Update: So, this is embarrassing; it seems I have answered the same three letters from last week’s shortcuts. And I even re-edited them and answered them a little differently and didn’t realize I was answering the same damn letters! Clearly, I was distracted this week (in addition to my grandfather’s death, there were some other distractions and stresses). Everything is fine and I will be back to normal next week, but I’m sorry for the repeat performance today.
It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I cheated on my live-in boyfriend of over a year with my ex-boyfriend. Should I tell my current boyfriend? Or is it fate my ex walked back into my life? We text — but as friends — and it’s like my feelings for him went away, but gradually came back the more we talked. I love my boyfriend to death, but he doesn’t give me the attention I need, or treat me like I’m his number one, unlike my ex who does. What should I do? — Number One
No, it’s not “fate” that you texted your ex so much you ended up back in the sack with him. And you don’t “love your boyfriend to death,” or you wouldn’t be cheating on him. Get real with yourself, get real with your boyfriend, and then cut him loose so you have the freedom to text and sext and whatever else it is you need in order to feel like number one.
I just found out that my husband has been searching Craigslist personal ads and I am devastated! The worst part is that I found more “M4M” searches then anything else. We talked about everything I found and he swears he’s not bisexual or gay; he says that we have been fighting so much that he has thought about being with men. Then how can he say he’s not into guys? He told me “he will never do it again.” Should I leave the marriage and let him find himself? To be honest, I don’t think I could ever look at him the same again. — Not a M4M
To be honest, I think your husband’s a big ol’ liar. If you have kids or have been together a long time, it might be worth trying therapy to see if you can save the marriage. If it’s just the two of you or if the marriage is still pretty young, I’d cut your losses and move on. This man is probably cheating on you, definitely lying to you, and likely has some issues he needs to work through before he can be a good partner to anyone.
My boyfriend used to cheat on his girlfriends before we were together. He told me he has been with multiple girls at a time — sometimes three in one night, which I think is terrible. We have known each other since I was 16, we just started dating a year ago, and it’s been great. I haven’t found any messages or calls from other women and he always comes home to me every night. We got engaged two months ago and he promised me on his dead grandpa’s grave that he does not want to be the man he was in his past and he does not cheat. He says that I’ve changed him and his world around in a good way and he wouldn’t do anything to lose me. But he called me and asked me if he could go out of town for work for 14 days and I don’t trust the men he is going with because I know for a fact they cheat on their wives/girlfriends. Should I let him go? Can I trust him? — Holding On to Dead Grandpa’s Grave
I think if you’re concerned about your boyfriend going on a business trip because you’re afraid he’s going to cheat on you, you probably shouldn’t be marrying the guy. Let him go… in more ways than one.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.