Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

The DOs and DON’Ts of Having the ‘What Are We?’ Talk

Another from Intern Claire:

Isn’t it the worst feeling when you don’t know if you’re just a hook-up for a guy or if you’re a potential girlfriend for him? Isn’t it even worse having to bring up the “what are we?” talk after a certain amount of weeks or months go on? But for those of us who are stuck in that “I don’t know if I’m a friend, hook-up or what” place, it feels like there’s a fat elephant in the room until the talk happens.

Thankfully, the “what are we?” talk just got a thousand times easier thanks to an article featured in Glamour and msn.com recently. This article gives you sixteen helpful ways to handle this talk and how to not freak out (or freak him out) if the feelings aren’t mutual. Like this tip:

Did you know that men have an ideal attention-span time? We didn’t either, but according to Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Sealing the Deal: the Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love, men’s testosterone levels drop between 4 p.m. and 6 p.m., which may make it easier for them to listen. “Obviously, if they’re just coming home from some horrible work crisis, you might want to take that into consideration,” she adds.

So ladies, if you’re in the awkward stage of not knowing what you are with your hook-up buddy—friend with benefits or significant other—and you’re tired of beating around the bush about it, do take a look at this article. I know “the talk” is always intimidating (no matter how close you are with him), but with these tips it’ll be much easier for you and your partner.

[via msn.com]

130 comments… add one
  • avatar

    rachel June 26, 2012, 1:31 pm

    As much as that website has the worst interface ever, the tips were actually reasonable and common sense, which we’ve established that many people are sadly lacking.

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  • avatar

    Christy June 26, 2012, 1:43 pm

    Claire/Wendy,

    I totally could have used this article 6 months ago! As a note, though, I know the Glamour article was really heteronormative, but could you maybe make the things you share on the site less so? I understand the need to stick to a gender for ease of writing, but could you add a “(or girl!)” after “…a potential girlfriend for him”? It would just be nice to throw in there, just to make sure us lady-lovers felt included. (Maybe that way the male readers would feel included too, even if the Glamour article was directed at women.)

    And FWIW, I think the tip you included was a good one. I wouldn’t have changed that–it’s something concrete that most readers wouldn’t know on their own.

    Love you both!
    Christy

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy June 26, 2012, 2:01 pm

      I hear you, Christy. I do make an effort to use more inclusive language and pronouns in my writing, but this is a good reminder for both me and Claire.

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      • avatar

        Christy June 26, 2012, 3:58 pm

        No, I know, you’re the best, it was (hopefully) the friendliest of reminders!

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      • avatar

        Natasiarose June 27, 2012, 1:08 am

        This is a great blog, but there are also great queer girl blogs out there too. Just sayin, there’s a place for everything.

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      • avatar

        Lydia June 27, 2012, 7:22 am

        I don’t see why that place can’t be here.

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    • bittergaymark

      bittergaymark June 27, 2012, 2:56 am

      I dunno. These tips seems to work only on men. I honestly wouldn’t advise my straight make friends to cross apply these to women, either….

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark June 27, 2012, 2:56 am

        male = make…

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    • avatar

      DMR June 27, 2012, 7:43 am

      If every column appended gender qualifications throughout “…boy (or girl!)” “him (or her!)”…. it will become stilted and formalistic.

      This advice column was easy to interpret for others, even though it was purportedly addressing a young heterosexual woman at the beginning of a relationship. Probably only a small proportion of readers fall into that exact category, but we all got something out of it anyway.

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  • EscapeHatches

    EscapeHatches June 26, 2012, 2:06 pm

    Scene: Couple sitting on couch, TV showing recent episode of Modern Marvels, dogs strewn about.

    Me: Honey, where do you see our relationship going?
    Him: Lovely – we’re married, you don’t have to do what the magazines say anymore. I was gonna get a beer, you want one? I think we have frozen glasses…
    Me: *swoon*

    Thankfully these conversations get easier. 🙂

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  • avatar

    Lindsay June 26, 2012, 2:17 pm

    Maybe I’m just bitter because I had this conversation (not initiated by me) last week, and it didn’t go very well. But I think if the person you’re seeing likes you enough, all the little details about the conversation shouldn’t matter so much. Obviously, asking like a crazy person might freak them out, but still. I don’t think being awkward or not saying the exactly right thing is going to make someone who wants to be your boyfriend decide otherwise. Or vice versa.

