Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

SWM in Austin Searching for Skinny, White Redhead

charming

If you’re a skinny, white redhead with a sexual past as exciting and exotic as carton of yogurt and you happen to be looking for a goofy-looking, wedding photographer who, oh yeah, is a raging racist, you’re in luck!! Larry Busby, aka “Sleepless in Austin,” is searching for his Ms. Right and he’s willing to pay 1500 smackers to anyone who can help find her. He just has a few criteria she must meet.

First of all, she must be thin and young.

I am looking for a girl that has a thin or athletic build. No one over 130lbs. Ages 21 – 41 White, Hispanic, or of European descent.

That means no black women! Not even if she’s drop-dead gorgeous.

I will not date a Black girl. I don’t care if she looks like Halle Berry, I will not ever date a Black girl. And, I do not believe that Whites & Blacks should mix races sexually and have kids together. I think it’s ok for Whites & Hispanics. But not Blacks. I would NEVER, EVER, EVER date a woman if I found out she had EVER been sexually active with a Black man.

If you’re white but have poor eyesight or tattoos, sorry, sucker.

I do not like glasses on a girl.
I do not like tattoos on a woman…To me, tattoos just represent white trash or somone that’s been in prison.
I do not like strippers! I will not date any girl that has ever been a stripper.
I prefer a woman that has never had children, because having kids does ruin a womans body often times.

Now, if you are white, young, thin, kid-free, don’t have any trashy tattoos, and have never removed your clothes for money, you’re in luck. That is, as long as you haven’t slept around. Because ol’ Larry will not date anyone who “has ever had a threesome, or a large number of past sexual partners” as he isn’t interested in “a promiscuous slut”. He does, however love “when a girl wears sexy lingerie in the bedroom! Especially thigh highs!”

If Larry picks you, in addition to all the aforementioned charm, you can enjoy being with “an Artist, Musician, Poet, Composer, Performer, Businessman” who has a “very high sex drive.”

Any takers? Anyone??

On the plus side, Larry is no longer trying online dating because the women online proved to be too discriminating. Ironically.

[via Huffpo and GOMI]

96 comments… add one
  • theattack

    theattack September 25, 2013, 2:32 pm

    Damn, if only I were single!

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  • iwannatalktosampson

    iwannatalktosampson September 25, 2013, 2:39 pm

    Wendy you’re so dramatic. This guy seems legit. And you fit his criteria!

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    • othy

      othy September 25, 2013, 2:58 pm

      Other than the “woman who has not had children” part.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson September 25, 2013, 2:59 pm

        Oh right. That bod is totally ruined.

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    • avatar

      Grilledcheesecalliope September 25, 2013, 3:08 pm

      We don’t know if wendy has ever been with a black man 😉

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      • Diablo

        Diablo September 25, 2013, 3:19 pm

        It’s generally a dealbreaker to bring up your advice guru’s sexual history.

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  • Miel

    Miel September 25, 2013, 2:40 pm

    He looks like the king of compromise and tolerance. One friday night, we won’t be able to agree on what pizza toppings to choose and he’ll say “I should have put this in the add : Must like roasted chicken pizza with bacon.” And that would be the end of our relationship, and he would go to the next girl waiting in line to be his girlfriend.

    Too bad I have glasses.

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    • Lady_Red

      Red_Lady September 25, 2013, 7:54 pm

      Man, I really want pizza right now

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  • avatar

    AndreaMarie September 25, 2013, 2:42 pm

    I wonder if you have to return the finders fee after the girl doesn’t want to go on a second date?

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    • Roxy_84

      Roxy84 September 25, 2013, 3:33 pm

      Yeah for real. I wonder how he would judge whether you qualify for a finders fee. But say you only had to find a girl that fits the criteria – then that begs the question: is $1500 enough to go on a date with this guy?

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    • avatar

      MsMisery September 26, 2013, 12:45 pm

      You’d have to really be in dire straits to subject anyone you know personally to this guy.

