When he broke up with me he had to do it while drunk. He told me the “intangible” was missing and he told his friends and they said I deserve a guy to be head over heels in love with me so they told him the right thing to do was break up with me. He told me he hasn’t liked a girl as much as me in a long time but his heart isn’t in it. His sister is going through a pretty bad divorce after two years of marriage and his parents had a nasty divorce. He kept saying he didn’t want to make the same mistakes. He told me he has never asked a girl to remain friends before during a breakup but he wanted to keep me in his life because I’m so great. During all of this I kind of emotionally shut down. I asked him if it’s because of my friends or the difference in education and he said no. He kept apologizing over and over and I said it has only been three months and it isn’t the end of the world. He kept saying “It”s not like I’m saying I’m such a great catch that you should be so upset, but…” because I showed no emotion. The only thing I did say was “I do feel sad, I liked you, and I thought we had a good thing.” Then I asked him to leave.
The thing is, three months isn’t that long so I don’t even know if I should try to express my feelings to him better. At three months I don’t think you have to be head over heels in love. I just know that I have dated a lot and what we had seemed great and was unique. I’m surprised he would throw it away over the “intangible” after only three months and let his friends convince him that this is the right thing to do without even talking to me about it. I know I do deserve a guy who is going to love me and want to take the next step with me, but I don’t know if I should just let him walk away without a little more effort from me. Would you try to talk to him about it? Or would you just let it go? Would you be friends? — Fight or Flight?
Yeah, I would let it go, and no, I would not try to be friends. What’s the point in being friends? You don’t want to be friends with him. You want to date him. And he, for whatever reason, has decided he doesn’t want to date you. But instead of making a clean break, he’s being all wishy-washy about it and thinks that by keeping you on the line as a “friend,” he might have the luxury of changing his mind eventually and getting you back relatively easy.
The truth is, he has reservations about you. It happens. All the time. And he decided rather than continue on undecided, he’d end things with you now. The three-month mark is a pretty typical time in a relationship for that kind of decision to be made by one party or the other. I don’t know that it has anything to do with your friends or you being more educated or his sister going through a divorce of any of that. Maybe he simply felt you were exhibiting more serious feelings than he was having and he didn’t want to lead you on. Maybe spending so much time with your friends in recent weeks was making him feel like you two were a little more of a “couple” than he was comfortable being.
In the end, does it really matter what the reason was for him breaking up with you? He said his heart wasn’t in it. Isn’t that as much of an answer as you really need after three months? He liked you, but not enough. I’m sure he does think you’re great and smart and all of that, but it’s just not enough. I can imagine that must be confusing for him. Haven’t you ever dated or known someone who seems great for you on paper, but for whatever reason the spark just isn’t quite there? Just because you felt it with him, doesn’t mean he felt it with you. I know that’s a hard pill to swallow, but it happens. He may have been trying to convince himself for two and half months that something would grow between you, and maybe for him it just never did and so then he spent two weeks making sure it was the right decision to end things. He talked it over with his friends and they affirmed that if he wasn’t feeling it, he should move on. Why lead you on any further? He wasn’t a jerk about it. He didn’t screw you over. He just decided he wasn’t into it. It seems pretty cut and dry to me. I say keep your dignity and MOA. Make a clean break. Save the fighting for something really worth fighting for.
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