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Boyfriend and his female best friend

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by avatar Vathena 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #716865 Reply
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    Too nice

    My boyfriend of over two year is in constant contact with his female best friend. He communicates with her more than he does with me. I try to be understanding since this was brought up on our first date but I guess I am truly not. They have gone to Disneyland together with her daughter twice during our relationship without me. I have never even met her. He says that he loves her and her daughter but ‘not like that.’ He said he once thought she was going to be the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with but that he messed up. A mutual friend of our has even told me that he is not enough for her but that I should still not trust him with her. Whenever I bring her up, he gets upset. He says he needs her advice and that he can’t get it from me. I try to break up but he says that I should have an actual reason to and not this stuff. Can you help me?

    #716867 Reply
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    Janelle

    I have a lot of experience with this on both sides and I am just going to refrain from commenting on my opinion of it all. Let me just say, you do not need to convince someone that you want to break up with them. If you want to leave, leave. This is the situation he wants so if you do not like it, leave.

    #716870 Reply
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    Ron

    She’s his for-real gf, the one he’d dump you for in a second if she’ll have him.You are a convenient side-piece, while she is his real love/emotional commitment. In a real sense he and she go beyond an intense emotional affair. MOA.

    #716873 Reply
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    Ange

    Man there are so many times I see threads with titles like this and I get so ready to come in guns blazing about people of opposite genders being able to be friends and then I read the actual story…. ugh. I think it was handled badly from the get go and probably the only thing stopping him is her lack of interest so yeah, MOA.

    #716874 Reply
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    Vathena

    AND you’ve never even met her? MOA. This relationship has no future.

    #716924 Reply
    Crochet.Ninja
    Crochet.Ninja
    Participant

    if you want to break up, you break up. doesn’t matter what the reason is – he’s not stopping you, you’re just letting him talk you out of it. stand your ground. the whole thing sounds fishy.

    #716927 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    If you want to break up with him, break up with him. Wanting to end it is enough of an “actual” reason. Your instincts that this friendship is “off” seem correct.

    #716930 Reply
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    Fyodor

    Just break up. You don’t need a “reason” and he doesn’t get to set conditions for your breakup.

    #716933 Reply
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    Vathena

    The only reason you need is “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

    #716934 Reply

    Yeah, he’s in love with her. The reason that they aren’t together is that ‘he messed up’, so the trips to Disneyland and being at her disposal are his way of fixing whatever he did that constituted as ‘messing up’. You haven’t met her because he doesn’t want to further mess up his chances with her, if she decides to take him back.

    Even if they aren’t sleeping together they are deeply involved in an emotional affair, you’re just his fall back plan (probably to relieve the sexual tension that is built up from being with her). Don’t do that to yourself!

    And you don’t ever need a ‘reason’ to break up with someone. If you’re unhappy, that’s more than enough reason to break up.

    #716936 Reply
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    Vathena

    I also wonder whether the daughter is HIS daughter.

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