It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
Saying hello to someone who says hello to you first isn’t flirting; it’s being polite. The time to tell someone you’re flattered by his interest but you have a boyfriend is when he asks for your phone number or asks you out on a date. The time to tell someone to “kindly stop” is when they’ve done something inappropriate or have continued behaving in a way you’ve already let them know is unwanted. The time to MOA from your boyfriend in NOW because he doesn’t trust you, he’s a control freak, and he’s clearly not ready for a relationship.
First of all, a credit card statement isn’t going to prove shit when it comes to cheating. Second of all, if you need someone to prove he hasn’t been cheating, then you don’t need to be marrying him. Third of all, he’s cheating. MOA.
I don’t understand your question, but I get enough of the gist to say this: If you’ve never “dated your boyfriend physically,” which I assume to mean you haven’t met in person because you only know each other online, then he isn’t a boyfriend. If your marriage is dead and you can’t or don’t want to resurrect it, get a divorce; you don’t need a boyfriend waiting in the wings to help with that decision. What is most comfortable and best for your kids is being with parents who aren’t miserable with each other and don’t make stupid-ass decisions, like pretending some dude on the internet is a boyfriend and then basing a huge life decision, like getting a divorce, on that “relationship.”
While I normally wouldn’t think saying hello to someone is reason for anyone else to lose their shit (see letter #1 today), I can understand why your friend would feel betrayed by your not only acting friendly toward the guy who abandoned her and their baby (whom you are godmother of), but then apparently relaying the interaction to her later. What were you thinking? I say apologize to your friend for being insensitive, reaffirm for her that you’re on her side and you think that what her boyfriend did is the worst of the worst, and that you’ve got her back through what you know is an incredibly challenging, but hopefully also rewarding, time in her life.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.