Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

17 year old serious anger issues.

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice 17 year old serious anger issues.

This topic contains 49 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by avatar Ruby Tuesday 2 hours ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 50 total)
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  • #735752 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    I would definitely look into leaving her in the dark after a certain hour each evening, especially in the bathroom.

    #735756 Reply
    avatar
    Kate

    If the water and electricity could be regulated, that might be ok, but I fear putting a minor child outside could leave parents open to allegations of neglect and abuse, even in a garage. There was just that horror story about the little girl who died after being left outside, and then the story changed to her being in the garage. Plus she’d probably scream and damage property out there.

    #735757 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    What does your husband do in these situations? Are you the only one dealing with it? Are you the only one cleaning up the bathroom?

    You may have a husband issue as much as a daughter issue.

    #735792 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yeah, if your daughter is getting violent / screaming / sabotaging your sleep / damaging the house, he needs to be involved and trying to do something about it, such as physically restraining her when necessary, if he’s able bodied.

    What is the plan for her when she turns 18?

    #735794 Reply
    becboo84
    becboo84
    Participant

    Hi LW, I am so sorry that you are experiencing this right now. It sounds traumatic for everyone involved, including your daughter. I hope you will revisit whether it’s possible that some type of mental health issue is involved. I am reminded though of something that I have found to be so true in my life, both as the child and now as the parent: When our children are behaving the most unlovable is when they need the most love. This doesn’t mean they don’t need consequences for their behavior, but it does mean that they always need to be shown grace, compassion and love.

    #735795 Reply
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    TheRascal

    I agree with Kate that putting her outside or locked in a garage is not the solution. She’s not an animal.

    If she is violent and breaking things and totally uncontrollable, perhaps you make steps to have her institutionalized. The way you describe her behavior makes it sound like she is having psychotic breaks and has severe mental illness.

    #735798 Reply
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    Heatherly
    Member

    Perhaps think about getting & reading this book:Parents with Teenagers Handbook. You can find it on Amazon. It’s by a man who runs Teenage Bootcamps & seems to been working with difficult children for many years. I can’t guarantee it’s worth as I don’t have children yet, but you’ve got nothing to lose at this point.

    #735800 Reply
    FireStar
    FireStar
    Participant

    It sounds like mental illness. She’s a minor – can you have her committed since she is a danger to others? I can’t imagine how hard this must be. But she needs your help now more than ever and your window to help is closing.
    Where are you? What government services are available? Can you get help for your anxiety so you can be in a place to help her? Can you take a weekend away to recharge a little? Does her school have help?

    #735819 Reply
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    Cyndi

    Call the police the next time she goes berserk. She is a danger to you. Why is it she doesn’t swear at the tutors? So she knows better. You lost control a long time ago. Now she is too big to be controlled. Taking away shit & redirecting only works when your child is younger & smaller. You have to take more drastic measures. I have s 15 year old screamer who has put holes in doors. She learned the hard way a last year when everything was taken away . She was lucky she still had a bed. Things a lot better- because I am meaner than she is & she knows it. She also out weighs me by 50 pounds. Get tough.

    #735820 Reply
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    Cyndi

    I took away things when it still worked. If I did it now, she wouldn’t care, except for her phone- that I would break in front of her & she knows it.

    #735834 Reply
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    Sunshine Brite

    Has she seen a psychiatrist for medication management? It does sound like she has a serious behavioral disturbance outside of normal functioning for that age. Continue trying to force therapy and skills work now while she is a minor. Call a mobile crisis team if she is keeping everyone up at all hours or 911 if she is presenting as an immediate threat. Maintain firm and consistent expectations and reactions. Get your own help to deal with her upheaval of your lives.

    #735835 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    Putting her outside or in the garage is not treating her like an animal, it is giving her a timeout which is a time tested successful parenting technique. Putting her in her room would not be an incentive to stop what she is doing. Putting her outside (if the temperature isn’t bitterly cold) would give her the least opportunity to damage things unless she did something like she started breaking windows. At that point the police need to be called. If she is doing something that would get her arrested as an adult she should get arrested as a juvenile so that she gets the message that she can’t do that. If it happens as a juvenile the record will be closed. If she does the same thing as an adult then she will have a public record. It is better that she learn this lesson while she is a juvenile. Also, if she is acting out and the police see it they might be able to help direct you to a psych evaluation and their report would help document the behavior.

    I do think she needs a psych evaluation and the window for getting one will end when she turns 18 and has to give her own consent. A lot of mental illness shows up in the teen years with hints at it much younger. In my extended family I’ve had two step-cousins who were bipolar. Both exhibitied uncontrolled behavior well before the diagnosis. One of them did a lot of screaming and was making Molotov cocktails in the family garage when he was sixteen. The court ordered him into a psych placement. I think the LW should talk to the police about what is happening and ask for guidance as to when to call them when an incident is taking place. You probably don’t call over a flooded bathroom but if items are being destroyed you probably do.

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