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Dear Wendy

Boyfriend calling actresses hot

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This topic contains 25 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar SpaceySteph 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 26 total)
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  • #676861 Reply
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    Janelle

    Grow up!

    #676862 Reply

    Vathena thanks for your input, I will definitely be going with option 3. And no I do not want to be a jealous, controlling girlfriend, I really don’t and this is why I decided to sing up and do this forum post to have different points of views in this matter. thanks!

    #676863 Reply
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    Vathena

    Best of luck! If he’s a trustworthy guy, you’ll know it. If you don’t feel right with him – whether it’s you or him – you’ll know it’s time to move on.

    #676864 Reply

    I believe he is a good person and guy, so I will just have to try my best not to let my insecurity and anxiety get the best of me. thank you!

    #676929 Reply
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    Anne Shirley

    Just tell him you are insecure and don’t like hearing about other women he finds hot. Tell him you agree it is stupid but, oh well, you have a stupid request.

    If he is a good fit for you he will roll his eyes and do it.

    #676947 Reply
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    Demitasse
    Member

    Don’t we all find actors/actresses hot, allowing for variations and tastes? What bothers <i>me</i> about the bf’s conduct is his comment about “teasing men on TV.” That sounds to me uncomfortably like an argument that men cannot control their libidinous impulses, and the mere existence of hot women is an invitation, which… is problematic, to say the least.

    The letter-writer’s rather desperate insecurity (combined, bizarrely, with platitudes of self-affirmation) is also, of course, a concern. It seems to me that the LW has herself in knots, not only over this man. Believing one’s s.o. is a good person does not romantic compatibility make!

    #676951 Reply
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    Jessica Emelia, LCPC

    While it’s good to work on your own insecurities, your boyfriend actually does sound as though he were being a bit insensitive/immature by making these comments in your presence. It’s normal for all of us to find others attractive, but the important thing in a relationship is respect and sensitivity to the other person. The way he phrased his comments eg “why do they tease men” and “they are on another level” indicate at the very least a lack of tactfulness on his part, and I don’t think your reaction to these comments should be invalidated – you have a right to your feelings – it’s how you and he handle them that matter.

    It’s good you talked to him about these comments bothering you, and it’s also good that he listened, and has agreed to stop them. Give him a chance to do just that, and see how things feel from there.

    #677702 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Yeah, so I think this is a non-issue and your self esteem must be SUPER low to be bothered by this type of comment, if I’m being honest. Everyone has celebrity crushes, and I’ve had discussions about celebrity crushes with a lot of men I’ve dated. (The one caveat I see here is if your boyfriend makes these comments incessantly, in which case he sounds annoying.)

    An ex of mine once got super upset because I mentioned once that I found an actor on TV attractive. I thought it was absurd then, I think it’s absurd now. He was one of the most insecure people I’ve ever met in my life, and his insecurities contributed significantly to our demise. So, I’d encourage you to get yours in check!

    #677703 Reply
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    Janelle

    Heck my bf (now ex not used to calling him that ha) is fully aware that when Patrick Dempsey calls me I am out. Sorry, love ya but BYE. hahahah

    #677997 Reply
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    K

    Haha Janelle, exactly. We all have our “lists”. Paul Rudd is my fave and he lives in my county, so on the one in a billion chance that he’d be single and down to hook up…my boyfriend would be ok with it. Haha

    #678048 Reply
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    Ashley

    If he continues doing it after you’ve stated you dislike it, a bland “yes she is” or “I agree” is all you need to say. If your boyfriend is doing this to bug you, he’ll stop when he stops getting the response he wants. He’s obviously perceptive enough to realize when your upset, and I dunno, I get why people are saying to work on your own self esteem, but I have a hunch he does this to get under your skin.

    #679590 Reply
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    sarah

    It’s true that even though we are in a relationship we still notice other people are attractive but a relationship is based on a lot more than physical attraction. I don’t know why he feels the need to make such comments in front of you but the fact he said he has stopped is good. My boyfriend will make such comments but I don’t really take much notice but one time I did it back he was genuinely upset and kept on about it. Which shows me he is the insecure one. I would just let it go and accept he is with you and loves you and regardless of him noticing someone is good looking he is likely not going to ever cheat on you.

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