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    • avatar

      Elanie May June 26, 2012, 2:24 pm

      Agreed. It’s crazy easy when it’s someone who wants to be with you and it’s crazy difficult when it’s someone who doesn’t. You can minimize the drama and the impact of the convo, maybe, but you can’t change someone’s mind by asking him when you’re sitting side-by-side sometime between 4 and 6 pm.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 3:09 pm

        Way to give women everywhere no hope.
        So much for asking my boyfriend for flowers at 4 🙁

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      • FireStar

        FireStar June 26, 2012, 3:56 pm

        Greedy little thing. Didn’t I just read all about your bribes?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:02 pm

        hahaha. I thought those forums were like the deleted threads, never to be spoken of publically?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:12 pm

        publicly. I just skimmed and was like whose the idiot who doesn’t know how to spell. oh, its me!

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary June 26, 2012, 2:56 pm

      Awesome point! If you both want to be with each other it doesn’t matter how it’s brought up because no one is going to feel defensive or cornered. And if they do, well you know where you both stand, you just didn’t get the answer you were looking for (which suckkksss been there).

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  • Kristina

    Kristina June 26, 2012, 2:24 pm

    I agree with the article because I think those are good suggestions, however, and I might be in the minority, I strongly think you shouldn’t have sex with someone without having a good idea of where you stand. It doesn’t have to be a full-on “what are we?” talk at all but I think having a similar talk before you get too emotionally involved is best–some people know right off the bat whether they are looking for a relationship or just a hook-up and it could save a lot of confusion and hurt feelings if you are upfront from the beginning and have a basic talk along those same lines.

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    • Moneypenny

      Moneypenny June 26, 2012, 2:55 pm

      I have to agree with you… Of course, it’s all personal preference how far you take things or not, but this resonates with me personally. It’s a whole lot nicer when you have an idea of where you stand with someone instead of getting involved only to find out he just broke up with his girlfriend or something like that. (I say that because that has happened to me, more than once. Lesson learned.)

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      • Kristina

        Kristina June 26, 2012, 4:52 pm

        Oh man, that does always suck.

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    • avatar

      Lindsay June 26, 2012, 5:39 pm

      I agree. Mostly because I never follow this rule and then I realize later on that I could have saved myself a lot of trouble. Also, one cannot assume that just because a guy is acting like your boyfriend that it’s what he actually wants.

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    • avatar

      Anna June 26, 2012, 8:25 pm

      I agree. In the last two months since my breakup, I’ve decided that I’m not going to have sex again until I’m back in a serious relationship. I know that I can’t separate sex from emotional love and I don’t want to be used for sex. Now the hard part is how the hell do you end up in a serious relationship when you pretty much don’t ever go out and have social anxiety? Last time I randomly met a great guy at work. Now, I may never get laid again. And that’s rough for me because I really like sex.

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    • avatar

      DMR June 27, 2012, 7:05 am

      “you shouldn’t have sex with someone without having a good idea of where you stand”

      That’s unrealistic. Relationships just happen.

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 2:32 pm

    I feel like this is oddly contradictory to one of our DWisms…when (s)he wants to be with you, you will know it.

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  • Budj

    Budj June 26, 2012, 3:01 pm

    Why do you think I never post between 4 and 6 pm? Men are at the whims of whatever a woman asks between those hours…

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    • Lili

      Lili June 26, 2012, 3:04 pm

      So..is it 3 pm your time right now? Hmm. Taps foot impatiently–waiting for another hour to ask Budj to get back together with Addie!!!!

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      • Budj

        Budj June 26, 2012, 3:27 pm

        lol – well…we are in the same time zone now, but it seems she has another mid-20 year old dude to replace me 🙁

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 3:31 pm

        1. I’m still in Chicago, actually. I’m staying put. Condo-hunting, even. So Chicago Standard Time it is for me for the foreseeable future.

        2. What is it with me and mid to late 20-something year old boys? I love them.

        3. I miss our long talks, Budj. Sigh.

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      • bagge72

        bagge72 June 26, 2012, 4:04 pm

        IF Regina can do it, so can’t you two…

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 4:28 pm

        I dunno. Regina is not human. She’s a robot.

