But now my husband’s gone, thank God, and I’m enjoying my freedom! I’m 43 but very attractive and enjoying male attention. I had a fling last month, but it was short-lived. He used to text me daily, but in the last week he won’t even text me back. I am hurt about this. Then, today, I found out I am pregnant. Shock of my life.
Also within the last two to three weeks, I started dating a really nice guy. We are both into each other, but I know from this crazy dating world it is too soon to say what will happen.
So what do I do? Part of me says get an abortion, forget this ever happened, don’t tell the new guy and keep dating him. Another part of me says this is my only chance to have a baby and to go for it. It would be really hard to make ends meet, but I think I could do it…But I don’t want to lose the new guy. — To Keep it or Not
Sorry, but your priorities as a potential mom-to-be already sound really whack. You’re really weighing the attention and time of a guy you’ve been dating for two weeks in your decision to keep a baby you say you prayed and tried really hard for a year ago? Look, I appreciate that you’re going through this big transition right now, having just gotten out of an abusive relationship, and enjoying male attention. So…maybe that’s your priority right now and that’s fine. But, yeah, at 43 this probably is your one and last chance to have a baby. So, really think about that. (And also consider the risks involved in conceiving at your age and whether you are emotionally and financially prepared to deal with them). Think about whether being a single mom is the life you want to embrace. Think about whether you’re ready and willing to sacrifice the “time of your life” you’re currently having for a completely different experience — one that you may also find great pleasure and joy in. You can still date, but it will be in a different way than you’re dating now, and you very well might lose your chance with this guy you’ve known a couple of weeks. But, honestly, if that is such a concern for you that it’s a major factor in whether or not you keep this baby — and it seems it is since it’s one of the only factors you mention in your decision-making — then I think the decision is a pretty obvious one.
If you do decide to keep the baby, though, you need to alert the potential father(s) and have paternity confirmed.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.