It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
If you’ve already talked to him about how this bugs you and how you feel when you are all out to dinner and he pays for everyone BUT you — God! — and he says this is how he is and he’s not going to change, you have a choice: you can either accept it or MOA. If you decide to accept him and his penny-pinching, I would suggest creating an account that you each contribute to equally each month to use as “fun money.” (It doesn’t have to be a bank account unless you’re both comfortable with that; it could simply be an envelope of cash you fill monthly). Then, when you go out, use funds from the account to cover the expenses for both you and him. If there are other people in involved, like your boyfriend’s daughter, the person who is closest to them covers the costs.
Since you are an ambitious 23-year-old single guy who just graduated from college, one of the last things you need to be worrying about right now is how to financially support some girl you aren’t even dating who can’t figure out how/doesn’t want to take care of herself. There are other young women who would be thrilled to date you as you are now, with little money, just as there will be women down the road when you are more financially set and more interested in settling down with someone. If you don’t want to have sex with someone who is being financially supported by another man (whom she’s probably sleeping with), stop having sex with this woman. And if you don’t stop, be sure to use protection!
Like any straight man, your husband probably DOES enjoy looking at other women. That doesn’t mean he wants to or would sleep with any of them, and it certainly doesn’t mean that everything he does is dictated by some desire to see naked chicks. You need to stop berating your husband for some offense he hasn’t committed against you or you’re going to drive him away. Fast.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.