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  • Cara

    Cara June 26, 2012, 3:31 pm

    Apart from the fact that there´s not much of a dating culture here, I agree with Lindsay. It doesn´t matter if venus stands in just the right winkle to mars or some other ridiculous shit, if he likes you, chances are he´s already refering to you as his girlfriend (even not in front of you). Or maybe that´s just here. In my three “are we in a realtionship” situations it was never even a question, it either happened because either one of us accidentally said in when introducing the other one or the other time because I told him that I wouldn´t be comfortable if he dated someone else. (Long-distance thing, we were very much in love but didn´t think it would work because of said distance. Well it did, for 2 years.)

    Bottom line, I think you already know what it´s going to be when you think about the talk. That feeling like you´re going to get butchered when you get up the courage to talk to him about it? Yeah, it won´t go well, and you know it. When you can make a joke about it because you´re so comfortable with each other? You already know your answer too.

    Also that tip about planting a “seed” in his mind? Bullshit much? That´s like those ridiculous “How to get married” guides. You can´t convince someone to love you by playing stupid mindgames. And it bothers me that there are so many articles out there about “How to snag a guy and make him commit to you forever and ever”. I doubt many guys are happy to be reduced to simple-minded creatures whose will we can bend just by tricking them.
    Are we that desperate that we can´t let things happen naturally?

    P.S: I don´t know why that makes me so angry today.

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    • JK

      JK June 26, 2012, 3:33 pm

      Yeah, here relationships are very different, as well. I´ve never had “the talk”.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 3:35 pm

      Great comment.

      Last sentence was perfect, but I’ll add if you can’t let it happen naturally, SAY WHAT YOU WANT.

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    • mandalee

      mandalee June 26, 2012, 3:48 pm

      I’ve never had the talk either, and I assumed I was the only one after reading all these articles and advice columns about it. In all of my relationships (3, which I guess is a small number), we dated for a few weeks and then it was just assumed that we were official. Someone would call the other person their “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” or something to that nature and we both have that “I guess we are in a relationship moment” and carry on with the relationship and it developed organically. I don’t think I ever planted a seed in anyone’s mind. If he wanted to be with me, great. If not, there’s nothing I could really do to change that.

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      • avatar

        ktfran June 26, 2012, 4:13 pm

        I don’t think I ever had the talk either. It just happened. And that included people I dated briefly (six months or so) and people I dated more long-term (2 years plus).

        Any time I thought a talk was warranted, the relationship ended before I got up the nerve to have the discussion. But I guess if that’s what happened, we really weren’t that into each other in the first place.

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    • avatar

      Christy June 26, 2012, 3:57 pm

      It’s much easier when it’s the opposite sex. If anyone had looked at how my now-gf and I were interacting pre-“talk”, they would’ve called us out on dating. Neither of us was sure, though. The talk definitely helped us solidify what we were.

      Special thanks to my BFF for refusing to drive me to the airport until I talked to her. Did I wait until the absolute last minute–around 3:15 AM when I was supposed to leave at 3? You betcha. Did it go well? You betcha.

      Some people just need “the talk”. We definitely did.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:04 pm

        I saw your melon cat on a commercial the other night in bed and shouted OH ITS CHRISTY’S CAT!

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      • avatar

        Christy June 26, 2012, 5:42 pm

        LOVE!

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle June 26, 2012, 3:46 pm

      Yeah, I really can’t take these kinds of articles seriously because it seems like such mind games. If you can only sit in a certain position at a certain time in order to have an adult conversation, then what is the point?

      I mean, I get it’s supposed to be cute little tips to ease a person’s mind before they go in for “the talk” but it’s sort of depressing to me & not cute at all. Plus Glamour has lost whatever little credibility it had for me when they published this

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      • JK

        JK June 26, 2012, 3:51 pm

        Oh wow. The comments are the worst part. Scratch that, the worst part is that I know at least one person who would probably try this!

        People: A guy is not going to propose just because you make him chicken. It has to be at least a lasagna, of course. 😀

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 3:52 pm

        Care to disagree. I cooked it last night and am proudly wearing a 4.5 carat ring today. In. Your. Face. JK.

