From the forums:
Her boyfriend (pretty much just as sick as she is and she plays him like a fiddle) left me a voicemail, a Facebook message AND a text talking about how busy they were and that if I had any problems to go to him. He was incredibly nasty and rude and I ended up starting World War Three by telling my sister to let her boyfriend know to mind his expletive business. Then she said to never speak to her again and the boyfriend texted me AGAIN saying that as far as HE is concerned, my sister is done with my BS. He also told me to delete me from his Facebook (I already did after he messaged me) and that that would be the last text from him (I wrote back: “Thank God, because now I don’t have to tell you to never expletive text me again.”).
Christmas came and went; I ended up keeping my sister’s name on my father’s gift (originally, I wasn’t going to because she owes me $50 for it and no longer wants to speak to me) and we exchanged gifts through my father without seeing each other. I also took Wendy’s advice and apologized for letting my desire of us to be together take affect my behavior negatively. (This was through text as I want nothing to do with her at the moment)
I apologized via text and haven’t heard anything and I want NOTHING to do with this loon of a boyfriend of hers. Some backstory: my mother has Munchausens and loves playing the sympathy card, and my sister seems to have inherited some of our mother’s traits, and I think I fueled her need for sympathy.
My new dilemma is that there is a family party tomorrow that I now want NOTHING to do with because my sister and her nut of a boyfriend will be there. I’m afraid that if I don’t go they will trash-talk me to anyone who will listen, and if I do go… well, I’m already riddled with anxiety about the whole ordeal.
Do I make up an excuse and not go so I don’t have to deal with the crazy boyfriend and my bipolar sister? Or do I suck it up and go and risk confrontation? — Riddled With Anxiety
The holidays are overwhelming for most people, even ones who don’t have any family issues (but, who doesn’t have family issues??). It’s easy to get so worked up in the holiday frenzy and lose perspective, which I think is what has happened with you. Presumably, you and your sister live in the same town, so I guess I’m not sure why it was SUCH huge deal that two grown sisters — at least one of whom is in a relationship — don’t spend the holiday together considering they can (again, presumably) get together any other time, and especially since there is a family party planned just a few days later where they (you guys) are planning to see each other.
Sure, I get that you would be disappointed and maybe offended to be blown off for this new boyfriend and his family. But, is it selfish for a 31-year-old woman to spend the holidays with her significant other’s family instead of her own? Eh, I just don’t see it. Now, if your father, whom the two of you always spend Christmas with, is like, incapacitated, or something and requires a lot of care and your sister taking off to spend the holiday elsewhere leaves you with the burden of caring for him solo, then that’s a different story, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. What seems to be the case is that you got your feelings hurt that your sister decided to spend Christmas with someone other than you and your dad. It’s fine to have hurt feelings, but I do think you overreacted.
Is your sister and her boyfriend totally innocent? No. They both sound like thoughtless jerks. The boyfriend, in particular, sounds like a nut job. But he’s whom your sister is with right now and if you want a relationship with her, you have to make an effort to at least be cordial to the guy. If you don’t think you can handle breathing the same air as him, or you’re afraid even the sight of him and you sister together will unleash something inside you you can’t control, skip the party. But if it’s possible that you could make an appearance, put on a happy face, and mingle with some of the other relatives before making an excuse for an early exit, I’d do that. Because the potential of you regretting NOT going to the party is a lot bigger than the potential of you regretting that you DID go.
If you do decide to sit this one out, I wouldn’t spend energy worrying about trash-talking, because who cares? I mean, really. If your sister really started trash-talking you at a family get-together, it reflects most poorly on HER, because that’s just tacky. Plus, she’s the one who’s going to be there with a nut job boyfriend. People will be more intrigued by THAT then the story about how you dropped a couple texts with expletives or whatever.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.