It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
Long story short, he is in prison for 1st degree burglary, a felony. On top of everything, there is a great possibility he will be deported back to his home country as he is only a permanent resident. Being so concerned only with money, he never got his citizenship because he said he thought it wasn’t a big deal. My son and I visit him in jail twice a month, leaving at 2:30 AM to walk for an hour to the bus and spend another 4 1/2 hours traveling. On a recent visit, he said, “Why every time you come to see me your hair looks like sh**t*?” Wendy, that day I got it done but we had to walk in the rain and missed a bus, so I had to wait in the rain with my son. I tried to explain, but he said, “Whatever, whatever.” My eyes filled with tears and he then told my son, “Mami’s being a fucking asshole right now.”
I want to leave this relationship, but he’s the only father my son knows. We are also supposed to wed but how do you marry such a cruel person? I have successful men with careers who would like a serious relationship, but I turn them down because I’d rather be faithful. Please help. — Mami
The guy is a total loser and you’re doing your sons absolutely zero favors by allowing him to be the sole or even the main male role model in his life. Move on already and either stay single and focus on your boy or quit turning down the successful men with careers who aren’t in jail, don’t constantly put you down, and are interested in pursuing a serious relationship with you.
During my internship, we continued talking and I planned another visit after a month and a half. It was nice but less nice than the first visit. I stayed with him for almost two weeks and on the last night at his place he said that we couldn’t continue having a long distance relationship. I told him that I wasn’t ready for the breakup and we should think about it and give each other a chance. A few days later, I decided to come back to where he lives and start my life there. So I went back and stayed with a family member, I told him that I was back, and he was surprised and asked me the reason. He wasn’t excited to see me and, when I asked to see him, he said, “Not now, we just spent two weeks together.”
Anyway, I moved in to the same city where he lived, and needed to stay somewhere before my lease started. He suggested that I stay at his place for a week, which I did, but I could feel him being a bit cold. After I moved to my own place, he came over and we had dinner together. He was supposed to sleep over, but he had things to do for school and so he left. That was ten days ago and I haven’t seen him since. He hasn’t called, texted, or talked online, and when I called him, he was dead cold. When I asked him if he wanted to come over, he said he didn’t have time. What should I do? — Can’t Let Go
MOA. He broke up with you and he wants you to leave him alone.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.