Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Anyone going on awesome dates?

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This topic contains 5,625 replies, has 76 voices, and was last updated by avatar TheHizzy 2 days, 4 hours ago.

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  • #716969 Reply
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    MissDre

    Yeah. I guess all I really know right now is that things feel good between us, and I can absolutely picture a future together. I just don’t know exactly how and I’m going to feel and when. So for now I’m totally fine with the status quo.

    I think evaluating things and checking in with each other in 6 months is a good plan.

    #716972 Reply
    Lianne
    Lianne

    Sounds like a nice visit! Personally, I don’t think I would know for sure I want to marry someone I’ve mostly dated long distance. If I saw a potential future, I’d make the move to close the distance, in whatever manner made most sense – him to me or vice versa – before making any major decisions about marriage. I think it’s healthier that way for testing the relationship in a true setting. So kudos to you for taking a step back!

    #716975 Reply
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    MissDre

    @lianne I completely understand why you would feel that way but for me personally, that’s not what I want. It isn’t for everybody, but as of now I believe it’s the right thing for me.

    #716977 Reply
    Lianne
    Lianne

    Oh, I guess I misinterpreted your update. I thought the plan was to move next summer, so I thought you changed your timeline, since initially you wanted to be engaged in spring and married in summer. Maybe I am misremembering 🙂

    #716978 Reply
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    MissDre

    Next summer still feels like a good time, it’s just that we’ve agreed there’s no need to adhere to that right and no need try to figure out all the little details. Whatever happens between now and then, we’ll roll with it.

    That doesn’t change the fact that I would want to be engaged before I move across the ocean to a different country. I completely understand that that wouldn’t work for everybody, but it’s important to me personally.

    #717019 Reply
    hfantods
    hfantods
    Participant

    Sounds like a great trip, @missdre, and that your relationship continues to move in the right direction.

    I found out that the guy I’ve been on a few dates with just got internet today (he recently moved). Which meant that he was streaming a movie off his data when I went to his place over the weekend (which he stopped when we went to do other things :)). If that isn’t modern romance, I don’t know what is, ha.

    #717057 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Sounds like a good trip, @missdre. And yeah, not being on a specific timeline when you haven’t been dating *that* long and most of it has been long distance is probably a good idea.

    As for me, I’ve had a bunch of existential dread set in over the past week or so. I feel like over the past few weeks I’ve heard the message “you’re too old to be desirable” a few too many times in different ways and it got in my head and under my skin and I’m feeling really down about it, even though I generally (and logically) do not believe it. So I’m glad I’m seeing my therapist tonight, haha.

    #717097 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    I had to let that go too, Copa, like around age 36. It left me like a weight off my shoulders and just went away. It’s bullshit and you need to reject it. You’re never too old to be desirable. Recognize that things you believe about yourself are a choice.

    #717098 Reply
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    MissDre

    Have any of you ever read the book “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” ?

    I had seen a lot of good reviews about it, so I decided to try it. I got about 25% of the way through it and found myself spiralling into fear and anxiety, because the first quarter of the book is all about how much harder it is to find someone as you get older (or something like that). I never finished the book.

    #717099 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Nope. I didn’t like the sound of it.

    I think “Why You’re Not Married…Yet” has some good insight.

    #717118 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    I thought that book sounded like complete bs, so never bothered with it.

    Copa, when I got my pixie cut about seven years ago, multiple people told me guys wouldn’t want to date me. These people were friends and relatives. A holes. And they were so wrong. I know that’s not the same as aging, but I agree with Kate. Most of my friends didn’t meet their boyfriends or husbands until early to mid 30s, me included. I know the fear is real, but hang in there!

    #717123 Reply
    TheLadyE
    TheLadyE

    @Copa, I totally get where you’re coming from but I would say any man who would think you’re ‘too old’ really isn’t worth your time. I’m in my mid-30s and I’ve been so much more confident and comfortable with myself in the past couple of years, and I think that’s partly the reason why I’ve dated so much. There has been some heartache but a lot of it has been very fun. In the past month I’ve had a 24-year-old and a 42-year-old ask me out, lol. (I said no to both – not dating right now, but it was interesting!)

    I also don’t buy it because I’ve seen so many people years or decades older than I am find partners and get married or re-married. One instance was a 44-year old mother of three who got re-married last year.

    As long as I can keep my Grace Adler-esque hair and relatively good skin, I think I’m ok for awhile. 🙂

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