HAD A FREAKING DWI?

      • kare kare December 13, 2013, 1:05 pm

        I dated someone with a DWI. He had been drinking and stayed the night at a friend’s house. He was pulled over the next morning for not signaling far enough in advance. Obviously he smelled like booze, but he passed the sobriety test. He failed the breathalyzer though. After a year of dating, it got dropped to obstructing a roadway. Honestly, I know a lot of people with DWIs or DUIs with similar stories, so I wasn’t that phased. Everyone makes mistakes, so as long as the guy isn’t continuing to drive drunk, I would not make it a deal breaker.

        However, sounds like this guy is a low level drug dealer or at the very least has a drug problem.

        • muchachaenlaventana muchachaenlaventana December 13, 2013, 1:45 pm

          yeah one of my best friends has a dwi or dui forget which but she got it in a similar way, is probably the best person i know, and passed the field sobriety and just *barely* was over the legal limit, and was on her period which apparently makes your blood thinner and alcohol stay longer? etc. soo I try not to judge people who have an offense like that. but the rest of the letter makes him seem like a shady cat that is dealing drugs.

          soo MOA all of you.

          • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 1:50 pm

            mucha, don’t you think your friend would be not the average? like, I highly doubt the vast majority of dwis are from stories like that.

            • muchachaenlaventana muchachaenlaventana December 13, 2013, 2:10 pm

              yeah very true, although it would be better if that were the average because there is no way in hell she will ever get in a car to drive again after drinking, ever and sadly a lot of people with dwi/duis are repeat offenders.

              • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 2:24 pm

                yea, I was just discussing with Iwanna that it would make more sense to have the punishments tiered or raise the bac limit to make more sense. i guess its hard to determine though, since everyone’s bodies are different. but someone with a .09 shouldn’t be punished the same as someone with a .25.

                • muchachaenlaventana muchachaenlaventana December 13, 2013, 2:38 pm

                  yes very true! also like i mentioned being on your period/other hormonal issues/being sick/tired can all effect your BAC. Unless I have had a minimum of one or two drinks over the course of 4-5 hours I really don’t like to drive just because I know how off the BAC system can be.

                  OH also your point about punishment-totally agree. My friend has to go to AA and do tons of community service (on top of what she does normally, which is more than 99% of people) and it just seems sort of off? She also can’t drive for a whole year and has to pay well over $3,000 in fines etc. She is not an alcoholic or even a habitual drinker, so it just seems like such a waste on someone like her.

        • avatar spark December 15, 2013, 10:23 am

          To all the people who think you “passed” field sobriety exercises: you didn’t. If you had “passed,” you would not have been arrested and subjected to a breath test. Simple as that. The officer thought you were impaired, had you perform some exercises (which confirmed his suspicions), and then had you do a breath test. If you had “passed,” you would have driven away from the scene.

          • avatar Guy Friday December 16, 2013, 11:02 am

            That’s completely untrue. Passing Standard Field Sobriety Tests do not in and of themselves prevent further action from being taken. I can’t count the number of cases I’ve had where the SFSTs were passed and the officer still arrested them. Hell, I have a case right now where the client passed the SFSTs, blew zeros on the breathalyzer, was STILL arrested, ended up getting his blood drawn, had nothing in his system above the therapeutic levels, and is STILL being prosecuted for DUI. So, yeah, don’t assume it doesn’t happen.

  • landygirl landygirl December 13, 2013, 12:46 pm

    These letters are truly worthy of Facepalm Friday.

  • avatar Banana December 13, 2013, 12:53 pm

    Also, LW2: someone I knew a long time ago once dated a drug dealer without realizing it, for two years. She admits she was naive at the time, and she didn’t believe that someone as considerate and polite and gentlemanly was also selling coke on the side and making TONS of cash off of it — but also endangering both of their lives, through the connections he was making with dangerous people and the fact that she was visibly important to him. She says in hindsight it was painfully obvious (paid for everything in cash — and lots of other things) but she just didn’t want to see it. Just because he’s a nice, polite guy your mom set you up with, doesn’t mean it’s impossible for him to be doing something shady. No guy is worth putting up with that.