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  • avatar

    Auntie Allie September 25, 2013, 2:43 pm

    How did you find this guy?! He’s bringing shame to my city. 🙁

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  • avatar

    Amanda September 25, 2013, 3:04 pm

    I can’t believe that this guy is still single! Who wouldn’t want to marry him? 😉

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  • avatar

    Married by Elvis September 25, 2013, 3:09 pm

    At least he’s considerate enough to put his racist douchery out there to warn women to stay away. Nobody has to waste their time only to find out later that he’s a racist tool.

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  • mylaray

    mylaray September 25, 2013, 3:11 pm

    Let’s see, I have glasses, tattoos, once was a stripper, dated men of all races, and have had a threesome. It’s a shame it wouldn’t work because I think I would be perfect! I just pray people like him don’t have kids. I mean I’m sure he doesn’t want his new wife to damage her body for him!

    The *only* thing I can give it to him is for being open about his very limiting and judgmental beliefs. I remember dating a guy for 9 months before I found out he absolutely hated tattoos and wanted me to cover them up for meeting his parents because they would think poorly of me and he would have to break up with me (um, thanks for wasting my time and pretending you liked them?)

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest September 25, 2013, 4:00 pm

      If he didn’t mind them, but his parents would’ve, would you have covered them up without being insulted? I only ask because when my brother brought a new girl around to my grandma, my dad mentioned to him that she might want to cover up a nose ring.

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      • mylaray

        mylaray September 25, 2013, 4:24 pm

        It’s possible I would cover them up in that case, but the guy in question would truly have to not be bothered by them. People are going to see something like that eventually, and while I get making a good first impression, I also don’t want to cover up who I am. As a general rule, I just don’t cover up my tattoos, nor do I purposefully show them off. I don’t need anyone to love them or even like them, just to accept that they’re there, and it’s not really on my mind to be so aware of them or if they’re visible.

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  • avatar

    TheOtherOtherMe September 25, 2013, 3:18 pm

    Aaaaaaaaaaaand that’s why he’s still single.

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  • rosie posie

    rosie posie September 25, 2013, 3:20 pm

    That is epic. What a catch that guy is.

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  • avatar

    Kate September 25, 2013, 3:24 pm

    I actually do meet all his totally laid-back criteria, and I just got a bunch of sexy lingerie at my bachelorette party. But I’m getting an internet 6th-sense feeling that he’s gay, so I don’t want to pursue him and end up being disappointed.

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    • avatar

      Kate September 25, 2013, 3:28 pm

      Well I would just have to have my colorist warm me up and make me more coppery in order to win on the “redhead” part. I bet he’s ok with a blonde though. He seems pretty flex in general.

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki September 25, 2013, 5:05 pm

        The full text said redheads first, brunettes second, blondes third, so you would probably want to get that red goin’.

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      • Miss MJ

        Miss MJ September 25, 2013, 5:13 pm

        Oh, how lovely. He has a tiered system.

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      • othy

        othy September 25, 2013, 5:41 pm

        Well of course he does. The man knows what he wants.

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  • avatar

    AKchic September 25, 2013, 3:26 pm

    Talk about a douche-nozzle.

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    • othy

      othy September 25, 2013, 5:42 pm

      I was thinking douche-canno, but douche-nozzle works too 🙂

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      • othy

        othy September 25, 2013, 5:42 pm

        *canoe

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      • avatar

        MsMisery September 26, 2013, 12:48 pm

        Aw, I thought that was a typo for “douche-cannon.”

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  • avatar

    XanderT September 25, 2013, 3:29 pm

    I wonder if his mom would be proud of him if she read his profile – or think WTH?!? Where did I go wrong? So, so wrong. LOL

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  • avatar

    mcj2012 September 25, 2013, 3:32 pm

    I’m running out to become a stripper, get tatted up, sexing up 2 black men at one time just so I can’t be his type. what a douche!