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      • JK

        JK June 26, 2012, 3:54 pm

        But my lasagna got me 10 carats. So there. 😛

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 3:56 pm

        Can it be lazy lasagna? Cuz thats the only kind I know how to make!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:00 pm

        What’s lazy lasagna? (what a fun word to spell out, btw)
        Is it take out?
        Is it weird that I want to test this chicken out? Not to get engaged, but just to see if its real. Lets all make it and we can determine the accuracy of the chicken engagement. I shouldn’t get my hopes up. Magic8ball.com has let me down countless times so I try not to fall for these things.

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 4:03 pm

        Its basically just ravioli piled on top of each other and then covered in Marinara sauce and baked. I’m craving lasagna now btw, but I’ll try to make it the ‘real’ way tonight. Off to pinterest to find recipes!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:07 pm

        You know what’s awesome? Mr. Whatshisface’s ravioli. Belvadere? What the hell is his name. Anyway, mmmmm. Turns your face all orange. Its great though.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:13 pm

        Chef Boyardee

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      • avatar

        ktfran June 26, 2012, 4:14 pm

        Hmm, maybe I should make it and a man will magically show up at my door and propose?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:16 pm

        on a white horse probably!
        I dare you to cook it tonight and report back in a week.

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      • FireStar

        FireStar June 26, 2012, 4:20 pm

        home made linguine with pancetta in a vodka rose sauce. guaranteed to work.

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 5:00 pm

        ‘vodka rose sauce’–Can I get the recipe please?! That sounds so good, I’d marry myself after having it.

        Sorry Ktfran, engagement off.

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      • FireStar

        FireStar June 26, 2012, 8:41 pm

        I put a post under recipes for you. In all honesty I’ve had straight women propose to me after it. 🙂 My friend in NY wanted to fly me in one weekend to cook it for her again. Of course my friend is lazy. Recipe is super easy – but dangerous.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 3:58 pm

        Well then, I guess I need to pick up some marinara sauce on the way home!

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 3:53 pm

        OH my GOD I know. I browsed through the Glamour cookbook at the library once after seeing that on the cover. I thought it was related to something served at a good friend’s engagement party. But nope. I was like HOLY Hell what message is this sending by labeling it “engagement chicken’ Men propose because they want to spend their life with you, not because you made them roast chicken.

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      • Cara

        Cara June 26, 2012, 4:00 pm

        Lol, “I made this last August and he proposed in January!” That´s about as related as “I wore pink shoes in February and he proposed in September”
        Wanna bet they nagged them about wanting to get married in the meantime?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:02 pm

        Wanna bet these women had some serious mental collapses crying about chicken that left their boyfriends seriously confused?

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      • Cara

        Cara June 26, 2012, 4:06 pm

        It´s all the chickens fault. Maybe for those it didn´t work for left out something realy important (the rosemary!!!) and somehow it became the break-up chicken?

        Also, this is really sad.
        “Well, I made this recipe for valentines day 2 1/2 months ago and still no ring… I wish we had some kind of time frame in which we could expect this to work! haha…”

        That little haha just broke my heart, it just sounded so very desperate.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:08 pm

        Oh that IS the saddest little haha I ever read.

        Its like those lol people stick at the end of a text to make it seem like they aren’t crawled into a ball hysterical in their bed.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle June 26, 2012, 4:07 pm

        “It’s been 4 months since I made you that chicken!! WHY HAVEN’T YOU PROPOSED”

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:10 pm

        I’d like to see video of some crazy chick throwing a hot chicken or a tupperware of it at her boyfriend.

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      • Cara

        Cara June 26, 2012, 4:21 pm

        Do you think they keep the chickens head in the freezer, to eat one year later, kind of like the top layer of a wedding cake?

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 4:23 pm

        Eww, today I’m a vegetarian!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:53 pm

        Ahahaha, Good one!

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      • Cara

        Cara June 26, 2012, 5:09 pm

        I´ll be here all night, ladies and gentleman!

        Actually I won´t, because I have an exam tomorrow morning and it´s already 11 p.m. Gaaaah

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    • Leroy

      Leroy June 27, 2012, 12:17 am

      You’re definitely onto something. I’ve honestly never been on the receiving end of ‘the talk’, but I suspect that’s because I tend to be pretty candid about my feelings for a woman, and don’t let things get to that point without making my intentions clear.

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 3:34 pm

    You could always just introduce him to the mailman as your future husband and/or baby daddy and check out his reaction 🙂

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 3:51 pm

      Guys, I’m just trying to fill in for Addie while she’s working. Cut me some slack and throw me a bone for god sake (a bone in the form of thumb-ups).