    • muchachaenlaventana muchachaenlaventana December 13, 2013, 1:46 pm

      ha I have dated no less than 3 drug dealers… just bud though? does this count.

  • avatar A La Mode December 13, 2013, 1:02 pm

    LW1: If a guy is willing to nitpick that sort of thing about you, he isn’t worth sticking around for. Once you change the nightclothes you sleep in, it’ll be something else. Maybe he’ll start complaining about your arms not being toned enough. Once you start doing squats and crunches, maybe he’ll start giving you the side-eye every time you want ice cream, too. I’ve found that if a guy values your inner self, he’s going to see that small compromises (like your preference for boyshorts and a tshirt to sleep in as opposed to a nightie) are so worth it to be with a wonderful woman. So early on into the relationship – and with so much on your plate, with your kids and all – it’s probably wisest to just MOA.

    LW 2 – MOA before he gets you charged with aiding and abetting.

    LW 3 – MOA. If you have to choose between two guys, the answer is no guys. These two don’t deserve for you to toy with them. Focus on yourself for a while.

  • GatorGirl GatorGirl December 13, 2013, 1:05 pm

    LW1 the guy sounds a little nitpicky (I wouldn’t put up with a guy critiquing my body), but nighties can be super comfy!

  • avatar JB December 13, 2013, 1:06 pm

    Actually, I disagree with Wendy in her first sentence to LW #1. She is NOT being oversensitive! To have a boyfriend say he prefers women with a different body type than your own is rude and cruel. It’s not like she can change it. Why doesn’t he do her a favor and go find someone who fits his picture of the ideal women? And, good luck with that: the combination of a small waist and flat (washboard?) stomach with a big butt is not common and often only the result of cosmetic augmentation. What a shallow jerk.

    • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 1:10 pm

      jb, i assumed he only said that in response to her asking what his type is. obviously, grow a brain and realize that might hurt someone’s feelings, but it might have been a harmless comment.

  • kare kare December 13, 2013, 1:10 pm

    So two of my friends have been on dates where the guy was arrested and given a DWI. One was out for a birthday date, the guy drove and had a fender bender with someone he knew. That guy called the cops, her date was arrested, and the cops left her on the side of the street at 3 am on a weeknight. The other girl was with a guy that did a rolling stop, got pulled over, failed the breathalyzer. She was arrested too for a PI. Both girls said they obviously knew they couldn’t drive, but the guys didn’t seem buzzed at all. I think it’s very easy to misjudge your BAC.

    • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 1:15 pm

      kare, idk. you KNOW when you are drinking more than 1 drink, so even if you feel fine, you still know that you had more than 1 drink and therefore are risking it. Bottom line imo: Its not hard NOT to get a dwi.

  • CatsMeow CatsMeow December 13, 2013, 1:15 pm

    LW1: If I had a boyfriend who said he’d like me to wear a sexy nightgown to bed, I’d tell him to buy me one and then I’d wear it sometimes for him, and sometimes wear my boy shorts or whatever else I thought was comfortable. I admire your confidence, but sometimes the attitude that you can “have ANY man” leads you to avoid compromising on little stuff because you constantly think the “perfect” man is out there and available FOR YOU. I’m not in any way encouraging you to settle, though. Your boyfriend kinda sounds like a jerk, so listen to your gut.

    LW2: DTSMcSBA (Dump the Shady McShadezballz Already!)

    LW3: I like Wendy’s idea of cleaning your plate. What a mess.

    • iwannatalktosampson iwannatalktosampson December 13, 2013, 1:27 pm

      I think in this case you mean “listen to your flat yet not washboard stomach”

      • iwannatalktosampson iwannatalktosampson December 13, 2013, 1:28 pm

        That was a response to cats. Also what’s going on? It’s like everything is hard today. And not the good kind of hard.

