Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Boyfriend calling actresses hot

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This topic contains 25 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar SpaceySteph 3 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #676825 Reply

    I guess I will start by saying I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 2 months, well we started dating in December 21, 2016 now is March 9, 2017. so over 2 months. I been feeling really insecure lately. First of all I have to say I’ve bee hurt a lot in the past so I have trust issues sometimes. I’ve been feeling really insecure and needy lately. It has been making me feel anxious. Well my question to yall was my boyfriend has made comments about actresses on tv that they are hot, or gorgeous or something, it was bothering me before but I would let it go , but it would made my feel insecure. This past weekend my boyfriend and I put on a movie and there was commercial and he all of a sudden said about an actress “damn she’s fine” “why would they tease men like that on tv” I got quiet and he asked me what is wrong and he stated is because of what I said. I told him “why would you say that to your girlfriend” and his response was “well I though you were comfortable enough and we were comfortable enough to know the fact that they actresses or people on tv are another level and you know that I wouldn’t be with them” and I told him wouldn’t it bother you if I said someone on tv was hot? His response was ” no it wouldn’t bother me, he said that it use to bother him things like that before but not anymore” that he is more open minded about it. I told him when he tells me or comment things like this it makes me feel like I am not good enough or Im not hot enough for him, he said he always calls me beautiful and gorgeous. I also told him when you make comments like this it makes me feel like you would get hot girl’s phone #. He said that he will not make comment like that anymore, or at least do it with his friends, then he said he wont do it, I could tell he got tongue tied because he did not know what to say. He also then said why would I cheat on, he was like why would I be with you if I planned on cheating on you. he said that is why I don’t get cheaters. I just been feeling really down about, it and I’ve been insecure and anxious in my relationship. I know guys are visual creature’s and there is beautiful people in this world. I just want to open up and love my boyfriend and have confidence in his feelings for me. We have not said “I love you” to each other yet but he did say a few weeks ago that he has not felt like this in a long time and thinks he’s falling in love so we both already mentioned to each other we are falling in love. He did also write me a poem about his feelings about us, so I don’t understand why I feel so insecure and scared and scared to let myself be happy. I don’t want him to feel like he cant tell me anything more since I mentioned the actress thing. I just want some advice! btw I am 25 years old!

    • This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by avatar Stranger412.
    #676826 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy

    You should let people know that you’re 25.

    #676829 Reply

    Hah. Hilarious, Wendy. Yeah. As my guess right up til the very end was, oh… maybe 15!!

    #676834 Reply

    I think that if you have trouble understanding how your boyfriend can find an actress (part of whose job is to be attractive and has all the staff and money needed to do so) attractive and at the same time also find you attractive, then that’s a personal issue that you need to deal with separate from him. Surely you find actors attractive, right? Does it mean you’re going to cheat on your boyfriend?

    #676835 Reply

    Your bf will still think the actresses are hot, because they are hot, but he won’t say anything. Satisfied? You need to work on your insecurities. You were hurt before isn’t justification for making current bf pay for pain caused by past bfs. You’ve convinced yourself that your bf is only interested in you because of your hotness, because? Are you that down on yourself that you think you couldn’t have any other positive attributes which might attract a guy apart from your youthful hotness? If you don’t want the pain of being dumped again then you have to be less jealous, and that is what it is, of your bf looking at an actress on TV and thinking she’s hot. That would be self-caused pain, hurting yourself, because you lack the self confidence to keep your anxieties in check. If your only ‘warning sign’ that your bf is less than fully committed to you is that he watches actresses on TV and thinks their hot, then you are totally creating a problem where none exists. Perhaps this is how you came to be hurt by past bfs. Perhaps you literally drove them away with this sort of crap. Nobody’s bf thinks they are actually the hottest woman in the world. That doesn’t mean they want to be with that hot TV actress. Or perhaps they do, but it’s a total impossibility and they know it. Save your anxieties for real problems.

    #676841 Reply

    Yes I think actors are hot, and no I would not cheat on him just because I thin an actors is hot. I know its a not a big deal but I don’t know why it bothers me so much. I know it is because my insecurity issues and trust issues. I guess I did not realize on how insecure I can still be. Thanks for the advice dinoceros! I guess is just an issue I should not really stress about.

    #676843 Reply

    Ron, thank you for your insight, well I didn’t want it to be that way but I guess what bother me the most is that he did not think about that it might hurt my feelings but at the same time I want him to be open with me. I know my jealousy only magnified because I have been feeling insecure. I believe I am gorgeous, I have a good career, I believe I am worth it. I will need to be less jealous and a little more open minded and mature about this. I feel like ever since the incident, I feel like I pushed him away but at the same that could just be my insecurity and trust issues. I don’t want to push him away even more, and just want to show him that I want to open up to him and love him. thanks you for insight Ron, I really wanted men’s opinions.

    #676848 Reply

    “I know its a not a big deal but I don’t know why it bothers me so much. I know it is because my insecurity issues and trust issues.”

    You literally answered why it bothers you so much. You are insecure.

    Work on your insecurity.

    #676849 Reply

    Yes I definitely know that is my insecurity. I will try my best to work on it. Thanks you The Rascal.

    #676854 Reply

    And if you find yourself getting upset every time an attractive woman crosses his line of vision, do him a favor and just break up. No one likes to be hounded about sometimes thinking other people are nice to look at. When you are pathologically insecure, being jealous of a movie star can quickly escalate into being jealous of his barista, his friends, his coworkers. Do you want to be a demanding, controlling girlfriend who is never satisfied with his reassurances of how hot you are? If you can’t be in a relationship without constantly needing validation from your partner, then break up and seek therapy. Get right with yourself. You’ve only been seeing this guy for 2 months and already you’re needing him to act a certain way so you feel better. Let’s pretend that you guys get married. In 60 years, after walking the long path of life and growing old and gray together, is it going to matter that he once said that an actress was hot?

    Here are the choices:
    1) He’s douchey and immature. You will know soon enough if this is the case. If so: Break up.
    2) You are so insecure that you will never be happy in this relationship. There will always be something that makes you doubt him. If so: Break up.
    3) Realize that you’re allowed to be in a committed relationship while also thinking other people are attractive. Continue getting to know each other.

    #676855 Reply

    Also, talk to your boyfriend about things that bother you. Here you explained to him that it hurt your feelings, he felt bad and agreed to stop! Consider this a successful template for other issues.

    #676860 Reply

    Thank you Fyodor! I did talk to him about it and stated that he wont do it anymore. As long as he respects that it wont bother me anymore.

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