It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss cutting the apron strings, clumsy behavior, and dim sum.
I’m 24 and have been seeing a guy for about eight months and he’s great. I’m moving in four months to be closer to him and to start law school, a decision that has caused a rift with my mom. She’s a conservative Roman Catholic and disapproves of my decision to move in with him. She asked me point-blank if I was sleeping with him, and I managed to deflect but by doing so, basically answered her question. We used to be very close, but now she’s like a different person with me. She used to be so happy and excited for me, but now it’s like she thinks my boyfriend, who has been nothing but sweet to her, is a horrible person and he’s just waiting to trap me in some sort of dead-end relationship where I live with him but we never get married. He and I are in agreement that this is it for both of us, but that right now it would be ludicrous for us to get engaged.I’m already nervous about this move and this huge change for my life, and this tension in my relationship with my mom who, at one point, was my absolute best friend, is killing me. I understand completely that this isn’t easy for her; I’m her youngest daughter and I’m moving six hundred miles away, but I feel like I deserve this chance to be happy and to live somewhere new. I don’t know what to do to repair things. Is this just part of being an adult — making your own life away from your family and putting some distance from them, or am I being immature and messing things up? — Daughter of a Roman Catholic
Putting distance between you and your family isn’t necessarily “just part of being an adult,” but living your own life certainly is. So, do just that and let your mother do whatever repairing your relationship will require by the mistakes that SHE is making. If you are as close as you say, she won’t want this rift between you to last forever and eventually she is going to get over the fact that her adult daughter engages in premarital sex.
I am having an issue with my boyfriend. I am really, really clumsy, so I have a tendency to knock things over and trip over things. I never mean to — it just happens. But he gets pretty frustrated and will sigh heavily, give me annoyed glares, and then say, “It’s okay — just try to pay more attention to what you are doing,” and then acts kind of coldly to me for a bit. Sometimes I might accidentally knock his nose with my elbow by mistake or something like that. I’m trying really hard to be less clumsy but it keeps happening. I don’t know how to say this to him without him thinking I’m trying to make him feel bad, but his reaction really hurts my feelings. — Klutz
Your clumsiness could be just that — clumsiness — or it could be the sign of something more serious, like a neurological issue, so to be on the safe side, you should see a doctor. As for your boyfriend, tell him if he keeps acting like such an asshole, the next time you knock his nose with your elbow it might not be such an accident. (And comments from people claiming that I’m promoting domestic violence in 3, 2, 1).
I am 22 years old and have had a big crush on one of my guy friends. We know each other quite well. He understands me thoroughly and he has a great personality. Initially, I thought he was simply a nerd, but started to inadvertently develop feelings for him. Unfortunately, he told me he didn’t like me back and we had a hard time trying to stay friends. I hadn’t thought of him as a crush until recently when I asked to sit next to him and that failed when we went off into separate prayer groups (we go to church), but then I got to sit with him during dim sum with friends in the afternoon. When we were both talking, he mentioned that he suspected my somewhat odd behavior and I didn’t think I could tell him why, assuming his reaction could be too blunt. He also laughed when I got mad at our mutual friend for interrupting us (I actually like that I make him laugh without realizing it) which got a bit stuck in my head. I am extremely confused because I had been fantasizing about him and me as a couple since yesterday, remembered part of our conversation and still don’t know what to do. I took an online test which told me I am kinda over him but I don’t think I’ll ever find someone like him again (since he met my high standards for an ideal guy), so is there any way to solve this? — You Dim Sum, You Lose Sum
What??? I am posting this on the chance that someone else can translate and help you out here.
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