  • FireStar FireStar December 13, 2013, 1:29 pm

    LW1 – did you change somehow in the time since your boyfriend met in the last 7 months? If he met you looking like you do – then he signed on. If he doesn’t like what you bring to the table then he can keep looking. I hate bait and switch and I hate this – this “almost good enough but just needs a little tweaking”. Sign on or don’t sign on. You can talk about preferences and ask a partner to accommodate you but seven months in having issues with your figure – the one you always had – never mind the nitpicking about a negligee – sounds like more requests for changes are coming your way.
    LW2 – Your mom picked wrong. You have small children. Their safety has to come first. You know this guy is involved in things he shouldn’t be. So if you need the push to do the right thing and to get rid of him and his sketchy friends – consider yourself shoved.
    LW3 – sounds like a good time to be single. The man you cheated on moved on – like he should have. And no one deserves to be someone else’s consolation prize. Cut the best friend loose – this isn’t the relationship for either of you.

  • GatorGirl GatorGirl December 13, 2013, 1:33 pm

    The replies are all wonky, but GGuy and I have been talking about wanting a breathalyzer for a while. I basically have no idea what .08 means in terms of my actions. I know what it means in terms of # of drinks per hour, but actually seeing/feeling what .08 is like I think would be a good experience.

    Any who. After my car got all hit and run up on, we crime searched to see if anyone got a DUI near our place, and a 19 year old girl was arrested at the Checkers down the street for DUI with a .155 (.155!!!!!) BAC. Whoah.

    • iwannatalktosampson iwannatalktosampson December 13, 2013, 1:46 pm

      Reply to GG – I was in court last week and a girl was sentenced for a DUI with a .35 BAC. LITERALLY ALMOST DEAD. And yet driving.

      • mandalee mandalee December 13, 2013, 1:56 pm

        GG- Yeah, .155 is definitely high but if they used a breathlyzer rather than a blood test to calculate the BAC it can be imperfect depending on when you last drank and when you take the test. My friend has an old breathalyzer from a cop in his family (don’t ask me how it got it, I have no clue lol) and we used to always play the breathalyzer game where we were in a contest to see who could score the highest BAC. Also, granted we were 19 and stupid, but it was educational at least. Basically, if we did a shot and then blew into the breathalyzer the number would read out stupid high because of the high amount of alcohol content in your saliva at the time. So, basically, if someone took a bunch of shots than got right in the car, they are definitely drunk but they may not be “pass out or die” drunk but will blow that number anyway.

    • theattack theattack December 13, 2013, 2:14 pm

      GG, I saw a breathalyzer at Bed Bath and Beyond recently. I want one so bad too. It could help you know if you need to walk around the block for half an hour before driving home and potentially save your future.

  • CatsMeow CatsMeow December 13, 2013, 1:34 pm

    It sounds to me like LW1 does have the figure her boyfriend prefers. Flat tummy with a butt? Shit, I’ll take it.

    (Also: Did anyone else immediately think “itty bitty waist with a round thing in yo’ face”?)

    • FireStar FireStar December 13, 2013, 1:37 pm

      @Cats I thought that when I read JB’s comment. No plastic surgery needed. Sometimes it is just a cultural thing.

    • avatar Breezy AM December 13, 2013, 4:21 pm

      This reminds me of how Mr AM and I had an “issue” in our early years because he said he was a “face guy.” I’m not exactly the elephant man, but I have a very distinguishing birth defect in my eye. So I was all butt hurt and sniffy, much like miss tiny waist and flat but not washboard tummy. So I blew up one day about it and he was like what the actual fuck are you on about you DO have a great face jesus christ.

