This topic contains 49 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by Ruby Tuesday 1 hour, 43 minutes ago.
January 12, 2018 at 10:28 am #735684
I have a 17 year old. Her behaviour is affecting everyone. We have tried every thing possible. I am sick of her screaming and shouting all the time. Her mess is intolerable. She thinks nothing of going to sleep at 4am and keeping the whole house up. Going in the bath flooding the bathroom nightly even at 1am. Her room is disgusting yet screams when she can’t find anything. The list is endless. Everything is always everyone else’s fault accept hers. She swears at me and the way she speaks to me is disgusting. I’ve tried talking to her. She has always been a problem child and We have always walked on eggshells around her. I often go to my bedroom out the way as it’s easier and still hear her screaming and shouting from downstairs. I can’t cope any more. My husband is sick of her and recently we have started to argue with each other over her as she is now pitting one against the other. I’m physically worn out as we never get to bed before the early hours due to her upsetting the hours.I sat her down less than two days ago and explained to her her behaviour is unacceptable and she said yet again she would change. I got to sleep at 4:15am this morning due to her. I have now reached my limit. I’ve told my husband she needs to leave he won’t allow her so I’m considering leaving myself as the stress constant arguments are too much. Any advice we have done the phycologist, parenting courses you name it,she is still the same.January 12, 2018 at 10:55 am #735686
I mean, I was a real bitch of a 17-year old with a super messy room, and I fought with my mom both physically and verbally. I had sleeping disturbances too. And I’m a functioning, self-sufficient adult.
But your daughter sounds like she might be disturbed, meaning some kind of mental illness. Did she get a diagnosis? Was there anything in her past that was traumatic?
I don’t think you should be kicking a kid out of your house before she’s 18 and has a plan for school or work…January 12, 2018 at 11:03 am #735688
Has she seen a health care professional or a mental health professional? She sounds like she has issues that need to be addressed. If she refuses to go or it doesnt help, then have her move out. Depending on the laws in your state you may be able to make her. If you cant do that, then you can send her to boot camp. Honestly, it sounds like she needs it because she will be forced to exercise discipline, it wont be an option for her to throw tantrums or act like a terror. My mom threatened me with that when I was a teenager who was partying a little too hard and I straightened out considerably. At that point she will make her own decision, move out or go and you will not be violating a state law if it applies in your state. I know this sounds harsh but you havent done your daughter any favors by enabling that behavior… and I may be wrong but it sounds like you have set her up to be this way. She throws a tantrum and you cave or go to your room. Instead, how about if you throw a tantrum you have no car, phone, tv or bedroom door? If she goes out in the world with that attitude, it is going to chew her up and spit her out. But you dont need to walk on eggshells in your own home or take that kind of shit from your child. Good luck!January 12, 2018 at 11:54 am #735693
Yes she has seen a healthcare professional. She has seen a phycologist and was offered counselling for her behaviour and anger issues but refused. Taking a TV away from a 17 year old does not work she’s bigger than me! There is nothing in the past that has been traumatic though she does have adhd however her behaviour is worse as she gets older. The help available is nothing GP not interested phycologist has told her her behaviour is unacceptable however there is no solution. I am on the receiving end daily and dread every day and what verbal abuse screaming etc will ensue.January 12, 2018 at 12:21 pm #735701
It’s time to find a new doctor and a new therapist, if the ones you’ve been seeing haven’t been helpful.January 12, 2018 at 12:48 pm #735708
The GP has not been helpful as it’s above his level the therapist has. The therapist has given her things to help but she can’t be bothered to even try. It’s got to a point now where I would rather leave the family home than put up with it. You can only try to help someone so much and if they don’t try what is the point. Yes she’s my daughter but it’s a living hell to put up with her.January 12, 2018 at 1:27 pm #735716
“There is nothing in the past that has been traumatic”
Ummmm…that you know of. Teenagers are very good at keeping secrets especially painful ones.
You need a new therapist for your daughter. Maybe the old psychologist, the one who told her that her behavior was “unacceptable,” didn’t practice the patience and compassion that your daughter may need.January 12, 2018 at 1:46 pm #735719
She has had 4 different phycologists. She has been given various advice and methods to help. I could not possibly go into all the problems with her behaviour but at age 17 she is old enough to know respect and behave. She does not swear at college tutors for instance. As I said it is unbearable I have exhausted all avenues and medical intervention so I feel for my own sanity. It’s so depressing with her screaming shouting and constant verbal abuse I cannot tolerate it any longer.January 12, 2018 at 2:36 pm #735739
If you think she doesn’t have a mental illness I would try a different strategy. If you are having trouble with her taking showers/baths late at night and leaving water all over the floor. Can you either turn off the water when you go to bed or flip the circuit breaker so that the bathroom is totally dark when you go to bed.
If she starts screaming take her by the arm and take her to the door and put her outside and she can’t come in until she has been quiet for at least five or ten minutes. If she is bigger than you then maybe your husband could do this.
She needs an immediate consequence that is non-negotiable and always consistently happens. You need a consequence that is serious enough that she will take notice and modify her behavior to avoid the consequence. Expect her to respond negatively at first. Getting a consequence will make her angry. I wouldn’t respond to the anger except to put her outside until she can behave inside.
You and your husband need to talk about this and come to a joint agreement on consequences and discipline.January 12, 2018 at 2:42 pm #735741
When she is screaming I would say something like we don’t scream in this house so you will have to be outside until you are calm for at least ten minutes. Say that as you are taking her to the door. She may fight being put outside but you can’t let that stop you.
I’d ignore the messy room but she isn’t allowed to scream about not being able to find things in it.
If you get up in the morning and the bathroom floor is flooded you need to drag her out of bed, literally if necessary, and make her clean the bathroom. She may do nothing else until that bathroom is clean. Then she must wash all the rugs and the towels used to mop up the water. If she starts screaming she goes outside (or whatever consequence you have chosen) and then the moment she comes in she is back in the bathroom cleaning the floor. Don’t let her use the consequence for screaming to get out of other consequences. This could take all day in the beginning because she is going to try everything to avoid the consequences. No breakfast, lunch or dinner until the bathroom is clean.January 12, 2018 at 2:57 pm #735749
I agree the problem is she is 17 we have had neighbours complain about her screaming and shouting so putting her outside at 2am may cause issues. When we have done this in the past she has damaged doors. The main issue is she is not a small child she is 17 and I don’t think grabbing her and making her go out side is the right thing as she lashes out. It’s an awful situation and I’ve looked for any help out there and there is none. I have told her to leave as she can behave how she likes in her own place however my husband does not want to make her go however everyone has a limit and mine has gone as she is making me ill. It’s gone on for years now but as she is growing up she is not getting any better just worse. She’s broke all sorts of things and furniture in her rages.January 12, 2018 at 3:07 pm #735751
Do you have a garage? Can she stay in the garage until she is in control of herself? Even if she is damaging a door I would leave her there. If she is damaging things you can call the police and have her taken away. Sometimes kids need a wake up call. Sometimes they think their parents just have to put up with them.