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      • Cara

        Cara June 26, 2012, 3:52 pm

        There, happy?

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      • FireStar

        FireStar June 26, 2012, 4:03 pm

        Is anyone facebook friends with rainbow? Maybe it is just me… but I feel like I haven’t seen her commenting lately. Maybe it is because she could write a book on her life so far but I feel a little worried about her today for some reason…

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      • JK

        JK June 26, 2012, 4:04 pm

        I realized the other day that I hadn´t seen her comment for a while, I dont have her on fb though.

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 4:05 pm

        I’m gchat friends with her! I just sent her a im letting her know you’re/we’re thinking of her 🙂 Hope she responds!

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 4:11 pm

        Update: She’s fine! Just busy 🙂

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      • FireStar

        FireStar June 26, 2012, 4:14 pm

        Thanks Lili – damn you’re efficient.

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 4:23 pm

        You’re welcome! Haha, its why I like to keep all my DW friends on my gchat and fb friends list. I like to send random Ims to see how people are doing when they ‘disappear’ and i live on gchat, perk of not having to do any real ‘brain work’ at my current job…but I really do need to start doing something productive soon.

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      • JK

        JK June 26, 2012, 4:49 pm

        You´ve never added me. 🙁
        I don´t add people, I fear rejection.

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 4:50 pm

        Aww JK–Headed there now! I THINK I know who you are…but wasn’t sure and didn’t wanna appear creepy. I think we have enough DW friends in common for me to be sure now.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 4:50 pm

        Wait, you added me, didn’t you? Or did I add you?

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      • JK

        JK June 26, 2012, 4:53 pm

        You added me, after we messaged for about a month hahaha. I add noone!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 5:10 pm

        That’s high class. I add everyone. And their moms. Literally, moms too.

        You know how we really love lets_be_honest but we don’t let ourselves LOVE LOVE her too much because she refuses to FB friend us? Think one day she’ll get off her high horse and friend us?

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      • JK

        JK June 26, 2012, 5:34 pm

        @AP I think lbh wants to maintain a certain amount of mystery. My theories are a) that she´s famous, and the whole meet lbh was a hoax b) sheps on the witness protection program

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 5:41 pm

        Oh god I hope it’s (A) because I am a slut for celebrities!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:55 pm

        Ha! I’m pretty sure I have an outstanding relationship status request from my boyfriend from a few years ago.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:05 pm

        I’m not, but I feel like she was on in the past day or two.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 4:09 pm

        I love seeing Addie in your comments. I don’t even care what you say about me.

        Today is a slow day. A busy day in the caferia but a slow day at my desk. I’m 110% ok with that.

        Condo hunting is stressful. I want: private rooftop with city views, 2 car garage, 2-3 bedrooms (preferably 3), 2 bath, swanky kitchen and bathrooms, in Lincoln Park. … And within my price range. So far, no luck. It’s making me sad.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:11 pm

        You’re moving? Where have I been?

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 4:21 pm

        Well, I rent an apartment but now I want to buy the perfect condo I described above. (All in Chicago.) But I need to find it first.

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      • avatar

        ktfran June 26, 2012, 4:17 pm

        Can I be your roommate? I want a swanky kitchen. And I want to host lots of dinner parties.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 4:20 pm

        I want to host (ie, have it at my house), but you do the cooking!!

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 4:26 pm

        And it better be engagement chicken!!!

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      • avatar

        ktfran June 26, 2012, 4:28 pm

        Done (cooking) and done (engagement chicken).

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 4:36 pm

        Kt–Will you marry me?!

        Wow. It worked!

        Mind Blown.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:56 pm

        Funny thread today! Do you guys remember that show off’s DW home tour with the crazy cool, modern kitchen? That was awesome.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 5:09 pm

        That is EXACTLY how my kitchen will be. When I find it.

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      • avatar

        ktfran June 26, 2012, 5:35 pm

        I accept.

        Totally worked. That was easier than I thought.

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 5:41 pm

        Sorry, I’ve already reneged it for a Vodka Rose Sauce recipe up there. I hope we can still be friends though.

