Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Thursday Links

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Since tomorrow is a holiday here in the US, I’ll be taking the day off from posting new content. Hope most of you enjoy an extended holiday weekend, and, in the meantime, here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“Why College Students Need a Class in Dating” [The Atlantic]

“The One Big Downside To Virtual Friends” [via HuffPo]

“Here’s What the Hobby Lobby Supreme Court Decision is Really About” [via Slate]

“I Couldn’t Turn My Abortion Into Art” [via NYTimes]

“30 Bisexual Women Discuss Their Long-Term Relationships With Men” [via Buzzfeed]

“‘Enjoy Your Houseful of Cats’: On Being an Asexual Woman” [via The Toast]

“Everything I Fucked Up While Trying to Eat Like Gwyneth for a Week” [via Jezebel]

“An Open Letter to Women Who Settle for Men Who Don’t Deserve Them” [via The Stir]

“MISSED CONNECTIONS FOR A-HOLES” [via The New Yorker]

[image via The Atlantic]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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16 comments… add one
  • KKZ

    KKZ July 3, 2014, 3:22 pm

    Oh hey look, Snarkymarc, an article directly relevant to our conversation on the dancing thread!
    .
    These are all great links, this may be the first Links list where I’ve clicked on nearly all of them.
    .
    Have a great weekend everyone! I’m kicking it off with boating with a bunch of friends on the Ohio river tonight, then my FWB is coming to visit tomorrow for some ‘fireworks’ 😉

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    • KKZ

      KKZ July 3, 2014, 3:32 pm

      The college-kids dating one made me roll my eyes so hard. Yet another “hookup culture is the end of the world.” Don’t older folks have better things to do than worry about us 20-somethings and our sex lives? And who says hookups and romance are mutually exclusive? What’s so wrong with prioritizing other things, like school and career, over dating for those 4-6 years?

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    • KKZ

      KKZ July 3, 2014, 4:52 pm

      And while I”m talking to myself, I just finished the bisexuality one and WOW. It kinda makes me glad I didn’t really get involved in the LGBT community because it sure seems judgment flies rampant towards bi’s, which makes NO SENSE to me, you’d think that LGBT folk would be less judgmental about orientations?
      .
      After 13 years of invisibility in a hetero-monogamous relationship, I’m ready and eager to be OUT. And curiously, not even all that nervous about it, except when it comes to my parents. I tried coming out to my mom as a teen after I figured it out for myself, but she waved it off and said I was too young to know what I wanted; the topic hasn’t been raised again since. For everyone else, friends, family, coworkers, I sort of have a “yeah, I dig women, what of it??” attitude around the idea.
      .
      And other than my mom, I’ve been lucky to never once have a negative reaction from those I’ve come out to. I’ve never brought it up with my dad, though; the one opportunity I had, I chickened out – he was dropping me off at college and I mentioned I was going to a Rainbow Alliance meeting, he asked why and I was like “Oh, the cause is really important to me…” Lame. But I kinda feel like if I did tell him, he’d be put off – not in the “that’s gross” way but in the “Why do you feel I need to know that?” way. He’s a very private person and expects the same of others.
      .
      OK now I’m just putting off getting things done.

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      • Miel

        Miel July 3, 2014, 5:14 pm

        There’s a channel on youtube that I really like called Gay Writes. I’m pretty sure there’s also a blog/tumblr but I just go on youtube. The girl herself is bisexual and has a few videos on bisexual erasure and how coming out as bi was probably harder than coming out as a lesbian. If you’re interested, I think she’s really great.

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      • KKZ

        KKZ July 3, 2014, 5:23 pm

        Thanks for the recommendation! I’ll check her out.
        .
        And hey guys, I just came out to all of Facebook by sharing that article with some unambiguous commentary. This includes aunts, cousins, coworkers, friends, acquaintances, in-laws…. I’m curious to see how this plays out. If nothing else, the assholes will reveal themselves and I can write them off.

