Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

The Five Minute Marriage Makeover

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Some pretty solid, albeit somewhat no-brainer, marriage tips. Got any of your own to add?

18 comments… add one
  • avatar

    TheOtherMe September 1, 2011, 11:50 am

    Cook together. Take a bath together. Read together.

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    • avatar

      JennyTalia September 1, 2011, 12:13 pm

      My boyfriend and I always shower together. It’s “all-business,” but just spending that extra 15 minutes together is nice in our busy schedules. If we showered separately, it would cut into the already scarce alone time we have together, plus we save on energy bills.

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      • Lyra

        L September 1, 2011, 12:46 pm

        Pretty sure I would get distracted and it would be difficult limiting myself to 15 minutes… 😉

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      • JK

        JK September 1, 2011, 1:05 pm

        Beore the kids came along my husband and I always showred together on sundays. I hated it!!!! it was “all business” as well, but, his being so much bigger thn I am, he always ended up hogging all the best space in the shower. Luckily when I was pregnant with our 1st I convinced him that it wasn’t such a good idea, he always convinced me before by the “romance” of the situation (he’s about as romantic as cleaning the toilet is, haha).

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl September 1, 2011, 1:53 pm

        I love “all business” showers. It’s a rare few minutes with zero distractions like tv, phone, internet. My boyfriend also acts like a small child in the shower singing and dancing so it’s pretty fun event. Sadly it only happens like once a week now that the semester has started 🙁

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      • avatar

        Britannia September 1, 2011, 11:57 pm

        I guess I’m in the minority here; my shower time is my private, decompression time and I absolutely hate it when anyone, including my beloved boyfriend, intrudes. I don’t like sharing the water or having someone else’s eyes on me.

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    • avatar

      Bethany September 1, 2011, 12:37 pm

      omg, if my fiance tried to cook with me I think I would kill him!!!
      Kitchen=My Space

      Although I’m sure a lot of people would love cooking with their spouse, I’m just not one of them!

      One of the things that I really like doing is eating dinner out on the deck and then just sitting around for a while after dinner. For some reason when we eat inside he can’t just sit around and talk/relax after we’re done eating, but get him out on the deck and it’s a totally different story! I love it!

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    • avatar

      LennyBee September 1, 2011, 1:57 pm

      My bf and I love cooking together. Even if it’s just me cooking, and him keeping me company (although he usually gets in on the action too). Cooking together really extends “us”-time, since sitting down to supper tends to be a pretty fast event.

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      • avatar

        TheOtherMe September 1, 2011, 2:12 pm

        @LB: YES ! sometimes I just sit him down & make him watch me… cook, that is !
        😉

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      • avatar

        Britannia September 2, 2011, 2:12 am

        Actually sitting down at the table is a rare occurrence for my boyfriend and I, since we both go to school and work, so when we do manage to actually cook a real meal and have time to sit down together, it’s rather special and makes us feel closer to each other. We even bust out the cool Ikea plates for sit down dinners versus the retro plates I bought at a second hand store.

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  • avatar

    PFG-SCR September 1, 2011, 1:28 pm

    Laugh, laugh and laugh more together.

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom September 1, 2011, 2:01 pm

      We love to laugh together.

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  • avatar

    SGMcG September 1, 2011, 1:51 pm

    Kinder words in your conversations go a long way. Saying please for assistance should be standard vocabulary when talking to your spouse. Also, never underestimate the pleasure of thanking a spouse unexpectedly for everyday mundane matters.

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    • avatar

      amber September 1, 2011, 2:01 pm

      I definitely agree with thanking a spouse for every day tasks. It’s easy to feel unappreciated for doing certain things and forgetting that they may feel the same way about the things they are doing!

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  • avatar

    amber September 1, 2011, 2:00 pm

    Taking a step back and counting to 5 (or 10) when in the middle of a heated discussion/arguement and thinking about whether or not it’s really important. Apologizing when I find myself harping on something that isn’t important enough to be arguing over.

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom September 1, 2011, 2:01 pm

      Learning to apologize is big!

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    • avatar

      Britannia September 2, 2011, 2:16 am

      I’d take it a step further and say that learning how apologize for the sake of peace is a very important skill to learn for life in general and intimate relationships specifically. There are times where I do “something wrong” that make my boyfriend mad but I don’t think are a big deal at all, and even though I don’t understand why he’s so damn angry, I understand that my actions made him angry and he needs to hear an apology in order to get over it. So I apologize that I made him angry, even though I don’t think I was in the wrong. He’s learning to do the same when the situation is reversed.

      Of course such an apology isn’t something anyone ever wants to do, or advocate really, because it’s technically insincere. But it’s really, really a good thing to do sometimes simply for the sake of preserving the peace between you and another person over something that is trivial to you but important to them.

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  • Skyblossom

    Skyblossom September 1, 2011, 2:08 pm

    Learning to be flexible was important to us. You work out who is doing what and when and then something in your life changes and you need to work it all out again. When we moved from an apartment to a house we suddenly had a lawn to mow and flower beds to care for and more space inside to take care of and we had to work out all over again who did what. Then our son was born and he was lots of work and we again had to rebalance who did what. When we moved from our first house to our current house we again had to find a new balance because the houses themselves were different so required different amounts of time to do chores. Our first house had lots of hardwood floors and this one had all carpet so that changed what needed done just for cleaning floors. My husband’s commute also became longer at this house and so I started cooking dinner by myself where before we always cooked together. Then our daughter was born and again we needed a new balance.

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