      My point is… her guy may well think her tummy IS flat and her ass be just fine. I mean have you SEEN how tiny some asses are lately? A friend of mine who lives in FL once described the beach scene in her town as full of girls who look like they sliced a grapefruit in half and constructed their asses that way.

      • avatar Ammie December 13, 2013, 6:22 pm

        Breezy, that was exactly what I thought… that he was trying to tell her that he loved HER body type, just being playful about it by not outright saying so. That’s what I’d do if my guy asked me… I’d basically describe him and hope he took the hint. ;)

  • avatar SasLinna December 13, 2013, 1:43 pm

    I always sort of roll my eyes at “I can have any man”. I know it’s not meant seriously, but still – if you can have any man, then sure, go out and get them! No need to ask permission to dump this guy.

  • avatar starpattern December 13, 2013, 1:51 pm

    LW1, is your boyfriend otherwise an asshole, or does he say stupid shit about things that are not you? If he is boneheaded across the board, address these comments and tell him how to have some TACT. There is no reason to tell your girlfriend you prefer X body type which is unlike hers. Just no. And the way you get your girlfriend to wear sleepwear you find sexy is – like Cats said above – you buy it for her as a present (a just-because present… not for an occasion like a birthday or Christmas).

    If he’s not like this in all areas of his life, MOA yesterday.

    LW2 and LW3: …Huh?

  • GatorGirl GatorGirl December 13, 2013, 1:53 pm

    @IWTTS holy shit!! I can’t even imagine how much booze you’d need to drink!! I’m going to google it.

    Oh I found a fun chart. http://bloodalcoholcalculator.org/bac-charts/

    I’d need to drink 10 beers in an hour to hit that BAC. goodness.

  • GatorGirl GatorGirl December 13, 2013, 2:01 pm

    @mandalee Our local PD release crazy public records and that was her blood tested BAC 2 hours after getting pulled over. I bet she is the loon who hit my car and drove away! She also got pulled over because she went straight in a turn only lane. Come on!

    • mandalee mandalee December 13, 2013, 2:53 pm

      Okay, then yeah if that was her blood test level, then she was shitfaced lol Good candidate to do a hit and run,

      I’ve been in a position to have a breathalyzer done a few times and I’ve always refused it and asked for a blood test instead. So, I figure if I was sober enough to remember to refuse it and hope for a lower BAC in the blood test I couldn’t have been blackout drunk. haha Two times it came back right at the legal limit, and the third time it was over the limit but I think the cop took pity on finding me in a bush trying to piece together my broken phone that he took me home after the test. Thankfully, I’ve never driven drunk but I was a get drunk and dasher in college, so I met the cops many times on my stumbling home.

  • avatar bethany December 13, 2013, 2:04 pm

    I had a BAC of .288 once. I ended up in the hospital. There’s no way I could have even let myself into the car at that point.

  • theattack theattack December 13, 2013, 2:06 pm

    I disagree with the advice to LW1 too. It sounds like he might have been complimenting you and saying that he loves your body. He said he likes flat stomachs, which you have, but all you can think of is that your stomach could be flatter. If he’s not otherwise a douchecicle, maybe he was saying that you have a flat stomach, and that turns him on. Put his comment in the context of who you know him to be. If he’s never been an ass to you before, he’s probably not trying to be one now. Pajamas aren’t a hard compromise in a relationship either. Some things about you shouldn’t be changed because that’s who you are, but your pjs don’t make your identity. Why don’t you compromise and wear something sexy two or three times a week and keep wearing your comfortable clothes the other nights? Then again, if you’re looking for a reason to leave him, then go right ahead.

    LW2: If he’s not a drug dealer, he’s a drug user. No, you should never let strangers on your property (where a child resides!), especially when you’re not “allowed” to meet them. Your boyfriend needs to go.

    LW3: So you were the cause of Tate (probably) losing his best friend, and you’re still just casually dating him with no real commitment to him? That’s pretty selfish. Move on from both of these guys so maybe they have hopes of repairing their friendship, and do it now before Tate gets too attached to you. Don’t be unfair.

