It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
Woah, that’s quite a leap from hugging and occasional hand-holding to suspecting incest! Some families are just more physically and verbally affectionate than others. If you grew up in a family that was a bit more reserved, I can understand why the difference may be a bit jarring, but what you’ve described doesn’t sound that weird and not something to be alarmed about. Continue giving hugs if you feel comfortable with that, or hold out your hand if that’s easier, and turn your cheek if you want to avoid a lip-kiss.
He has been to my house four times — sex every time, which was wonderful! But the question I have for you: we have not been on a real “date.” And another thing: afterwards, he always has to jump and run! What shall I do about this situation? I am not looking for a husband, but I would like a relationship where we can go out to eat and to dance. Any suggestions? — Senior in the House
I’m confused. Did you not have a date at a restaurant the first time you met? And if you caught a cold and wouldn’t make a date with him for three weeks, when did you have sex four times? Was it OK to have sex with a cold but not go out to dinner? I think I’m missing an important part of the puzzle here, but regardless, if you like this man and want to go dancing with him, just ask him. If he’s too busy or says no and doesn’t want to do anything with you besides have sex and share poems, you have to decide whether that’s enough for you. Personally, if I were 85 and as vivacious as you sound, I wouldn’t stop at having just one man in my life. Why not have one guy for sex, one guy for dancing, and one guy who takes you out for wonderful meals?
No, I don’t think a long distance relationship based on such a rocky foundation will work out. A new relationship in your early 20s before life and love gets complicated shouldn’t be so chaotic that you’d have multiple breakups in only 11 months. Think of your move as a chance to make a clean break before things get messier.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.