Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Am I overreacting?

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This topic contains 13 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by avatar Ashley 6 days, 17 hours ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 14 total)
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  • #696625 Reply
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    Angel

    My fam and I recently planned a luau. My sister has the largest yard and recently had a pool put in so we all agreed that her house would be the best place to hold the party. She recently lost her job so my parents and my husband and I paid for most of the decorations and all of the food. We also helped set up. Oh, and my husband did all of the cooking. Fast forward to the day after the party and all of the guests take to social media to thank only my sister and tell her how awesome her party was. My mother and I were a little hurt by this, but even more upset when my sister did nothing to remind the guests that it was a family event. I don’t want recognition for the sake of my ego, but it does bother me that no one seems to recognize the hard work that the rest of my family put in to make the party a success. When I talked to my sister about it, she said I should be the one to “remind” everyone of the rest of the family’s involvement. Indeed she should have at least mentioned us when she was thanked by the guests, instead of accepting their praise and failing to acknowledge us. Do you think my feelings are valid?

    #696631 Reply
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    FannyBrice

    Honestly, yeah. I do think you’re overreacting. Yes, your sister could have said something like, “oh it was a whole family effort!” or something like that but I don’t really see what the big deal is. What are you hoping to accomplish by reminding people that you and other people did the work? Facebook posts thanking you? Is that really worth starting a fight with your sister? I just don’t see any upside of making this an issue.

    #696632 Reply
    FireStar
    Firestar

    I think your feelings are exhausting. It would have been nice for her to acknowledge your family’s joint effort. She didn’t. That generally gets filed under “oh well.” Isn’t the Important part your guests had fun? Let it go now.

    #696634 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Your feelings are valid in the sense that we can’t help how we feel, but this is petty and yes, you’re overreacting. Sure, it would’ve been *nice* if your sister had acknowledged the rest of you on social media, but she’s didn’t. Reminding them yourself would seem odd, so I don’t recommend that. I’d let it go.

    #696635 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    Way overreacting.

    #696657 Reply
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    Fyodor

    You should definitely publicly drag your sister, who just lost her job and hosted a big party for your family in her home. Only terrible people say “you’re welcome” when thanked. She should have aggressivey corrected everyone to give credit to you. This kind of snub cannot go unanswered.

    #696658 Reply
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    Fyodor

    Also, you seem to be very confused about what kind of “thanks” are owed for parties. Inviting someone to a party, even one that is expensive and time consuming isn’t like giving them a car. It’s understood that party hosts are having guests because they want to… have a party. So you thank the host, but that’s more a manner of acknowledging the social bond rather than measuring in a particularized way who did the work/spending for the party. Maybe you would be happier not doing family parties if you think that your guests owe you and are “hurtful” for only thanking the host.

    #696678 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    You have to realize that when a guest is invited to a party they assume the party was provided by the host, who was your sister. Do you really want your sister to go into some long spiel about how she couldn’t afford to provide the party because she lost her job but her family still decided that she had the best house for hosting the party so still decided to use her home even though she couldn’t afford it and so her family spent most of the money and did a lot of the party preparation. That would begin to sound really petty. If you want the thanks then host the party at your own place and people will thank you. People thanked the hostess which is what you are supposed to do and your sister didn’t feel like explaining her lack of funds to those people and she didn’t care to explain why her family would still use her house, which could make all of you look like jerks, even though she couldn’t afford the party. Think about it. You all chose to use her house. Did you thank her for that? She probably could have used the time the party took for other things, like her job search. She might have wanted peace and quiet. She might have wished her house wasn’t full of people. If you didn’t thank her for using her house then she might be as angry with all of you as you are with her. Did you help clean up the mess afterwords? Did she find people in places in her house where they didn’t belong? Did she need to go out and buy more pool chemicals that maybe she couldn’t afford?

    #696680 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    Yes, overreacting. I’m not sure why you expected your guests to know that you guys paid for the party. If I go to a party, I thank the host. If you want to get praise for a party, then you need to host it at your own home. The term “gracious host” is used for a reason — when you choose to host an event (whether that’s paying for it or setting it up or whatever), it’s supposed to be a generosity that you are giving to your guests. It’s not a demand for thank-yous.

    #696682 Reply
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    Gwyneth

    It would have been nice for her to give some credit to your husband for cooking. But unless they were really specific compliments about “all the work to decorate” or something I think it’s ok she didnt mention the rest. Give her a break as she’s probably stressed about her situation being unemployed. She should thank you guys, but saying it once in private should be enough.

    #696687 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    Is this typical with your sister? Do you have long simmering resentment? Because yeah, it’d be nice if she had thanked the rest of the family but on a scale of crap to deal with, I rate this around a 2: mildly irksome, not as painful as a hangnail.

    #696689 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    “My sister has the largest yard and recently had a pool put in so we all agreed that her house would be the best place to hold the party.”

    Did your sister offer her house or did the rest of you decide that her house was the perfect place and then tell her you were having a party at her house?

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