It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss cheating, disclosing secrets, and dating on a tight budget.
I met my boyfriend, “Jack,” of two months on a popular dating website after a four-year relationship ended. Jack asked me to be his girlfriend after two weeks of knowing each other and, even though we were definitely moving too fast, it felt right. He was a little stand-off-ish in the beginning, which I attributed to not really knowing each other too well. Then he recently admitted that he had gone out on a date with another girl a week after we became official. He had been talking to her longer than he was me and was “curious” about her and “wanted to be sure about his decision” to be my boyfriend. He told me they kissed but haven’t talked since. With the exception of that week he was distant, he’s been great and we have lots of fun together. I believe what prompted this confession was that his feelings for me were deepening and he wanted to make things right, so to say. He’s apologized countless times, said he’ll do anything to make things right and wants to make this work. He’s everything I’ve been looking for and before this confession, I really saw a long-term future with him. What should I do? — The New Girlfriend
If you truly saw a long-term future with him, even though it sounds like you barely know him and just ended a 4-year relationship with someone else, I wouldn’t let a date and one kiss with someone else a few weeks after you met stand in your way. It was stupid of him to ask you to be his girlfriend when he still needed to go out with someone else to make sure he was into you, and it wasn’t the most emotionally responsible move for you to accept his offer if you hardly knew him and possibly hadn’t yet fully processed your recent breakup, but, what the hell — if you and he have fun together, keep getting to know him and see where things lead. I wouldn’t, however, put a deposit down on a wedding venue just yet.
I am 24 years old and broke up with my boyfriend of three years about a year ago. Some time this year we tried to get back together, but certain issues still stood in the way. I saw him briefly for about three weeks and then decided he wasn’t worth going back to. A few weeks later, I discovered I was pregnant. I told him about it and he supported my decision to abort. The twist is I met another guy shortly before my ex and I tried to get back together and now we are about to start a relationship. Do I tell him about my abortion? If so, when can I tell him? — Triangle
The question should be: do you want to tell him, and, if so, why? If your motive is to be open about something you consider an important tidbit of information that paints a broader picture of who you are, then, by all means, tell him when you decide you trust him enough to share something that personal. If you think have an obligation to tell him, I’d wait until you have a better reason to share that part of your personal history and it doesn’t feel so raw.
I have known my boyfriend for almost five years now and he is loving, understanding, and caring, but lately I’ve been feeling bored with the things we are doing. Financially, he is on a TIGHT budget and it limits what we can do. He always picks me up from work and we eat at a burger joint, we don’t even hang out on Saturdays anymore because that means spending more money, and on Sundays we eat at his place. There’s nothing new. I’m a person who can’t do the same thing all the time. I told him that I felt bored, and he said he didn’t have money and energy and he is tired when we hang out. Thanks for your suggestions. — Modern Woman
So, he picks you up for work, takes you out for burgers, and cooks for you once a week? What do you do for him? If you’re so tired of doing the same things all the time and if your boyfriend is on a tight budget, here’s a novel idea: YOU make some plans and foot the bill every once in a while. It’s 2012, for God’s sake, not the 50s, no matter what some politicians would like to believe. Here are 52 cheap date ideas to get you started.
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