It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
At 29, you have more than a dozen years of fertility left, which is more than enough time to find a decent man — NOT the guy who cheated on you when you were planning a wedding and then got someone else pregnant — to settle down and have babies with. MOA.
If, after a couple more months together, you still think of your ex-boyfriend when you say your new boyfriend’s name, then you aren’t over your ex as much as you’d like to be and you should probably take a break from dating anyone and maybe see a therapist to help you deal with any lingering feelings surrounding your father’s death and your ex’s betrayal. In the meantime, why don’t you give your new boyfriend a nickname, if not one you call him to his face, one you list him under in your phone so when he calls or texts you don’t have a heart attack thinking it’s your shitty ex.
And for another twist I just found out I’m pregnant. I haven’t told him yet. At lunch today my brother made a joke about me being pregnant and my boyfriend responded: “Well, that would suck to have two kids on the way at once. I don’t want two kids.” Now I don’t even want to tell him about the baby. A part of me just wishes it would go away. I have endometriosis so it’s hard to get pregnant, and the doctors told me it would be a miracle in my condition. Yet here it is and I don’t feel lucky at all. What should I do? — Not Feeling the Miracle
You’re 18 and if you aren’t in a stable relationship with a loving partner who wants to help you raise a child and you are unable to care for a child on your own, I would suggest you seriously consider not keeping the baby. Whatever you do, don’t think a baby is the secret ingredient to making your relationship successful; if anything, the stress of having an unwanted baby at such a young age will make a relationship that is already rocky much, much more challenging. That you got pregnant so easily bodes well for your future chances to get pregnant again, when you’re ready to be a mother.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.