This topic contains 13 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by RedRoverRedRover 6 months, 1 week ago.
- February 10, 2017 at 1:56 am #672857
recently i feel like not caring abt the rest of the world except for my baby…and that too seems like a task sometimes. outside of my job i feel like shutting myself off to the rest of the world and just keeping to myself after i get home from work…ive stopped msging my few acquaintances…i never had any friends to begin with though i tried…and have decided not to attend any social events for the rest of my life . im 36, the last 10 years i struggled to build a career, to conceive and to build a social life but kept moving from place to place. i have a baby and it suddenly dawned on me that i dont have any good friends anyway and now ive stopped caring.surprisingly though it doesnt bother me one bit but im worried for my child. i dont want him to grow up without friends. as for me…im fine even if i die friendless because im so tired of trying and being judged and dumped that i dont care any more. Is this normal?February 10, 2017 at 6:41 am #672863
It sounds like you’re a single mom with a lot on her plate, and you’re tired and possibly depressed, so I don’t think it’s necessarily not “normal” for you to feel this way. Do you have any family nearby? Are you able to see a therapist about depression (probably not, I know). This seems like a defense mechanism for now, but not how you’d want to be for the rest of your life. If there are people you’ve been blowing off who could be a support network for you, I’d say try to do a little something every week then reach out….February 10, 2017 at 7:37 am #672865
*to reach out. Maybe one person a week, just a text?February 10, 2017 at 7:54 am #672866
This is how a lot of introverts feel actually. My mom was this way and I don’t think it really affected us much. Of course we didn’t do “playdates” back then so maybe it’s different now.
Have you always felt like it was exhausting to try to keep up a social network? Do you only do it because you feel like it’s expected, not because you want to? Are you generally happier being by yourself than being with other people? If this is how you’ve always been, then you may just be an introvert. I know people sometimes treat us like we’re freaks, but it’s totally normal. Although I will say, it’s still important to have some kind of support ssystem. Do you have family? A husband/partner? Being completely alone is hard because sometimes you need help, especially with a baby.
If these kinds of feelings are relatively new then that might signal depression and you should probably talk to your doctor. But if you look back and see that this is how you’ve always been, and you’re happy by yourself most of the time, then you’re probably just an introvert and that’s fine.
As to your baby, are they in daycare? I assume so, since you’re working. In that case, they’re socializing all day so playdates aren’t as important as for kids with stay at home parents.February 10, 2017 at 7:58 am #672867
Also, just FYI, “anti-social tendencies” is a term usually meant to describe people with an actual social disorder, like sociopaths. Don’t describe yourself that way to people, it could give them the wrong idea. Just say you’re unsocial or not social.February 10, 2017 at 8:54 am #672870
“recently i feel like not caring abt the rest of the world except for my baby…and that too seems like a task sometimes”
“have decided not to attend any social events for the rest of my life”
“im fine even if i die friendless because im so tired of trying and being judged and dumped that i dont care any more”
I’m an introvert. This doesn’t sound like introversion to me. This sounds like severe depression, possibly postpartum depression.
@whatkatydid, please print out your letter, and show it to your doctor. It’s really, really important that you do this, for your baby’s sake. If you have a family member that you’re close to, please show it to them, too. Today.February 10, 2017 at 9:15 am #672872
Agree. I have more introvert tendencies than extrovert so I get not wanting to be around people, especially when tired, feeling crappy, etc., but this reads like depression, not someone who is doing just fine and is comfortable with her choice to limit social contact.February 10, 2017 at 9:19 am #672873
@essie, I went through this same thing though. Where I worked and worked at it and it was exhausting but I felt like I *should* have a social network. When I finally said I din’t care and I’m giving up on it, it was such a relief. Now I have one really good friend, plus my husband and family, and that’s enough. Also I’m on mat leave right now and having to spend so much time with my baby is a struggle. I need alone time. That’s just how it is.
Like I said, if these are new feelings then it could signal an issue. But if she’s always found it exhausting to maintain a social group and she’s never really cared to have one, that’s pretty normal for introverts.February 10, 2017 at 3:02 pm #672904
I think if this is a sudden drastic change there could be cause for concern. If this is somewhat how you’ve always been though it could be ok. I know I feel some what’simikar often. I’ve grown tired of friends coming and going. I’ve never been one to have a big group of friends. After two of my good friends basically dumped me last year due to whatever (one that I had dated then broke up with a guy in the circle) I find myself over it. I prefer being at home.
That said, you should have some social interaction. For yourself not just your child. You can have up and down periods but sometimes forcing yourself to get out is worth it. Plus as your child is a bit older some will come more naturally since they will be involved in activities.February 10, 2017 at 7:26 pm #672917
Oddly this type of question came up for another socially anxious new mum:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-introvert-mom-must-ditch-her-crippling-sidekick-self-doubt/2017/01/02/47417eea-ced4-11e6-b8a2-8c2a61b0436f_story.html?utm_term=.3b6dedbd31b7&wpisrc=nl_hax&wpmm=1February 11, 2017 at 11:48 pm #672967
I do have a husband…but he is much more introverted than me and he doesn’t care. yes this is a recent thing..i feel like i’ve reached a compromise with myself…for years i’ve felt like i SHOULD have a social life and i tried but just couldn’t maintain it. now i feel like i can be alone all my life and i don’t care. yeah it might be depressed but that’s fine…i don’t have the luxury to mope around…i am functioning fine…i’m doing my job fine…im taking care of my baby fine…its not like im not able to function or anything. i dont even cry. so i guess its just that i’m an introvert. this has nothing to do with post partum depression. but then i look at my baby and feel like he will suffer because of it. i don’t want to have a first birthday party and no guests. you guys are saying ‘get out sometimes’…i feel like laughing…where do i ‘get out’….there’s no place to go really…i do go to work everyday and do do my groceries.
trying to mingle with people is just too tedious…very few people invite and the last time we invited 2 new people they didnt even turn up.February 11, 2017 at 11:54 pm #672968
my mother in law currently stays with us and takes care of the baby. (its very hard living with her).and i haven’t blown off anyone. i graciously accept any invites i’ve received..last year there were precisely 3 invites.