This topic contains 25 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by SpaceySteph 3 months ago.
- March 10, 2017 at 1:04 pm #676861
Grow up!March 10, 2017 at 1:05 pm #676862
Vathena thanks for your input, I will definitely be going with option 3. And no I do not want to be a jealous, controlling girlfriend, I really don’t and this is why I decided to sing up and do this forum post to have different points of views in this matter. thanks!March 10, 2017 at 1:10 pm #676863
Best of luck! If he’s a trustworthy guy, you’ll know it. If you don’t feel right with him – whether it’s you or him – you’ll know it’s time to move on.March 10, 2017 at 1:12 pm #676864
I believe he is a good person and guy, so I will just have to try my best not to let my insecurity and anxiety get the best of me. thank you!March 10, 2017 at 7:33 pm #676929
Just tell him you are insecure and don’t like hearing about other women he finds hot. Tell him you agree it is stupid but, oh well, you have a stupid request.
If he is a good fit for you he will roll his eyes and do it.March 10, 2017 at 9:40 pm #676947
Don’t we all find actors/actresses hot, allowing for variations and tastes? What bothers <i>me</i> about the bf’s conduct is his comment about “teasing men on TV.” That sounds to me uncomfortably like an argument that men cannot control their libidinous impulses, and the mere existence of hot women is an invitation, which… is problematic, to say the least.
The letter-writer’s rather desperate insecurity (combined, bizarrely, with platitudes of self-affirmation) is also, of course, a concern. It seems to me that the LW has herself in knots, not only over this man. Believing one’s s.o. is a good person does not romantic compatibility make!March 10, 2017 at 10:07 pm #676951
Jessica Emelia, LCPC
While it’s good to work on your own insecurities, your boyfriend actually does sound as though he were being a bit insensitive/immature by making these comments in your presence. It’s normal for all of us to find others attractive, but the important thing in a relationship is respect and sensitivity to the other person. The way he phrased his comments eg “why do they tease men” and “they are on another level” indicate at the very least a lack of tactfulness on his part, and I don’t think your reaction to these comments should be invalidated – you have a right to your feelings – it’s how you and he handle them that matter.
It’s good you talked to him about these comments bothering you, and it’s also good that he listened, and has agreed to stop them. Give him a chance to do just that, and see how things feel from there.March 13, 2017 at 2:19 pm #677702
Yeah, so I think this is a non-issue and your self esteem must be SUPER low to be bothered by this type of comment, if I’m being honest. Everyone has celebrity crushes, and I’ve had discussions about celebrity crushes with a lot of men I’ve dated. (The one caveat I see here is if your boyfriend makes these comments incessantly, in which case he sounds annoying.)
An ex of mine once got super upset because I mentioned once that I found an actor on TV attractive. I thought it was absurd then, I think it’s absurd now. He was one of the most insecure people I’ve ever met in my life, and his insecurities contributed significantly to our demise. So, I’d encourage you to get yours in check!March 13, 2017 at 2:26 pm #677703
Heck my bf (now ex not used to calling him that ha) is fully aware that when Patrick Dempsey calls me I am out. Sorry, love ya but BYE. hahahahMarch 15, 2017 at 11:56 am #677997
Haha Janelle, exactly. We all have our “lists”. Paul Rudd is my fave and he lives in my county, so on the one in a billion chance that he’d be single and down to hook up…my boyfriend would be ok with it. HahaMarch 15, 2017 at 7:28 pm #678048
If he continues doing it after you’ve stated you dislike it, a bland “yes she is” or “I agree” is all you need to say. If your boyfriend is doing this to bug you, he’ll stop when he stops getting the response he wants. He’s obviously perceptive enough to realize when your upset, and I dunno, I get why people are saying to work on your own self esteem, but I have a hunch he does this to get under your skin.March 27, 2017 at 6:03 am #679590
It’s true that even though we are in a relationship we still notice other people are attractive but a relationship is based on a lot more than physical attraction. I don’t know why he feels the need to make such comments in front of you but the fact he said he has stopped is good. My boyfriend will make such comments but I don’t really take much notice but one time I did it back he was genuinely upset and kept on about it. Which shows me he is the insecure one. I would just let it go and accept he is with you and loves you and regardless of him noticing someone is good looking he is likely not going to ever cheat on you.