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray September 25, 2013, 3:34 pm

    barf. the sad thing is this guy will find a spouse. or actually it’s a good thing. if he does, it’s proof THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE FOR EVERYONE!

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    • Lady_Red

      Red_Lady September 25, 2013, 7:57 pm

      Nice spin!

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  • avatar

    bethany September 25, 2013, 3:35 pm

    I wonder why white/hispanic is ok (in his book) but white/black is not?
    I wonder how he feels about white/asian?

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl September 25, 2013, 3:37 pm

      Yeah…I thought that was weird too.

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    • bittergaymark

      Bittergaymark September 25, 2013, 3:48 pm

      Sheer Practicality perhaps? There is a high latino population in Tex-ass.

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    • avatar

      Lily in NYC September 25, 2013, 4:10 pm

      Oh, wait, it gets MUCH worse. Here’s his response when called racist:

      I am NOT racist. Just because I don’t like the appearnce of black people does not make me racist. Just because I don’t like a particular painting, does not mean I dislike the medium of Art as a whole!

      But I will say this, Blacks do make up the majority of the inmates in the prisons in the country.

      And I think it’s White people that make up the majority of white collar executive types of positions in America. Probably more Whites are 1 percenters than there are blacks.

      When I think of all of the classical composers like Mozart etc that were pure genius, I don’t recall many of them being Black.

      This is the 1st black president we’ve had so far and look what a horrible job he has done.

      So in the grand scheme of things, it appears the scales are tilted in favor of Whites being the superior race, after all we weren’t the ones that were enslaved workinf cotton fields for 40o years..

      Just pointing out that history seems to show whites as always rising to the top and dominating all other countries and cultures and taking what they want and doing as they please, being the dominant, most powerful, most intelligent race….

      I’m not saying I personally believe whites are superior to blacks, I am not a scientist, and I have not studied it to any great depth…

      Just pointing out some observations.

      But, again, for the millionth time, I may be a jerk, but I’m not a racist, there’s a big difference.

      My best friends are black and I have no hatred for them.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest September 25, 2013, 4:12 pm

        Its kinda amazing someone can refer to Whites as the “superior race” and STILL say they aren’t racist. I mean, shit, if you’re going this far, just own your racism. Damn.

        Gotta love the ‘my friends are black.’

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      • avatar

        bethany September 25, 2013, 4:14 pm

        Oh dear god.

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      • avatar

        Taylor September 25, 2013, 4:15 pm

        Fuck.

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      • theattack

        theattack September 25, 2013, 4:16 pm

        hmm…. Why do I doubt that his best friends are black? Something just tells me that might be an exaggeration…

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      • Stonegypsy

        stonegypsy September 26, 2013, 10:59 am

        Well, he means “A couple people I passed in the street this morning made eye contact with me who were black, and that makes them my closest friends because no one else can stand me”

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle September 25, 2013, 4:18 pm

        Oh, oh, oh my fucking god. I can’t. Fucking disgusting attitude, not to mention absolutely NOT BASED IN FUCKING REALITY. He just basically outlined for everyone how stupid he is, to come to the conclusion that white people tend to hold superior positions based on, I dunno, genetics? rather than systematic oppression? Like, did you never wonder why you don’t hear of black composers? It’s not because there weren’t any! (Or if there really weren’t any, I wonder why that is? Is it because they weren’t given access or education to develop their talent? By the way, these are sarcastically-asked rhetoricals, not actual questions. Fuck you, guy)

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 25, 2013, 4:32 pm

        Yeah…I can’t even handle this. Like I can’t even make a sentence. GGuy basically studies why/how minorities where oppressed and how they fought against it…and what? I want to smack this guy.

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      • Miel

        Miel September 25, 2013, 4:38 pm

        This makes him look stupid, uneducated AND racist. At least from the original post, he only looked racist.

