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Cheating partner/dating website questions

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This topic contains 65 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by Copa Copa 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 66 total)
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  • #724659 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    It’s not.

    #724675 Reply

    Yeah, I stopped reading this nonsensical diatribe when she stated that he ‘made out’ with someone while they were casually dating, and she wasn’t even that interested in him.

    I agree with everything that everyone else has stated. You are being overly dramatic in a way that doesn’t make sense nor is warranted.

    Also, when you are casually dating someone what he does with other women isn’t really your concern. He didn’t owe you monogamy & commitment from the first date so please get over yourself.

    #724712 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Guuuurl.

    (1) WEES. Your ex didn’t cheat on you if he made out with someone else while you were casually dating. I do think you should cut and run, but for his sake, not yours.

    (2) If you reach out, don’t reach out to hash things out. This read like you’re looking for a reason to end things, so just end it already.

    (3) Yes, PayPal will show that the money is going toward Match.com. At 25, your mom shouldn’t have this much control over your finances or decision-making. Use a free site or app. And, if you truly believe that online dating is primarily for people who are looking to cheat on their partners, why are you pursuing it as an option?

    #724728 Reply
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    Ron

    She may be 25, but she seems to have the social maturity of a teenager. This is why her mother has so much control over her and she accepts it, why her letter has the tone it does, and why she thinks someone whom she is casually dating without a commitment to her or much interest on her part is so out of line to kiss another. She writes as one almost totally lacking in dating/relationships. I don’t think that she needs to ‘get over herself’. She strikes me as sheltered and inexperienced, rather than arrogant. Perhaps her mother has put her in this state, or perhaps her mother simply recognizes her situation and acts accordingly, or a combination of the two. Forget ex, this relationship is done, and work on self before starting a new relationship. At 25, if you aren’t mature and independent enough to manage your own finances and life, then you aren’t mature enough for a relationship.

    #724828 Reply
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    Leslie Joan

    Great post, Ron, but I have a minor quibble: it’s possible to be sheltered and inexperienced AND arrogant. She can have some over the top expectations, or may be expressing her mother’s expectations from a previous generation’s way of doing things. Either way, she is as rigid as a slab of concrete.

    I find it curious that she’s looked for input from her family members – and shared the poor guy’s actions with them – but hasn’t told us what they said. Unless THEY were the ones that advised this horrendous overreaction and are feeding the drama?

    #724831 Reply
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    Kate

    Yup, arrogance and grandiosity are present, and so are inexperience and immaturity.

    #724832 Reply
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    Anny21

    Hold on, are you really this torn up about this your boyfriend who you were casually seeing for two months that made out with someone at the bar- when you were *admittedly* “not very interested in him”? Firstly, two months of casual dating (because that is what you called it) and you weren’t even very interested in him didn’t make him your boyfriend, casual dating does not equal boyfriend and therefore doesn’t give you rights over him at that point. Secondly, why is this so hurtful to you if you guys were not even together, committed, and you weren’t even interested- and why do you consider that he lied for the last year because he didn’t tell you? Why would you tell you that? He was free to do whatever he wanted at that point, and frankly that should have no impact on how you view him and your relationship in the present moment. He did nothing wrong. You could have gone and met someone new during that first two months as well. Your boyfriend didn’t do anything wrong here, and I feel sort of bad for him that he is being punished for something he did that really wasn’t all that bad. I would recommend trying to find out just why this is bothering you so much?

    #724847 Reply
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    Fyodor

    He didn’t “cheat” on you. You weren’t exclusive, he didn’t think you were interested. He had no obligation to tell you and indeed, many people would not to volunteer this to their partners.

    #724920 Reply
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    Northern Star

    Whoa. I’m usually the one on this site who sympathizes with (unreasonable) jealousy the most, and you have COMPLETELY lost me.

    Basically, you don’t love your boyfriend. I was waiting for you to claim that he was lying, and he was probably cheating on you right now. Or that you can’t cope with the jealousy.

    But you cold-bloodedly decide you’re going to make a Match.com profile to explore your options?

    Lordy.

    You don’t love your boyfriend. I think you should definitely break up. Because this guy would always be one small move away from a divorce if he was foolish enough to marry you.

    #724925 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    Joining the dating website either means that she was already emotionally finished with the relationship before it ended or she is hoping to hurt the guy and make him jealous by replacing him quickly and easily or she is terrified of being alone. Maybe all three.

    #724931 Reply
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    Dalben
    Member

    I think the question of whether to try get back with him is moot, since if he isn’t a complete push over the freaking out, inability to discuss things, and cutting off communication for two weeks already ended the relationship and it can’t be repaired.

    I suppose, if the guy is a complete pushover and is begging for you to come back when you start talking to him again, and if that’s what you’re looking for in a man you could give it a try. Although, I don’t think that a relationship based on that kind of dynamic has a high chance of success.

    #724932 Reply
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    Vathena

    If you are 25, at the top of your grad program with a great job offer, living independently, and considering marriage, then you should be in charge of your own fucking finances. In the age of online banking, mobile deposits, and automatic bill pay, there is no excuse for not doing it your damn self. No woman should ever not know how to manage her money. And yes, the vendor will show up if you use PayPal, which you would know if you were a functioning adult.

    Relationship: you massively overreacted. Your boyfriend dodged a bullet.

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