- July 8, 2017 at 11:53 am #693095
Fyodor, I don’t see that she’s holding him in contempt. And I don’t see that there’s anything wrong with saying, “babe, I really care about you, but I’m finding the excessive compliments and all a bit over the top, and it’s beginning to bother me.” And seeing where he goes with it.
Part of the problem is that when you wait until it’s REALLY gotten on your nerves before you say something, you tend to get crabby and short tempered about it. Speaking early is better than waiting till the arm-chewing stage. ;-PJuly 8, 2017 at 1:00 pm #693098
This is contempt. This is not the way someone in a salvageable relationship feels about their significant other or really someone that they even like”
“I haven’t seen him in about two weeks as, but when we text he’ll randomly say something about him talking to the most beautiful girl in the world, or something cheesy like that (gag).”
“now whenever I see or text him, I get really annoyed by this.”
” He constantly wants to kiss and hug me… but sometimes it’s a bit much.”
” I really can’t take it anymore.”
“Sometimes we’ll just be having a normal conversation and I find myself getting annoyed for NO reason?!”
“Hell ask me what I’m doing or what I’ve been up to all day and I feel like he just always wants to know what I’m doing (not sure if it’s just me being weird or if he’s just clingy honestly).”July 8, 2017 at 1:23 pm #693099
Agree. If she felt pretty good about him but just needed a little more space, the tone would be different. This reads to me like incompatibility. She doesn’t even miss him when he’s not around, she gets more annoyed with him. That’s not gonna work. She could tell him to change and he’d probably try, but this is who he is.July 8, 2017 at 2:25 pm #693102
Nowhere do I suggest that this relationship is salvageable. I just figgered that it would be better to talk, and would have been long before now. Seems to me that it would be more hurtful coming out of the blue than to have a clue from whence the problem comes. Since she does profess to care, I thought it would be a kindness, and maybe prevent him from becoming an embittered “Nice Guy”(trademark).July 8, 2017 at 2:32 pm #693103
Yeah, if this isn’t contempt, I don’t know what is… LW, you are clearly so just NOT into this guy. Hell… Pretty much anybody else who writes in complains that their boyfriends are NOT romantic, never compliment them and blah blah blah. Straight guys REALLY can’t win, I guess. 😉July 8, 2017 at 3:16 pm #693105
I think this is either you not being that into him anymore OR you two just being incompatible in terms of how you like relationships to be. Yes, a person can let a partner know that they find certain behavior annoying, but when the behavior is that person expressing their feelings for you, I don’t really see how that could realistically not turn out really badly. If someone told me they wanted me to stop being affectionate with them, it would make me very self-conscious and make me wonder if they even liked me all that much.
You either need to find someone whose affection doesn’t annoy you or find someone who is less affectionate.
Also, if someone was intending on breaking up with me, I would NOT need/want to know that prior to that point, they were cringing every time I expressed how I felt about them. I don’t think giving a heads up that she hates when he touches or speaks to her is going to make a breakup that much better feeling than just saying, “I’m not feeling it anymore.” I’m very glad none of my exes have listed out the reasons they don’t want to be with me anymore.
In high school, I met a guy who was also a little older than me, and he opened my car door and brought me flowers when I graduated. The way I knew that I didn’t like him was that those things annoyed/embarrassed me.
July 8, 2017 at 5:44 pm #693112
- This reply was modified 2 weeks, 5 days ago by dinoceros.
Yes, kisses, hugs, touching, compliments from someone you are physically attracted to and in love with or at least happy being with, are pleasant turn ons. The same from somebody you are just dating out of inertia and not really into is just a cringe-worthy reminder of how not into that person you are. A person’s reactions to kisses and touches is a good read-out of how they see the relationship. There may be friendship, but there is no physical attraction left from LW’s side of this ‘relationship’. In answer to LW’s preemptive complaint of us: she may know what love is, but seems unable to tell when love is over.July 8, 2017 at 5:49 pm #693113
Well, she wrote in like a week ago (she was a year younger then, go figure), and got told she was young, so that’s where the preemptive complaint came from.July 8, 2017 at 6:46 pm #693114
Maybe, like the band Foreigner, she wants to know what love is.July 8, 2017 at 7:10 pm #693116
LW, I’m not gonna tell you you’re too young to know what love is. But I do think you might not have enough experience to know when a relationship has run its course and burned out. Because that’s exactly what’s happened here. You’re done with this guy. Sure, it’s possible that you still feel love for him, but the relationship is over.
Do the kind thing and let him go. He’s probably over-the-top with the affection because he can feel that you’re not into him anymore.