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      • mylaray

        mylaray September 25, 2013, 4:52 pm

        Yeah, I just love how he calls whites the most intelligent race. Dude, you’re just proving how dumb and uneducated you are. “I’m not saying I personally believe whites are superior to blacks…and I have not studied it to any great depth…” CLEARLY.

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      • Miss MJ

        Miss MJ September 25, 2013, 5:40 pm

        It’s the trifecta of blatantly racist, But, I’m Not a Racist!! speeches.

        Opens with “I’m not a racist, but…” followed by multiple shockingly ignorant and racist statements. Check. Acknowledges being a “jerk” (or wrong or misguided or misunderstood or whatever) but no, no, not a racist. Check. Finishes up with obligatory reference to “my best friends are black.” Check. It’s got it all.

        Astounding. And revolting. And, honestly, scary.

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      • MELH

        MELH September 25, 2013, 7:54 pm

        Ummmmm….I don’t think you can use the phrase “not racist” and “whites are the superior race” in the same thought….

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  • bittergaymark

    Bittergaymark September 25, 2013, 3:40 pm

    This a terrible ad to be sure. But God knows we could find a W4M just as bad if we were bored enough to do so.

    And I gotta say — I am with him on the tattoos. 99% of those are just artless and trashy. Worst. Trend. Ever…

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    • avatar

      Lily in NYC September 25, 2013, 4:11 pm

      Is is always a contest with you to prove that women are SO MUCH worse than men?

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark September 25, 2013, 4:36 pm

        No. Just equally bad, actually.

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark September 25, 2013, 4:40 pm

        I guess I don’t see any point in this post… Other than more male-bashing. It is certainly not surprising that some people are racist (IN TEXAS!). Gasp! Shock… Who knew?

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle September 25, 2013, 4:50 pm

        Why is it specifically male-bashing, though? He happens to be a man, but we are all just bashing his alarmingly racist attitude while making fun of the fact he wants 1,001 (at time contradictory) things in a woman, & is posting all of them shamelessly to the internet WHILE going on off-topic rants about poor people & racial superiority. It’s just ridiculousness.

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark September 25, 2013, 5:37 pm

        I dunno. It just seems like its another “Look! Another dumb man!” post. If the goal was truly to explore racism, then call attention to a shockingly racist F4M ad… If this was posted on say, GQ… I wouldn’t have the same objections…

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      • avatar

        MsMisery September 26, 2013, 12:53 pm

        Oh, I’m sure you’d find something to bitch about.

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      • avatar

        Lily in NYC September 26, 2013, 1:48 pm

        I guess I just don’t understand why you bother coming here – you obviously have nothing but contempt towards women. It’s kind of like if I went to a site for football lovers and constantly told them how much football sucked and how lame they are for watching the games.

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      • avatar

        Jules September 30, 2013, 6:38 pm

        Preach. I remember that time awhile back when BGM threw a fit over being called out for his extreme bitter misogyny and decided to leave DW “forever.” Good times. If only that had stuck. Insufferable troll.

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    • avatar

      va-in-ny September 25, 2013, 5:18 pm

      What about the fact that HE has a tattoo???

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  • avatar

    lemongrass September 25, 2013, 3:42 pm

    He looks like Doug Wilson from weeds.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson September 25, 2013, 3:43 pm

      Doug!! Love doug.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary September 25, 2013, 4:49 pm

      hahaha. DOUG. They gave me wine at work. Big mistake.

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      • avatar

        lemongrass September 25, 2013, 5:19 pm

        Man I am sometimes tempted to day drink. Especially today. Just have to wait until the kids is asleep… 4 more hours and counting.

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  • avatar

    Breezy AM September 25, 2013, 3:52 pm

    Lord as Xander said what must his mama think… if I were his mama I’d kick his ass into Lake Ontario. Nothing wrong with knowing what you want but boy you gotta market yourself properly and frankly… if you’re gonna be that picky? You best bring more to the table than “musician.” Just no. There’s plenty of rich dudes out there far less picky and probably better looking in more than a few cases. This mofo needs a reality check.