        BTW, w hat are everyone’s thoughts on this recipe:http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael-ray/you-wont-be-single-for-long-vodka-cream-pasta-recipe/index.html

        I call BULLSHIT. Because I used to make my ex vodka sauce and Chicken Tikka masala (from a ‘family’ recipe) all the time and now I’m single. I didn’t use chicken stock though, maybe THATs the trick?! But seriously, chicken stock in vodka sauce? What if I’m serving it to a vegetarian?!

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      • katie

        katie June 26, 2012, 9:58 pm

        oh god chicken tikka masala is amazing!!!

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      • katie

        katie June 26, 2012, 10:00 pm

        oh, and lili, there is chicken stock in EVERYTHING. its a staple. if your a vegetarian you have to be super careful and ask tons of questions. its in probably every soup and sauce.. basically anything semi-liquid you can assume has it.

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  • avatar

    lizikins June 26, 2012, 3:47 pm

    This couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I just started recently “seeing” someone (I think, anyway. lol). I’m not sure if we’re quite ready to have this discussion yet, but in a couple weeks for sure.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 4:26 pm

    Do you guys think Claire Bear likes to be called by her name Claire Bear? I don’t understand why she doesn’t sign off with Claire Bear? It’s her nom de plume. I think it would be funny of someone went by Chanel and called it her nom de perfume!

    Ok, I’m going to go enroll myself in benefits now and sign up for direct deposit. I also need to update my linked in profile with my new job info. Busy day.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 4:29 pm

      Oh come on, nom de perfume? That’s the funniest thing you’ve heard all day!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 4:29 pm

        It’s actually not very funny.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 4:30 pm

        Your mom is not very funny. (Snap!)

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        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 4:32 pm

        You know what? Everybody sucks. (And poops.)

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 4:37 pm

        Everybody also thinks Addie is hilarious and the center of the DW commenting universe.

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        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 4:44 pm

        She needs a *lot* of attention, doesn’t she? It’s because she grew up the youngest of five and didn’t get enough attention…. So she would wake up early before everyone else did and go outside and ring the door bell of each and every neighbor until *someone* would come outside and play with her. Then she’d go home only when her mom yelled it was time to eat and then again when it got dark. Then she’d go tuck herself in bed because she would get so sleepy by 8 or so but everyone else was still eating dinner and whatnot.

        Woe is Addie Pray…

        Gawd, (1) Why so needy today? And (2) What’s with the talking in third person?

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 4:48 pm

        1) IDK, but go get some attention from the cute lawyer. Or better yet, get back together with budj and give ME the cute new lawyer.

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      • JK

        JK June 26, 2012, 4:52 pm

        Go on, you can say it, you missed us as well-. COmmenting goes a lot slower without you, AP!

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        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 5:06 pm

        I missed you a ton! Though, I really only took Monday during the day off. … And truth: that’s because I was physically unable to dearwendy, not because I had willpower or anything. (I was in new employee orientation most of the day.) My excuse for today is the work load is really slow and I already finished the two assignments I have due on Thursday. But *tomorrow* I’m going to be diligent and not daytime dearwendy. Maybe i just need to ease out of daytime dearwendying – by doing a day on, a day off, etc. until I can wean myself off.

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        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:58 pm

        God I love you.
        Story–in 4th grade everyone in class modified the Your Mom to be Dave’s Mom for some reason. All day long you’d hear Dave’s Mom. So one day the principal comes in to our classroom to let us know that Dave’s Mom died years ago and we should stop. How messed up is that? Poor kid.

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 5:04 pm

        I was the kill joy who’d always use that retort to your mom jokes as well in middle school! I mean, its true but mostly it was because I never had a very witty to have a comeback to anything funny ever. And I mean, i’d chuckle later imagining my step mom in place of ‘your mom’ Wow. I was a messed up kid like dave wasn’t I?!

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        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 5:14 pm

        Just last night before dinner, my daughter heard us kissing, so she goes Ewww, its gross when you guys kiss. My retort-its gross when YOU GUYS kiss.
        They both looked at me like I was an idiot. And then my SO pointed out that I have never not provided a comeback, even if it made no sense at all.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson June 26, 2012, 5:26 pm

        I go to the pool for 2 hours and you guys blow up this thread with your bonding? That’s really rude.

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        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 5:28 pm

        I was thinking of you the WHOLE time.

