It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss whether to confess to cheating, and having a baby with an ex.
My boyfriend and I have been together off and on (mostly on) for almost two years now. He is extremely good to me, but six months ago, I cheated on my boyfriend for almost an entire month. When I say “cheat,” I mean me and this one guy would have a bit too much to drink a couple times a week and always end up making out. The way I rationalized it is that I was so unsure and insecure in my relationship because I had only ever dated my boyfriend, while my boyfriend had dated many others before me. I felt jipped. This other dude and I never had sex, though — I never let it get that far. After it ended, I regretted it deeply, and I still regret it so much I feel sick sometimes. I thought about telling my boyfriend, but I know in my heart of hearts that if I do tell him, he would seriously consider leaving me. However, holding what I’ve done in for so long has taken a toll on me. Should I tell him everything and risk being left, should I wait, or should I never ever say a thing? — Feeling Guilty
Don’t tell him you cheated on him if your main reason to tell him would be to alleviate your guilt. You’d be confessing for YOU in that case, and not for him and that’s just a shitty thing to put him through. Instead, you need to have a frank conversation — probably with yourself first — about why you feel “jipped” and what healthy steps you can take to get past that feeling.
I recently broke up with a guy I have been seeing for about three months. I thought he was perfect at first, but then I started to notice the red flags. It turns out he has a son from a previous relationship who wants nothing to do with him because he never wanted anything to do with his son, doesn’t pay child support and won’t have anything to do with the mother. He also started to make plans to do things with me, but would then cancel or not call. Finally, I had enough and I broke it off with him. He then sent me an email saying that he was emotionally unavailable and wanted to be by himself. The weird thing is, even though I know I’m better off without him I am totally crushed. I feel so depressed right now and my self-esteem is non-existent. I know I am better off without this guy in my life, but I was wondering if there’s any way of making myself feel better faster? — Debbie Dumper
Well, for starters you can congratulate yourself and acknowledge the personal strength it took to recognize that this guy wasn’t right for you and end things before you got further invested. As for him sending you that email after you broke up with him? Sounds like the big loser was trying to make himself feel better about being dumped by you.
My ex-boyfriend who broke up with me and has a girlfriend has told me that he’s been fantasizing about me. When I asked him if he is a happy with his new girlfriend, he said,”Kind of.” His girlfriend has three kids and he has a son with his ex-wife. He told me that it’s kinda unfair that his girlfriend has got three kids and he only has one, we I agreed to have a baby with him without his girlfriend’s knowledge. But if I do get pregnant, he doesn’t want to take care of the baby. Like, we’ll have a baby together but it will essentially be mine. — Thinking About It
WTF? I hope this is a fake, but in the event in could be real, here’s my advice: Don’t have a baby with him. Bad, bad move.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at [email protected] and be sure to follow me on Twitter.