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    • bittergaymark

      Bittergaymark September 25, 2013, 4:09 pm

      Actually, I’d hazard most these wacked out beliefs would be embraced by his mother… Apples don’t fall far from the tree.

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  • avatar

    Morgan September 25, 2013, 3:59 pm

    Welp, guess my black ex boyfriend disqualifies me.

    Damn. I had the reddish hair and everything.

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    • avatar

      Kate September 25, 2013, 4:02 pm

      I know, doesn’t it suck to be like, “check, check, check… nope!”

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  • avatar

    bethany September 25, 2013, 4:06 pm

    I’m out, I have 2 tattoos and I’m a little over 130lbs at the moment. I wonder what he considers a high # of partners?

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle September 25, 2013, 4:12 pm

      I wonder too, but I’m pretty sure my # would be too much for this guy (not to mention the threesomes thing, which automatically cuts me from the running. How saaad)

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    • honeybeenicki

      honeybeenicki September 25, 2013, 4:16 pm

      I wondered what he considered a high number of partners too and then I wondered how many HE has had. But I’m sure that won’t matter. He’s allowed to sow his wild oats.

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      • avatar

        bethany September 25, 2013, 4:21 pm

        Based on what a douche he is, I’m going to guess 0.

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      • avatar

        Kate September 25, 2013, 4:26 pm

        0 female partners, 79 male.

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    • avatar

      Kate September 25, 2013, 4:24 pm

      In the full ad, he says he might ok with small dainty tattoos that you already have, but you need to be open to getting them removed, and he might be willing to pay for that. So don’t take yourself out of the running just yet.

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      • rainbow

        rainbow September 25, 2013, 6:30 pm

        And they have to be a butterfly or something princessy like that. Not satanic whore tattoos.

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  • avatar

    Lily in NYC September 25, 2013, 4:06 pm

    I call dibs! You bitches betta stay away; this one is all mine!

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    • othy

      othy September 25, 2013, 5:46 pm

      I’ll fight you for him.

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  • avatar

    painted_lady September 25, 2013, 4:12 pm

    Wow. A woman who has a really high sex drive but hasn’t had a lot of sex.

    It’s not the only problematic attitude, but it’s one of them.

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    • avatar

      Lily in NYC September 25, 2013, 4:31 pm

      Oooh, great point!

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  • veritek33

    veritek33 September 25, 2013, 4:25 pm

    Hmmmmm, I have the red hair and I’m white….but I weight more than 130, and I have two tattoos. I guess I missed out on this dreamboat.

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  • avatar

    Sue Jones September 25, 2013, 4:45 pm

    What. A. Tool! I don’t think he can afford to be all that picky because 1) He looks like a horse. 2) He obviously has never visited an orthodontist or perhaps had even basic dental care . 3) Wedding photographers are usually not rich enough to get away with being such an asshole 4) He writes like white trash himself. Any educated intelligent woman would never have him. 5) I would NEVER, EVER, EVER date a man who EVER wore a pink shirt, EVER!

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    • avatar

      Sue Jones September 25, 2013, 4:49 pm

      I also guess his ideal woman would need to be glasses-free, even if she were legally blind because he is so unattractive… Perhaps she would also need to be deaf or at least not understand English so she would have know idea what he was really like!

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      • avatar

        Sue Jones September 25, 2013, 5:13 pm

        “no idea” Last night was an insomnia night…

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      • Miss MJ

        Miss MJ September 25, 2013, 5:16 pm

        I have a feeling that some things transcend language. And sight.

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  • avatar

    kerrycontrary September 25, 2013, 4:51 pm

    On a more serious note, I think a lot of people have these sort of criteria when picking someone to date, they just don’t say their opinions outloud (because they know it would make them sound like an asshole).

    I also find that most men who have really high standards for women have very little actual experience with women (i.e. basement dwellers with neckbeards).

