It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I am a gay man and I go onto Craigslist looking for casual M4M sex. What disturbs me is how many people want a pic first. What is wrong with these people? Married men have sent me pics before. Don’t they realize what goes up in the cloud stays there? And the younger people show both face and body completely. Why don’t they understand that, down the road when jobs come up that they are applying for, prospective employers might tell them, “We came across this info and these pics when you were younger.” They might be older then and with families. Would they still be that open if they realized this? People have no modesty. I mean, I like having sex but behind closed doors where only they see and god knows that’s it. — M4M, No Pic Required
As the young people say: you do you. Worry about yourself, your own potential job opportunities and future families, and the effect your current behavior may have on those things. But if you’re finding that your own discretion is keeping you from the casual sex you desire or is limiting your potential partners too much to be enjoyable, you need to either find a different game or try an alternate way of playing.
My boyfriend and I are 50 years old and in a great place in our lives. For the past year, we have not used condoms. He had some in his shaving bag (we both travel for work) and a few months back he stopped bring his shaving bag. I assumed no more condoms, but this morning, while looking for car keys, there they were — moved to a bag he carries with him everywhere he goes. My heart broke! He said he just never threw them out and hasn’t even thought about them. If that is the case, then why did he transfer them when repacking and still have them? He’s a good man and we’re together 24/7 most of the time. BUT should I be concerned and should I leave? I can’t go through this again with a man. — No Need for Condoms
Hmm, it sound like your boyfriend isn’t the only person in this relationship who needs to unpack some of his baggage. It’s entirely possible and reasonable to think the condoms have always been in your boyfriend’s bag — and not just moved from a different bag, but always in THIS bag — and that he truly hasn’t given them a thought and never got around to throwing them out. That you “don’t want to go through this again with a man” says much more about you and where your head is than where he is. Especially if where he is is actually with YOU 24/7, like you say. Let this go, unpack some of your emotional baggage, and accept that “this man” isn’t the same man who has hurt you in the past.
My boyfriend and I are cousins, but not blood cousins. He was adopted. It’s been 10 months. At first he was so sweet, which is probably why I started falling for him. His father (my uncle) told me that his son confessed to him one day that he thinks he’s falling in love. After that, I stupidly got pregnant by him the first time we had sex. Since then, he’s changed so much! He acts like such a jerk at times. One day he texted me, “I don’t want you falling in love with me or anything, so I don’t give things.” I was joking around and had texted earlier: You’d better make it up to me next time with a flower or something.” Seriously, who does he think he is? Should I try to give him up? Should I confront him and tell him how I feel or just never answer his text? I am so freaking emotional, and he has turned cold as ice. What should I do, Wendy? — Kissing Cousins and More
Oh, dear. If you’re pregnant (by your cousin, no less), you have bigger things to worry about than getting your boyfriend to give you a flower. Neither of you sounds mature enough or ready for parenthood, and your relationship is certainly not ready for co-parenthood, so I would urge you to shift your focus from relationship game-playing to figuring out what to do about the baby on the way. If you want to continue your pregnancy, please, please, please consider adoption.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.