This topic contains 10 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by Vathena 2 months, 1 week ago.
September 12, 2017 at 4:57 pm #716865
My boyfriend of over two year is in constant contact with his female best friend. He communicates with her more than he does with me. I try to be understanding since this was brought up on our first date but I guess I am truly not. They have gone to Disneyland together with her daughter twice during our relationship without me. I have never even met her. He says that he loves her and her daughter but ‘not like that.’ He said he once thought she was going to be the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with but that he messed up. A mutual friend of our has even told me that he is not enough for her but that I should still not trust him with her. Whenever I bring her up, he gets upset. He says he needs her advice and that he can’t get it from me. I try to break up but he says that I should have an actual reason to and not this stuff. Can you help me?September 12, 2017 at 6:06 pm #716867
I have a lot of experience with this on both sides and I am just going to refrain from commenting on my opinion of it all. Let me just say, you do not need to convince someone that you want to break up with them. If you want to leave, leave. This is the situation he wants so if you do not like it, leave.September 12, 2017 at 6:42 pm #716870
She’s his for-real gf, the one he’d dump you for in a second if she’ll have him.You are a convenient side-piece, while she is his real love/emotional commitment. In a real sense he and she go beyond an intense emotional affair. MOA.September 12, 2017 at 7:15 pm #716873
Man there are so many times I see threads with titles like this and I get so ready to come in guns blazing about people of opposite genders being able to be friends and then I read the actual story…. ugh. I think it was handled badly from the get go and probably the only thing stopping him is her lack of interest so yeah, MOA.September 12, 2017 at 7:17 pm #716874
AND you’ve never even met her? MOA. This relationship has no future.September 13, 2017 at 9:22 am #716924
if you want to break up, you break up. doesn’t matter what the reason is – he’s not stopping you, you’re just letting him talk you out of it. stand your ground. the whole thing sounds fishy.September 13, 2017 at 9:31 am #716927
If you want to break up with him, break up with him. Wanting to end it is enough of an “actual” reason. Your instincts that this friendship is “off” seem correct.September 13, 2017 at 9:38 am #716930
Just break up. You don’t need a “reason” and he doesn’t get to set conditions for your breakup.September 13, 2017 at 9:41 am #716933
The only reason you need is “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”September 13, 2017 at 9:45 am #716934
Yeah, he’s in love with her. The reason that they aren’t together is that ‘he messed up’, so the trips to Disneyland and being at her disposal are his way of fixing whatever he did that constituted as ‘messing up’. You haven’t met her because he doesn’t want to further mess up his chances with her, if she decides to take him back.
Even if they aren’t sleeping together they are deeply involved in an emotional affair, you’re just his fall back plan (probably to relieve the sexual tension that is built up from being with her). Don’t do that to yourself!
And you don’t ever need a ‘reason’ to break up with someone. If you’re unhappy, that’s more than enough reason to break up.September 13, 2017 at 9:50 am #716936
I also wonder whether the daughter is HIS daughter.