    They gave us wine at work! Well, mostly beer for Oktoberfest but I drank the wines.

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    • Nookie

      Nookie September 26, 2013, 6:10 am

      I was thinking the same! As I read it, I was thinking ‘this dude doesn’t get much action I bet’. There’s something about someone who’s really hung up on the physical (and his list of mental attributes aren’t as terrible, except the promiscuity bit) that makes me think that they haven’t had very much experience in the real world.

      Then they’d know the package doesn’t matter as much as the inside… Or something.

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  • avatar

    iseeshiny September 25, 2013, 5:23 pm

    The website is still accessible! You just have to patient and wait for it to load.

    Thank you for linking this – I need a laugh today and this whackadoo is the most entertaining person I’ve seen in a while.

    I am off to try to find the episode of Judge Judy he was on, in which he tries to sue two tattoo artists for two badly-done tattoos. (Not joking. ILU INTERNET!)

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    • avatar

      iseeshiny September 25, 2013, 5:26 pm

      Also, here is a picture of him. Why is this not on the news story?

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  • avatar

    tbrucemom September 25, 2013, 6:20 pm

    Obviously this guy is a tool but I have a problem with him being called a racist. He’s also sexist and a host of other unsavory things. I’m just not sure why that particular term was how he was initially identified. It almost makes it seem like that’s his worst offense when there are so many other things he could have been called. I guess I just think all of his “requirements” are equally offensive.

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  • lynn

    lynn September 25, 2013, 6:42 pm

    Hahaha… he isn’t even attractive.

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  • veracityb

    veracitybites September 25, 2013, 6:50 pm

    I kinda think this ad is a wind-up. You can’t spout that much crap in all seriousness now, can you? His ‘I’m not racist’ spiel is just a little too perfectly ridiculous.

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  • landygirl

    landygirl September 25, 2013, 6:50 pm

    Just because you haven’t had enough of Lovely Larry, here is his AMA on reddit done yesterday: Click on his user name to see his response.

    Also, just because I love DListed: http://dlisted.com/2013/09/25/this-pirate-shirt-wearing-romeo-will-pay-you-1500-to-find-the-girl-of-his-dreams-who-doesnt-exist-in-real-life/

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  • avatar

    Kate September 25, 2013, 8:45 pm

    Oh god help me, I just read his About Me page. I am obsessed. Also, did anyone else look at his teeth? Dentures, right?

    I wanted to think he was a hoax, but now I’m not sure.

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  • Nookie

    Nookie September 26, 2013, 6:12 am

    Whoops, late to the story as I just posted on FB. Still, atrocious taste in films. Sleepless in the Seattle was a terrible film.

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  • avatar

    eljay September 26, 2013, 9:25 am

    Oh, Larry, Larry, Larry. Just. Stop. Talking.

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  • avatar

    marin September 26, 2013, 9:53 am

    I just feel that if he REALLY wanted to fin someone who fits all his criteria, he would have to pay SO MUCH MORE!

    I don’t think this is even real, does he ever expect to meet someone like this? Or is this just an excuse as to why he is single so he can go on living with mommy for ever?

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  • avatar

    marin September 26, 2013, 10:07 am

    OMG now I read his website and I am FREAKING OUT because I think I am is dream girl!!!! I must sleep with a black guy and get some tattoos ASAP.

    More seriously though, I read his profile and he mentions his ex-girlfriend a few times (mmm red flag much?) so he lived with a woman for ELEVEN YEARS??? WTF????

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  • Kate B.

    Kate B. September 26, 2013, 10:37 am

    Wow, the old Madonna/Whore complex! Gotta love it. Sorry, Larry, but I would not NEVER, EVER, EVER date a man who wears pink shirts.

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  • Emily

    Emily September 28, 2013, 6:20 pm

    Why would a girl who met his criteria want to waste her time on him? Has he ever thought out that angle?

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