It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
Is this normal? I am 100% straight and always have been, but I find myself occasionally attracted to other girls (not in a sexual way though). I was even more attracted to this girl than anyone else ever! I don’t know what to think. — 100% Straight
Well… maybe you aren’t 100% straight. Or, maybe you, like many, many people, including other straight women, happen to find women beautiful to look at, and you feel intrigued by what you might imagine could be a close friendship. It’s totally normal to have “girl crushes,” which might be what you’re experiencing. It’s also totally normal to not entirely have your sexuality figured out as a teenager. A good way to determine if what you’re feeling is a crush or a sexual attraction is to imagine being intimate with the other girl. Is that thought exciting? Then maybe you’re not so straight. If the thought isn’t exciting — or is even a turn-off — maybe you aren’t sexually attracted to girls (or maybe you just aren’t into THAT girl). Either way, if you’re feeling, on a regular basis, more turned on by the idea of someone other than your boyfriend than you are by him, perhaps he’s not cutting it for you and you should do some soul-searching about whether your heart is still in your relationship.
If you and your boyfriend were broken up when you slept with this other guy, it wasn’t “cheating.” Regardless, I wouldn’t tell your boyfriend about this other guy. He’s probably bluffing about the nudes, and, even if he has them, what are the chances he’s going to show your boyfriend? If he does and your boyfriend is anything but outraged on your behalf that someone would share nude photos of you (that’s such a creepy thing to do), he isn’t someone you want to marry anyway.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.