It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
In March I accompanied my daughter and her BFF to Mexico for spring break. On a dinner excursion, one of the employees flirted heavily with me, even telling me he “wanted me” in a roundabout way (i.e. he said it in Spanish but it was translated by my daughter because I don’t speak Spanish — awkward!). Even though I was initially very attracted to him, I backed away from any interactions with him, except dancing. I LOVE to dance! By the end of the three-hour excursion and many drinks later, on our last dance together we found ourselves gazing into each other’s eyes with a passion and desire I still can’t describe, or believe. I went back to Mexico in October and I saw this same man again; even though he says he didn’t remember me from the first time we met, he greeted me with a full-on body hug and proceeded to flirt with me again. His body language said he was still very attracted to me, but I can’t help wondering why would he lie and say he didn’t remember me from my March visit? — Spring Breaker
This guy meets thousands of women and tourists every year. Do you really think it’s that weird that he says he didn’t remember you? Yes, even him being so attracted to you he had to engulf you in a full-body hug, you still could have been as memorable to him as any of the other hundreds of attractive middle-aged women he meets on the regular. Count this as an enjoyable flirtation on a fun vacation and move on. I mean, what else are you going to do? Show up in Mexico again, waving your dance shoes in one hand and a bottle of tequila in the other, saying, “Remember me THIS TIME?!” (The answer will still probably be, “not really . . . ).
I’ve got a guy who asked me out on a date about a month ago, and it was great. We had breakfast, and because that went so well he invited me to our college football game, then he invited me to dinner and then to a party all in the same day! I think I may have spent too much time with him at once, and, after spending days with each other hanging out, talking, cuddling and kissing, he said he was not interested in dating or in anything romantic, but simply wanted to develop a connection and for us to get to know each other better. A month later he still invites me to spend the night — we kiss, cuddle, watch movies, go out to dinner–and he will text me just to see how I am doing. But when I ask him how he feels, he replies: “I don’t feel negatively about you,” and he continues to dance around the subject. I like him and I don’t really mind where things are, but I’m just very confused. I also think it makes no sense to ask someone out on a date with no interest in dating the person…what the hell? I don’t want to be too pushy and freak him out, but I don’t want to continue pretending that I don’t care. — Interested in Actually Dating
New dating rule: if, when you ask someone how he feels about you, the best he can say is, “I don’t feel negatively about you,” MOA. He has told you in more ways than one that he is not interested in dating you-dating you. Does he like hanging out and kissing and maybe having dinner? Sure. But, obviously, he has no interest or intention in pursuing anything more serious with you and he’s been nothing but honest about that from the start. You may not understand WHY he’s not interested, but he’s not and that bothers you and you should move on.
I found a text of a picture of flowers on my wife’s phone with the message: “Good morning, my love.” We know this guy. He’s married, and there has been a little talk of how my wife says this guy likes her. My wife likes to tease me to get attention, especially if I question things — she will go on pretending and that’s what I always believed it was. I do believe and hope that this is one-sided because I do not see any replies from her. I question the guy because this is the most disrespectful thing imaginable. He knows it’s my wife — we go to parties at their house. I am ready to go to his wife with this. What do you think? — Disrespected Husband
Here’s an idea: before going to the other wife about what you found, go to YOUR wife first. Maybe she’ll have an answer that will satisfy you. Maybe not. If she doesn’t, your next move is to address the husband and ask why he’s texting lovey messages to your wife’s phone. Maybe he hit the wrong name in his address book — is your wife’s name similar to his wife’s name? — and that’s all there is to it. At any rate, any guys who texts a PICTURE of flowers instead of sending the real deal isn’t anyone to be threatened by anyway.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.