This topic contains 21 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by TheHizzy 2 weeks ago.
- June 10, 2017 at 3:57 pm #690017
FYI, this might be kind of long. So… I’m coming up on almost a year of being single/out of a long-term relationship, and the last month or so, I’ve felt ready to start trying to seriously date again. I’ve been dabbling in online dating and Tinder/Bumble, and I’ve gone on a couple dates, but haven’t been very successful. I’m in a huge city, but out in the suburbs, and unfortunately, there aren’t very many single men my age out here and the city is 30 miles away. There’s that, but here’s my actual question(s): I went to the dentist a couple weeks ago, and I scheduled another appointment to get a filling done and another for a cleaning. My regular dentist is out of the office for two weeks, so when I went yesterday, I saw someone else. Turns out he’s young and pretty attractive and after some online sleuthing, it looks like he’s single (definitely not married). He was friendly and attentive, as most dentists are, but I got the vibe that he wouldn’t completely shut me down if I asked him out. Normally, I would never even think to pursue a dentist or doctor, but he’s not my actual dentist, so I don’t know if that makes it more “ok”…? I go back next week for a cleaning, and he might pop in again since my dentist won’t be back then. Is it even remotely ok to attempt to pursue that? If it was, how could I even discreetly slip him my number or ask him out since there’s always someone in the room? I’ve never asked a guy out before (not the most confident person in the world), and I have this urge to try with him, especially since I really haven’t met or clicked with anyone since I’ve moved back to this area. I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable though, so maybe I shouldn’t try at all. If it’s not ok, then any advice on meeting guys in the suburbs? Thanks!June 10, 2017 at 7:45 pm #690025
I wouldn’t. Like you said, he’s at work, the hygienist is in the room, it’s weird. If there’s any way to, like, email him, maaaybe? I don’t know, I go every 6 months and I’m picturing the setup and I just can’t see it.June 10, 2017 at 8:14 pm #690026
I don’t know where you are but I never had a problem finding dudes in the burbs. If you’re doing online dating you should be seeing a pretty decent selection. If not I would examine your criteria. Barring that it’s a great time of year to join a sports team–ultimate frisbee, softball, running are all great ways to meet men. If you’re not into sports maybe volunteering with habitat for humanity or some such.June 10, 2017 at 8:45 pm #690031
@kate, yeah that’s kind of what I was thinking. Probably not the best idea.
@juliecatharine, if I were 15 miles closer to the city, I think it’d be easier. I live out here cause of the proximity to my office/can go let my dog out at lunch, but I’m in a suburb/town of mostly $500K+ homes so mostly families here. I live in one of two apartment complexes full of mostly older couples, teachers and older, divorced men. I haven’t really budged on proximity with online dating because traffic is just awful, but I think that’s what I’m going to have to do. The last date I went on, it took me 40 mins to get there and 25 mins for him, kind of sucks. I’m making a lot of excuses here, I just hate driving in traffic haha. I’ll need to look into sports leagues though. I have a few friends in some and they look fun. Thanks!!June 10, 2017 at 9:32 pm #690036
What about through work? I don’t mean scoping out the office but are there any professional organizations you could check out?June 11, 2017 at 6:15 am #690049
Ok time for my usual ( unpaid) push for time to look for advice of Matthew Hussey & Evan Marc Katz for dating advice.
Oh Matthew Hussey has another funny video out too: https://youtu.be/LIrQbMXBHsMJune 11, 2017 at 8:25 am #690052
I agree about not asking him out. He’s still technically “your” dentist in that he works at the practice you go to and you will have been his patient for a couple of appointments.
I get not wanting to drive in traffic, but if it’s important to you to find someone, then you’re going to have to budge somewhere. I don’t know if traffic is that bad all the time where you live, but maybe you can be more mindful of where exactly you meet up and at what time of day, etc.June 11, 2017 at 9:33 am #690054
I would consider opening up your age ranges a little bit. Not an extra 20 years but maybe consider guys another five years older than what you are currently considering. I think that the single guys in the suburbs tend to skew a little older.June 11, 2017 at 12:20 pm #690057
I agree that it’d be weird to ask him out at work.
As far as the distance/time it takes to get to potential dates, I think that’s something you may just have to suck up and deal with. I used to have to drive about an hour to see my boyfriend when I lived in the burbs. It was annoying, but it was worth the drive to see him. Fast forward to now and I’m single in a large city. It takes me a minimum of about 20 minutes to get just about everywhere because I walk and rely on public transit. The last guy I went on multiple dates with lived maybe 3 miles away, but because of how the transit system works here (going north/south is more efficient than going east/west, and he was west of me), it took me 45 minutes to get to his place from mine and involved either two buses, or a bus to a train to another bus. And when I’d Lyft there, it was still about 20 minutes, because city traffic. And this was 3 miles, tops! Point being, you could live geographically closer to someone, but might still have to deal with the hassle of getting to them.June 11, 2017 at 12:35 pm #690059
FWIW I don’t see any problem with asking him out if you can work up the nerve to do so. As you said, he is not your regular dentist so you won’t be seeing him for treatment again. Plus while I know the same rules apply to doctors and dentists, I don’t think a dentist has the same sort of intimate relationship with his patients that a doctor does. I would hope that there are other potential dating pools to tap for women in the suburbs (how many attractive, available professional not barred for ethical reasons are you going to run into) but since this opportunity has presented itself why not explore it. The worst that will happen is that he will say either he’s not interested or he doesn’t feel it’s appropriate to date you.
if you do decide to ask him out I wouldn’t “slip him your number” or do anything coy or subtle but ask him straight up. You can maybe arrange it by asking to speak to him alone for a minute before or after your cleaning. Most dentists office have an office or a consultation room that the dentist can use, and the staff will just assume you want to ask a tooth related question.June 11, 2017 at 3:22 pm #690068
Do not do this but if you absolutely must, do not ask to speak to him privately and ask him out directly while he is at his job. Do it coyly by leaving him your number or some other indirect mechanism that shows you are interested. That gives him room to not do it rather than having to reject you directly at his place of work.June 11, 2017 at 3:37 pm #690069
Yeah, Fyodor, that’s the thing, if I ask out a dentist, theoretically the worst that can happen *for me* is he says no, but the real issue is putting him on the spot at work. Its not awful, but…