It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I started to work for a bank like three years ago. I had a crush on the guy who hired me, but he was only my direct supervisor for a few months. I recently found out that he broke up with his fiancé, so I told him about my crush on him. He was surprised and didn’t believe me (especially since I still had pictures of my ex at my desk) and because it’s been almost three years and I have always behaved professionally. I’m not sure what to do now; I’m getting mixed signals. Should I be precise and direct? Or should I be more subtle and just cook for him? Or put notes in his desk?! — Office Crush
I’m not sure how much more direct you can be than, you know, telling someone point-blank how you feel. You did that and he’s not acting on it. That either means he isn’t interested, he isn’t ready to date someone after his recent breakup, or he doesn’t think it’s appropriate to pursue you. I would not cook for him or leave notes in his desk unless you want to be the token office psycho.
I have been with a wonderful man for almost four years. We currently live together. He proposed to me on my 18th birthday; I am now 20 and will be 21 in just a few months. I’m really tired of waiting to get married and every time I talk about it he says, “Why talk about it if we haven’t set a date yet?” He says we need to wait until we have the money, which I understand, but what I cannot understand is how he married his ex-wife with no problem. He set the date and everything and they had a courthouse wedding. I know it might sound crazy, but I find myself watching a lot of Lifetime movies involving people getting married, wishing that one day my fiancé might want to walk down the aisle with me. I’m willing to wait another year or two, but I want to set a date. Any advice? — Tired of Waiting for Date
Your fiancé has no interest in marrying you. If he did, he’d have agreed on a date at some point in the last three years since he proposed. He only proposed because he didn’t want to lose you. Call his bluff and tell him you’re ready to go to the courthouse tomorrow. If he isn’t ready to marry you now, after three years of supposedly being engaged, he’s not ever going to be ready.
My boyfriend talks about other women and sends me pictures of them. He also tells me how other women flirt with him. I have told him how his behavior hurts me and that I find it disrespectful for a man to treat a woman he supposedly loves this way, but he turns it around and acts like I have a problem. I have also noticed that he is not interested in what I have to say. When I talk, he cuts me off and talks over me. He completely dominates all conversations and, while I have always been a listener, I have basically stopped talking. Also, everything revolves around him and I feel pretty insignificant and like I’m the last item on his list. He is always right, never ever wrong even when he is. Just like when I told him the date of the Christmas party several times, wrote it down for him, and, when he asked me again, I said please put it on your calendar and he said he would – and now he’s mad because “I never told him and he has made other plans that he will have to reschedule” so it’s my fault. Do you know how hurt I feel then when he sends me pictures of gorgeous gals and tells me the gals were all over him while he got his hair cut? I am not a 20-something; I am a 50-something! I should be strong enough, but he feeds right into all my insecurities. Help. — 50-Something in Distress
Christmas party? It’s the middle of October! What happened until waiting after Halloween to start celebrating the holidays? At any rate, MOA. Your boyfriend sounds like a creep.
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