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Dear Wendy

Boyfriend and prostitutes

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This topic contains 61 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar hazel 4 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #682909 Reply
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    Rosie cheeks

    so me and my partner have been together for a little over 9 months now! I always thought in everything he told me he had always been honest! I found out last night that that wasn’t the case! Having sex was a really big deal to me as I had only ever had sex once before meeting him! It was something I saw as important and special! Maybe I was wrong! We went out with some of his family members and they hinted at the idea that he had slept with a prostitute when in the Philippines in may 2015! After what he called “making love” last night on the drive home he told me that the story was true! It kind of bothered me and made me feel gross! I felt so disgusting that I had let him fuck me! But that wasn’t the worst part, previously I had asked him the last time he had sex with someone before meeting me and he told me 2 1/2 years ago even tho it was only a year, he also told me he had never slept with a prostitute and that the last girls he slept with was from his friends party (this friend lives in Aus)! It fucked with my head so bad! I went home and vomited straight away and showered like 8 times because I felt gross and dirty! I don’t know what to feel! Also he is going to the Philippines for a month in two weeks, everyone was telling me I shouldn’t have let him go by himself because of the things he will get up to and I thought they just meant excessive drinking but now I’m not sure that’s what they meant! Someone please help me! I need advise

    #682910 Reply
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    TheHizzy

    😏

    For realz? You should probably break up. You can’t handle his baggage.

    #682912 Reply

    Wow, there’s a pretty good chance your boyfriend participated in sexual slavery and trafficking.

    Why is he still your boyfriend? You can do better than this. Really.

    #682915 Reply
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    Rosie Cheeks

    Is lying baggage? Or just plain wrong

    #682948 Reply
    rosie posie
    rosie posie
    Participant

    1. Break up.

    2. Get yourself tested.

    3. Ask potential partners how recently they have been tested and what the results were.
    3b. Ask if they have had additional partners since being tested.

    4. Don’t ask specifics about a partner’s sexual history if you don’t want to know the potentially gory details (everyone has a past, even you). This includes not asking how many partners they had.

    #682949 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yeah, he lied to you, which wrecked your trust and put your sexual health at risk. He engaged in behavior that you find disgusting, and I’m not sure how you can trust that he won’t do it again on his upcoming trip. I would dump him for lying, being disgusting, and not being a partner you can trust.

    #682950 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    And yes, when you’re planning to have sex with a new partner, you should ask them about their history (not necessarily specifics, but recency and any high-risk behavior, and you should literally go get tested together. It’s so easy to do at a clinic or planned parenthood. And you should use condoms as well as a backup method of birth control.

    #682953 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    He knew you wouldn’t be ok with him sleeping with prostitutes, so he lied to you. I know that we often say his past is none of your business, but I do think that if sexual past is important to you, you should ask about it. It can be a window into the type of person they are, and their attitudes about the opposite sex. For example, anyone who’s ok with sleeping with a prostitute is essentially saying “getting laid is more important than making sure I don’t support sex trafficking”. Because a) you have no idea if the person you’re having sex with is there by their own choice, and b) even if they are, you’re providing demand to that industry, which is keeping up supply through slavery.

    Not to mention the possible diseases that he’s exposed you to through this. Dump him and get yourself tested.

    #682959 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    Move on.

    #682964 Reply
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    Janelle

    I also would not be comfortable with a man I was with having slept with a prostitute but at the end of the day I realize it could happen. What is weird to me is that you feel the need to know every single woman he slept with before you. That is a bit much. It is not your business. Your business is that his test results and that is it. He should never have mentioned the prostitute at all. That was just flat out dumb of him.

    You should move on because you feel bad but vomiting and showering 8 times. Girl get a grip. He lied because he knew you were over dramatic. There is no need or benefit to asking a partner their “number” and they will ALWAYS lie. Heck I don’t think I or anyone i know has EVER answered that question honestly. There is zero benefit from knowing this information.

    #682970 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Eh, enough Pearl Clutching — so long as he WAS recently tested, BEFORE they had sex and given a clean bill of health, he DIDN’T put her at sexual risk.
    .
    Drama drama drama, LW.

    #682971 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    And a good many of you posters here, too. Drama drama drama. You’re all rather exhausting.

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