  • Fabelle Fabelle December 13, 2013, 2:16 pm

    Yeah, it’s not hard to NOT get a DUI, but for anyone who drinks outside of their home & lives in a suburban area where driving is the main mode of transportation… it can actually be kind of a common thing? Maybe not even “getting a DUI is common”, but “driving after having a couple drinks” is definitely something that’s normalized in certain places. And .08 looks different on everybody— someone can be stumbling at that BAC, & other people can not look/act drunk at all. It’s ~never~ okay to drive drunk, obviously, but I fall on the side of there being a spectrum— from “stupid mistake/weird circumstances” to “you’re a reckless shithead”

    And as for LW 1— I realize I haven’t commented on this, but I feel like I disagree with everyone? I don’t think what the dude said was that bad. His body type preference seems close to the body type preference LW possesses, so that makes it doubly “not that bad”? And I mean, don’t you guys talk about body type preferences with your S/O at all? Like, my bf knows I love his body, but I also have a thing for really lanky dudes. He likes my body, but sometimes he makes a comment about a girl who’s either thinner or curvier than me, like “her body is nice” & it’s fine. Or “her ass is nice” & it is an ass unlike mine. People can like all kinds of things?

  • Fabelle Fabelle December 13, 2013, 2:19 pm

    Oh also @bethany my roommate in college one time was hospitalized with a similar BAC! Craziness. And when people found her (passed out in the lobby area of the dorms), she had no identification on her, just the room key. So they knew what room she was in, & didn’t know if it was her, or me. Campus police wound up looking on FB, finding me (“in a relationship with”) & my then-boyfriend, tracking him down, & asking him if I was okay. I was, so they realized it was her. Annnnd then we all took a trip to the hospital.

    • iwannatalktosampson iwannatalktosampson December 13, 2013, 2:26 pm

      Yeah I blew .29 in college once. But I was 17! And it was the first weekend of college! I thought my Dad was going to kill me. I blacked out for like 8 hours straight, and then got in trouble because I tried to go home with no shoes, no purse, no phone, and no access card to my dorm. And the guy wouldn’t let me in! Fucker. Probably because I looked homeless.

  • GatorGirl GatorGirl December 13, 2013, 2:28 pm

    I’ve never been breathalized, is that weird? And no one I was close with in college had a drunk hospital experience.

    This one girl on my floor freshman year did pee in the hallway while shitfaced drunk outside of the RA’s door. That was weird.

    • theattack theattack December 13, 2013, 2:34 pm

      I’ve never been breathalized either. Guess I’m just good with cops because it is not from a lack of opportunities.

  • iwannatalktosampson iwannatalktosampson December 13, 2013, 2:32 pm

    I’ve been breathalized a lot. Sorry for partying.

    • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 2:39 pm

      I never have been either. But I did have to do the 3 tests things once.

  • avatar rieux December 13, 2013, 2:36 pm

    Wow…

    LW2: “His license was revoked due to a DWI, but he’s supposed to get it back anytime now, so I was able to accept that.”

    So, it’s OK with you for him to be a drunk driver (meaning, he’s basically OK with murdering people), as long as he’s reasonably close to being allowed to try to murder people again? But if he had received a more fitting punishment like, say, having his license revoked forever, you wouldn’t accept it? Also, yeah, he’s probably a drug dealer, but I’m not even sure that being a drug dealer who brings other drug dealers to your street is that much worse than being a drunk driver.

    LW1: Your boyfriend likes women with small waists and flat stomachs? WHAT AN ORIGINAL AND UNIQUE MIND HE MUST HAVE. How kind of him to share his preference that he came up with all on his own with you. Just a coincidence that it corresponds EXACTLY with what allllll of society continually tries to convince us is the only acceptable body type in a woman, and what all of society tells men is what makes women valuable as status symbols.

