You expect a guy you’ve been dating for eight months to give up the free time he and his son are lucky enough to have together so that he can work harder and earn more to support you through school? “Brat” is far too generous a term for that. Be a damn grown-up and take care of your own financial shit. Once you two are more serious and thinking long-term about spending your lives together, you can discuss financial expectations, but to have expectations of being supported at this point because you can’t — or don’t want to — work as hard as you have been to get yourself through school is bonkers.
Is it bad that sometimes I feel taken advantage of because their mom is having it easy while I’m here doing all the hard work and he’s at work every time they are here? It’s like the full responsibility gets dumped on me. I wouldn’t be complaining but being pregnant and dealing with kids that argue 24/7 or don’t clean up after themselves is really irritating right now and I just need a break. When I ask for a vacation, he wants to take them with us so I’m like, geesh. Will I ever be able to just relax? Like, what do I do? This is my first kid and this whole pregnancy has been so stressful. — Stressed-Out Preggo
It’s not “sole custody” if your boyfriend’s kids don’t actually live with him. Joint custody, maybe, but definitely not sole custody. And, what do you expect when the kids come visit? That their mother come with them and take care of the cooking and cleaning in your home? Wtf? If you aren’t prepared to be a stepmother figure, then you shouldn’t be with a man who has three children, and, if the minimum basic part of parenthood has you so stressed out that you already need a break despite not actually having your own child yet and only caring for these other kids on a very part-time basis, then you probably shouldn’t be having a child with someone who doesn’t have time to spare for the children he already has.
The answer is: No, you probably won’t be able to relax very much with a baby on the way and three other children to help care for. You could move closer to where your partner’s kids live, though, so that it would be easier for him to spend time with them when he’s not working.
I think if you’re still upset about something that happened five years ago and have been furious this whole time and feel disrespected by your boyfriend’s seeing a massage therapist regularly, one to whom he gives personal gifts, then ending this relationship is probably LONG overdue.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.