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  • avatar

    Jane July 3, 2014, 4:13 pm

    Regarding the ‘open letter to women who settle for men who don’t deserve them:’
    .
    My initial reaction to this was that yeah, I’ve lowered my standards and that makes me kind of sad. Also, judging by the letters we see on DW, plenty of women need to be increasing their standards.
    .
    However, I DO wonder how much a princess complex may be playing in to the dissatisfaction of several women, including me.
    .
    Logically, I get that being alone is better than being in a sad/abusive/dramatic/unhealthy relationship. But after searching for something for a few years, you start to believe the odds are just not in your (or most people’s) favor.
    .
    So, when you finally stumble upon someone that you do actually like but he doesn’t immediately treat you like a queen, it can still be nice to get a little something even if it’s not some built-up dream realization.
    .
    I don’t think that it always has to do with having enough self-esteem to think you deserve better than mediocre. I personally think I deserve someone who would put as much effort in as I would. I just think it’s not statistically feasible to expect to only ever date someone like that without first spending years in a celibate existence.
    .
    I think there’s something to be said for people who are a positive addition to your life without being a knight in shining armor. It’s just not gonna happen for everyone, and maybe more people would be okay with that if we stopped telling them otherwise.

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      SasLinna July 3, 2014, 5:53 pm

      I do agree that lots of women need to massively increase their standards, but the focus on getting flowers and picnics was very weird to me. There are extremely disrespectful guys out there who constantly bring their girlfriends flowers and make big romantic gestures.

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        SasLinna July 3, 2014, 5:56 pm

        Plus, “don’t settle for good” sounds off to me. That makes it sound like a guy needs to be perfect. I think settling for good is a good idea (provided it’s actually good!).

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      • Cassie

        Cassie July 3, 2014, 6:17 pm

        Yeah, the focus on picnics, flowers, and big romantic gestures was a bit over the top. I definitely think women (and men) should have higher standards for their partners… but those standards should be along the lines of, “Treat each other with kindness, affection, decency, and respect.” It may not be giving compliment after compliment, but instead could show up as one partner doing the dishes for the other even when it’s not their turn. Neither person should take the other for granted and stop showing thoughtfulness towards the other person’s happiness. It goes both ways. That’s a standard I think is worth holding out for.

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    Penguingina July 3, 2014, 9:31 pm

    I don’t know why the older generation always says that those of us who are college-aged don’t know how to relate to others face-to-face. The most fulfilling conversations and interactions I have are in person, hands down, and I don’t know anyone who would rather text or Facebook chat than actually hang out. We just like to keep up with people in between hanging out. There’s a ton of people in relationships at my university. No one needs help in that respect.

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  • Lyra

    Lyra July 4, 2014, 1:34 am

    Holy crap when looking at the article from The Stir I found this: http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/174141/7_days_of_no_fighting
    .
    I. Just. Can’t. How does she think this is normal???

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    • Miel

      Miel July 4, 2014, 11:07 am

      It seems like it’s a big revelation for her and she had never thought about it before. And now she wants to share the knowledge with all of us like it’s the discovery of the century. I mean, poor kids, it must be so stressful to hear screaming sessions all the time like that.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra July 4, 2014, 11:16 pm

        Not to mention the “hey I had a revelation! This forced us to TALK about it!” Ummm, hello…you should have done that from the beginning. Fighting is exhausting and unhealthy.

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      d2 July 4, 2014, 11:44 am

      I suppose if they were raised around screaming, they just think that’s normal. I can’t imagine living like that. After the first screaming session, I would be explaining why I would not be accepting that behavior in a relationship. A 7-day challenge? For the sake of their kids, they need to take the 7000-day challenge.

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    • KKZ

      KKZ July 4, 2014, 12:51 pm

      Wow, holy crap indeed. Someone needs anger management advice, methinks. The example of coming down the stairs to find the dishes hadn’t been done, and how she described what she normally would have done – what an overreaction! I’m not sure how “passionate, stubborn” people like this function out in the world with such a twitchy trigger finger, let alone how two of them could stay married to each other. Can you imagine what she would be like to work with?? I’d be walking on eggshells around her constantly.

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  • avatar

    MsMisery July 9, 2014, 9:43 am

    Just read the Asexual article (Enjoy Your Houseful of Cats). I had some time off work so I am just catching up on DW now. As an asexual woman, I’ve been wondering when/if this topic would ever come to light, as a part of LGBT issues or on its own. It doesn’t surprise me the backlash the author has gotten from internet trolls and IRL manbabies. It’s one of the reasons I have not come out at large. Many people don’t even believe asexuality exists, unless you’re a starfish or something. I think I will pick up her book when it comes out.

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