Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Anyone going on awesome dates?

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This topic contains 5,625 replies, has 76 voices, and was last updated by avatar TheHizzy 2 days, 4 hours ago.

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  • #716720 Reply
    veritek33
    veritek33
    Participant

    hfantods -that sounds relatively normal to me. He just sounds interested in you and he’s letting you know. If he was dropping L bombs and declaring you two a couple, I’d see that as a problem.

    I’m no expert though, given my past history at red flag missing. But the guy I’ve been on 5 dates with has said to me that he thinks I’m pretty and he wishes our dates lasted longer/he really enjoys spending time with me. But nothing overbearing or pushy.

    #716756 Reply
    Cleopatra_30
    Cleopatra_30
    Participant

    WEES @hfantods Definitely sounds like he is enjoying his time with you and is making it known. No red flags there! I agree as well to take it date, by date, don’t rush into anything and make sure you are comfortable the entire time.

    Met my guys friends this weekend. They were visiting from Ontario for a few days. I met up with them both Saturday and Sunday evening for dinner. They are definitely a crew! All have similar mannerisms and personalities. So it was interesting to see where some of his traits developed and came from. Both very nice people, although the one friend was pretty much drinking the entire time/visit. My Guy commented that he is worried about him, as he seems to have a drinking problem, but also Crohns, which he isn’t managing well. My little bro has it as well, diagnosed at 12, took him several years to figure his shit out, so it was shocking to see someone in their mid 20’s still struggling to come to terms with it. But I bonded with his female friend over our love of Stephen King, so that was cool 🙂 Otherwise a good visit! My Guy is meeting a few of my friends tonight rock climbing. He may meet more of them this week at an event in the city we are checking out.

    #716763 Reply
    hfantods
    hfantods
    Participant

    Thanks for the reassurance folks 🙂 Yes, it’s only been a few dates. The last couple were more marathon dates like 8-9 hours. I think we’re just enjoying each other’s company right now. No talk about exclusivity or anything, which is a good thing.

    Aw, yay for meeting his friend’s @Cleo! Glad it went overall well.

    #716787 Reply
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    MissDre
    Participant

    Back from the UK. Jet lagged and don’t wanna go to work! Blah. Will catch up on this thread soon. Hope you all had a great weekend of awesome dates 🙂

    #716954 Reply
    avatar
    MissDre

    I just found this online and thought it was awesome:

    http://rolereboot.org/sex-and-relationships/details/2017-09-dear-dana-break-someone-move/

    Staying with the wrong person won’t make you happy, but leaving the wrong person also won’t make you happy. Leaving the wrong person doesn’t create happiness—it only creates space. And that space can be filled with any possible thing. At first it will be sadness and loneliness, then restlessness, and then, maybe, eventually, hopefully, a form of happiness. But at first, you take your slight daily misery of being with the wrong person and you ratchet it up so it becomes an acute daily misery of mourning a relationship that has ended.

    In order to completely change your life, to leave the person you love and set out anew, you have to basically take a portion of your life and set it on fire. You have to metaphorically burn it down to prevent yourself from going back. Some people may be well-versed in the art of breaking up with a long-term partner and still staying friends, but I think only 10% of the population can pull that shit off. The rest of us light a match, throw it, and run.

    Burning down your life sucks because you’re surrounded by ash and rubble and you’re also on fire. Because, you see, in burning down your old relationship, your old life, you’re really burning down yourself. You’re the one who’s on fire. Lots of profiles on dating sites and apps state strongly that they aren’t looking to date anyone who’s fresh out of a relationship. Why not? Because people fresh out of a relationship, especially fresh out of a long-term relationship, are kind of awful. They’re metaphorically aflame and can’t be any good to anyone until enough time passes that they can put the fire out. But, in the meantime, they walk around, burning, singeing everyone they try to kiss. They can’t be of any use to anyone until they calm down, accept their new single state, put out the fire, and allow for something new to grow.

    Right now, you are in it. You are in the shit. You are grieving your lost relationship, you are forcing yourself to try to go out and be single and have fun, but you are also miserable. Now, lean in close to the computer screen and pretend that I’m holding your face tenderly in my hands: I need you to understand that your current misery does not mean that you made a mistake. Your misery is understandable, and so temporary that in a few more months, a few more years, you will hardly remember it. In order to break free of that situation which was not right for you, you had to make yourself uncomfortable. This pain you are feeling is real, but it is also temporary. It’s not punishment—it’s growth.

    More at the link.

    #716956 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    That’s nice… but where’s your Europe update to share with the group!? 🙂

    #716961 Reply
    avatar
    MissDre

    The trip was good! We went to a gin bar that serves 71 different types of gin. You look at the menu and choose your gin, and the server tells you what it pairs well with. It was a really nice place! We also went out for a few really nice dinners, and I met more of his friends.

    Belfast was lots of fun! We went to the Titanic Museum, we went to a bunch of different bars in the Cathedral Quarter, we walked the University campus, we toured the City Hall.

    Things with BF are still good 🙂 Seeing each other again in November.

    #716963 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Good! Of course I’m nosy and going to ask if you guys managed to have any talks about the future, though. Soooo… didya!?

    #716964 Reply
    avatar
    MissDre

    Lol, yes we did a bit but nothing super serious. We pretty much agreed that next summer is far enough away that there’s no need to nail down the details just yet. Things are good between us right now and we’ll figure out the big stuff as it comes.

    #716965 Reply
    avatar
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Good. I’m really glad you were able to clarify that you did not actually mean you wanted a proposal in the new year and moving/marriage in the summer. If that was concerning or confusing him, he can relax. You brought it back to being on the same page of “let’s discuss things as they come and not be on a specific timeline.” That’s what I was hoping you’d do.

    That said, will you be fine if nothing comes up in terms of talking about next steps by the time the summer rolls around?

    #716966 Reply
    avatar
    MissDre

    @kate I am not sure! I guess I’ll have to wait and see how I feel at that time?

    I certainly don’t want to wait around indefinitely for him to make up his mind about what he wants, but I don’t really get the feeling he’d be like that. Sometimes I need to ask him things directly but he always responds in a very straight forward, honest way.

    I guess we’ll see where we’re at in the spring!

    #716967 Reply
    avatar
    Kate
    Keymaster

    That’s a healthy attitude for now, I think.

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