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        lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 5:32 pm

        me too, but more than Addie was.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson June 26, 2012, 5:33 pm

        Good. BTW remember when I was disappointed that my dream job was only part time? I got over that real quick. Working part time is amazing. I love pool time.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson June 26, 2012, 5:33 pm

        Oh and AP when should we tell LBH about our little stalking her project?

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      • Lili

        Lili June 26, 2012, 5:34 pm

        Liar. you said i was amazing and the only one for you. Not that IWTTS chick. We were talking MARRIAGE?! What was that–all lies as well?!

        Haha, sorry I’m bored. And couldn’t help but jump in.

        Get a nice tan IWTTS? its so dark an gray here that i’m contemplating buying a happy light in June aka junuary.

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        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 5:40 pm

        @IWTTS, you really SUCK at stalking. Sigh.
        @Lili, you’re better at stalking.
        @lbh, I have no idea what those idiots are talking about
        @Claire Bear, why do you hate us?

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        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 5:04 pm

        Aw, poor Dave! I often forget my friend Todd’s mom is dead (ok, not often, but like 3 times) and will say “your mom” to him. He always responds “thanks, she’s dead” – just like that to make me feel bad. Truth is he is just jealous because I am kicking his ass in words with friends these days. That, and his mom really is dead but he’s not actually offended by the occasional “your mom” joke.

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      lets_be_honest June 26, 2012, 4:57 pm

      I’m not sure I even like CB since she won’t participate in the threads.
      Side note-my boss won’t allow direct deposits because he thinks we can hack it and get extra paychecks. Crazy soup for lunch!

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        Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 5:08 pm

        Seriously. A forum full of “cool kids” like ourselves bless you with the COOLEST NICKNAME EVER and you don’t thumb it up all the live long day and comment here and there? (Gasp, do you think she really does hate it and is trying to be polite by not saying anything at all since she has nothing nice to say about the nickname?)

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        joanna June 26, 2012, 5:40 pm

        That’s one of the craziest things I’ve ever heard.

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    • BriarRose

      BriarRose June 27, 2012, 8:24 am

      That may or may not be my real name, and if it were, I’d tell you that being called Claire Bear by anyone other than your mother is highly annoying! PS. Aside from the Claire Bear thing, Claire is pretty much the best name ever. Not that I would know or anything.

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        lets_be_honest June 27, 2012, 9:24 am

        This is really disappointing to me, not the anti-ClaireBear talk, but that you’re name may not actually be Briar Rose. Really, really disappointing.

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        Addie Pray June 27, 2012, 9:33 am

        Briar Rose’s new nickname is Party Pooper.

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      • BriarRose

        BriarRose June 27, 2012, 11:26 am

        Hahaha! Well it doesn’t seem to bother the “real” Claire, so Briar Rose’s comments in the Claire Bear arena will be stricken from the record.

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    Claire June 26, 2012, 8:50 pm

    Hey everyone! Sorry to be MIA I was at work most of the day. Thanks for all the commensts and interesting discussions you’ve all left here. Makes me feel so loved! I have to be honest, I’ve only been in one relationship and fortunately the only part of “the talk” we had to have was us telling each other that neither of us were seeing anyone else and then it was clear to him and all his family and friends that we were boyfriend/girlfriend.

    However, I know many of my friends who’ve had “the talk” be a royal fail all because they either did it via text, did it when they were wasted, or got too emotional and cried, or didn’t give the guy enough time to think about what he wanted if he was caught off guard and bombarded him until they got an answer (and the answer usually wasn’t what they wanted after all that border line stalking they did).

    It’s always very fortunate to know what you are with your partner from the start and to never have to have the talk. However, I know in the past year I’ve faced a lot of situations where I didn’t know what me or the guy I was dating was. I wished so much each time that it happened that I just knew like I did with my ex. But every person is different and every relationship is not the same as the last (which is good but also bad at the same time). For me personally having “the talk” when I didn’t know where a relationship was going with someone was very helpful and made both of us realize that we were looking for different things before either of us got too serious or too emotionally attached.

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      Addie Pray June 26, 2012, 8:56 pm

      Ok but how do you feel about the name Claire Bear?! Sigh.

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  • avatar

    Claire June 26, 2012, 9:17 pm

    lol I’m fine with the name claire bear Addie

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      Addie Pray June 27, 2012, 9:33 am

      “Fine” with it but not, like “in love” with it? Got it.

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