  • GatorGirl GatorGirl December 13, 2013, 2:40 pm

    @IWTTS and TA Yeah, it’s not my lack of partying, but rather my skill at avoiding the police back in the day? I was the person jumping out of windows and hiding in bushes. IDK, I was lucky.

  • bittergaymark Bittergaymark December 13, 2013, 2:40 pm

    Here I was all ready to go MADONNA-cuts friday… But NONE of these LWs is worthy of even the worst of Madonna lyrics. No way. No day.

    LW1) Yeah. Dress like shit every night before coming to bed. Nothing turns a man on more than dressing like a dumpy dude that doesn’t even try to look good. FIVE fucking kids? You? Seriously? No wonder the world has gone to absolute hell. Only the idiots are breeding!! Which brings us to letter two…

    LW2) Ugh! Stop being a fucking idiot already!! You have kids for Christ’s sake. And STOP listening to your mother unless she starts telling you to TIE your fucking tubes!!

    LW3) Grow the fuck up. Stop lying to yourself. Newsflash! If you REALLY care about somebody You DON’T run right out and bang their best friend.

    Parting Madonna lyric: “everybody’s looking for something. everybody is stupid. stupid…”

    • theattack theattack December 13, 2013, 2:48 pm

      @BGM, Yes to everything you said. And because you said “dress like a dumpy dude,” can we please talk about the lack of men’s sexy clothes in the world? I don’t mind dressing sexy (as long as the effort is appreciated at least some of the time), but I’m sad that there’s not really a male equivalent. Someone design some slutty (but not corny) men’s lingerie stat, please.

      • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 2:50 pm

        long johns. seriously.

        • theattack theattack December 13, 2013, 2:52 pm

          LBH: You’re special.

      • bittergaymark Bittergaymark December 13, 2013, 2:56 pm

        Um… Boxer briefs? Been around quite a while now. See early Marky Mark…

        • theattack theattack December 13, 2013, 3:02 pm

          Geez, you don’t have to be mean about it. I was just trying to have a conversation with you, but fine. Whatever. Boxer briefs are hardly the same thing.

        • bittergaymark Bittergaymark December 13, 2013, 3:45 pm

          Well, they are about all a man can wear and look sexy. They need to fit well. Tight. International Male has been trying for DECADES to create sexy male underwear… But all the designs are pretty corny and cheesy… If you want a good laugh go check it out. HOT guys — many looking absurd. PS. Never underetimate the power of the simple eroticism of a jock strap…

  • Fabelle Fabelle December 13, 2013, 3:07 pm

    I mention this from time to time, but my boyfriend wears lingerie. It’s the feminine kind, though, or the super outlandish (i.e. corny) kind. They have websites that specifically sell lingerie for men, but they are preeeeeeeetty crazy-looking. I don’t personally find it sexy (like, I have to do some mental gymnastics to find it sexy on him, but it also doesn’t, like, turn me off, so whatever) but some items are interesting?

  • GatorGirl GatorGirl December 13, 2013, 3:09 pm

    Yeah…boxer briefs are not nearly the same thing as a lacy strappy, takes 10 minutes to get into get up.

    Also, I think you where kinda rude in your first post BGM. There are plenty of boy short and t-shirt combo’s that are sexy, and some guys prefer them to the fancy get ups. Also, you try sleeping in one of those contraptions. It’s not always comfortable.

    • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 3:21 pm

      ta, haha. I love them. He’s got a bubble butt.

    • bittergaymark Bittergaymark December 13, 2013, 4:01 pm

      Eh… Boy shorts and tees are almost NEVER as sexy as most who wear them think they are… Much like men and bad facial hair. People are RARELY good judges of what looks good on them…

      • avatar TECH December 13, 2013, 4:03 pm

        I had an ex who used to love me wearing boy shorts. I guess it’s in the eye of the beholder. If he likes it, he likes it!

      • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 4:14 pm

        Huh? Every guy I know thinks boy shorts are hot on girls. Maybe you don’t like them simply because you’re not attracted to women.

  • avatar bethany December 13, 2013, 3:14 pm

    You guys should see the horrific outfit I wore to bed/around the house the other night. Dave looked at me and shook his head, and goes “You know how I know I really love you? I want to hug you despite the fact that you’re wearing THAT”.
    It was pretty bad.

    • theattack theattack December 13, 2013, 3:18 pm

      Let’s hear it, Bethany. Sounds intriguing.

      I say that all bets are off during winter though. Sorry, but I’m not hanging out almost naked in the cold unless we’re for sure having sex. Not worth it. I’m naked under this warm sweat shirt if you want to stop by, otherwise check back in the spring.

  • Kate B. Kate B. December 13, 2013, 3:16 pm

    Letter #1: I’m going to address the nightie issue first. These things are negotiable. I don’t mind suggestions as to what to wear, as long as I can do the same. I had a BF once who liked me to pick out clothes for him, because he admired my taste and knew that it turned me on to see him dressed well. (Not to mention the helping him do up his buttons, fix his tie and such. If you wrap. you get to unwrap. ;)) If he asks me to wear something that turns him on, well, I benefit from that, so it’s fine by me. But, if he wants to dictate my entire wardrobe before I leave the house – no. that’s controlling. This sounds like a negotiable issue, so long as it’s balanced. Now, with regard to his comments about your body type. You must have something he likes or he wouldn’t be with you. I do think it’s a little rude to say what he said. There will always be someone with a flatter stomach, better hair, a nicer butt, etc. If you are happy with the way you look, then I would just say, Look, this is me. I’m happy this way. Cope or leave.

  • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 3:22 pm

    here ta http://www.underwearexpert.com/2013/01/tommy-john-sleekheat-long-john-bottoms/

    • theattack theattack December 13, 2013, 3:28 pm

      hahaha, Sorry but those are hilarious. I sincerely hope P never wears those around me because I would have to try not to laugh at his junk in that… pouch? Is that model a marsupial? Haha, sorry to make fun of your turn-on, LBH.

      • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 3:30 pm

        I agree the junk pouch is a little weird, but the back side? I love it. I also love that you’re making fun of my turn on. He thinks its weird too.

    • rainbow rainbow December 16, 2013, 7:19 pm

      Helping someone take those off must be like unwrapping a sweaty sexy muscular cowboy that has been shot in the thigh and is making sexy shaky breathy noises while you go ‘easy let’s get you cleaned up’. *runs off, buys pack*

  • GatorGirl GatorGirl December 13, 2013, 3:23 pm

    hahahah TA, that is so true!! I also refuse to turn the heat on, so I’ve got like a hoodie and gloves on in bed. Sorry dude- if you want some you’re going to have to work for it by removing my 30 layers of clothing.

    • theattack theattack December 13, 2013, 3:30 pm

      haha, yes! Either remove all my clothes or schedule an appointment and be prompt about it. (We don’t actually do that, but it would be a great solution.)

  • avatar bethany December 13, 2013, 3:25 pm

    I’ll FB you a picture. YOu really have to see it to fully grasp it.

    • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 3:25 pm

      send it to me too!

    • iwannatalktosampson iwannatalktosampson December 13, 2013, 3:28 pm

      FB me a pic too

  • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 3:25 pm

    Just blowdry your bed linens right before. Its a perfect solution.

  • theattack theattack December 13, 2013, 3:34 pm

    My assessment: Bethany’s outfit was awesome, and Dave should be psyched to have a wife with such an impeccable sense of style and sex appeal.

    I feel like I’m in the middle of a love triangle now. Earlier this week I was having an affair with Dave, and now I’m checking out Bethany. Maybe I need to write into Wendy.

    • avatar lets_be_honest December 13, 2013, 3:41 pm

      Ok, bethany is officially the most adorable commenter on DW.

  • Fabelle Fabelle December 13, 2013, 3:40 pm

    Damn it, the new blocking system here won’t let me click the link, because “provocative attire”. And yet earlier I was on a page with male lingerie that featured actual naked junk.

    @Bethany I want to see this outfit, too.

  • avatar bethany December 13, 2013, 3:50 pm

    Ok, I’m sending it to FAB and IWTTS.

  • avatar bethany December 13, 2013, 3:57 pm

    Ok, I’m outta here for the day– Everyone have a fun weekend!!

  • iwannatalktosampson iwannatalktosampson December 13, 2013, 4:01 pm

    I can confirm that it’s a hot outfit.

  • Fabelle Fabelle December 13, 2013, 4:03 pm

    I concur, & I told Bethany as such but she probably doesn’t believe any of us. haha

  • Lindsay Lindsay December 14, 2013, 2:59 am

    So, I do alcohol education, and the thing about DUIs is that regardless of how “easy” it is to get one or how difficult it is to figure out when you’ve hit the limit, that number has been chosen because of the impairments that it means for most people. We have a chart that I show students what effects different BACs feel like, and in most cases, if you don’t feel those effects at that BAC, it’s because of your tolerance (which is increased because of drinking often and drinking a lot). So, it’s hard for me to be super sympathetic because even the act of not really feeling the alcohol is still based on a person’s choices…

  • meadowphoenix meadowphoenix December 14, 2013, 11:18 am

    LW 1: You don’t seem oversensitive, you seem insecure about your body, tbh. He basically described you. If hes asking for sexy lingerie occasionally, what’s wrong with that? Ask him to do something sexy occasionally too. If he’s asking for sexy lingerie always, then yeah that’s too much and you should communicate to him what you’re feeling.

    LW 2: You already know this is dangerous so, here’s your validation. Be afraid. Don’t be Andrea from Breaking Bad.

    LW 3: LOL

    I guess I don’t understand the implications of social drinking, but I don’t get why it’s hard to a) know how you’re getting home, b) if you’re driving yourself only drink 1 drink per hour, which for the grand majority of people won’t be anywhere near .08, and c) if you need to drink more, find somewhere safe to stash your keys. So I don’t have as much sympathy.

  • avatar Simonthegrey December 15, 2013, 4:12 pm

    I married a big teddy bear of a ginger, all red hair and freckles. Prior to dating him, all of the guys I crushed on had black hair and blue eyes. None of these are my husband. He knows I have a tiny ladyboner for Robert Downey Jr. and rolls his head at it. I know he happens to be wild about red hair (I’m a blonde). I guess I don’t know why everyone’s dumping on “this guy said what his type is (in L1), he’s a bad person!!” My Ginger and I talk about the kinds of things we find attractive on other people. He’s never asked me to dye my hair red to match his “type” and I certainly don’t expect him to buy blue contact lenses. We don’t know how this guy’s “I like big butts and I cannot lie” discussion came about; were they both sharing? Watching some J.Lo movie? Cruising the strip in a college town? Sure. if he’d said “I like trainer bras and juicy couture and thirteen year olds,” I’d agree he’s a perv. But just admitting that some things catch his eye? I guess I don’t see that as a deal-breaker.

    Also, regarding the lingerie, is it something you’re willing to do once in a while? Spice things up a little? At least this guy’s being open about what he wants and it’s fairly tame. As Dan Savage says, better the honest foot fetishist than the dishonest necrophiliac. I usually wear sleep pants and a long-sleeved top to bed in the winter because I have a bad habit of kicking off all the covers and then freezing. My Ginger likes it if I wear something slinky. So once in a while, even if it’s cold, I turn up the thermostat a degree or two and wear the slinkier night-dress. It’s a little thing.

    But I’m short and fat, and probably can’t “get any guy I want,” so you go right ahead looking for reasons to get offended and dump people.

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