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Confused on Ex GF mixed signals. Possible reconciliation

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This topic contains 89 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar Leslie Joan 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #716628 Reply
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    Chance

    Was with my ex gf (both 21) for 3 years. The last half year I got into a terrible rut in the relationship and became very lazy and complacent. I really thought she would never leave me. I hurt her by not trying in the relationship like I should have and took her for granted. I begged and pleaded after the breakup, but went no contact pretty quickly.

    1 month after no contact she texted me to ask if there were any ill feelings and to wish me well with my senior year of college. I relieved her guilt telling her I have no ill feelings.

    2 weeks more of no contact and she text me, and attempts to call to tell me she honestly misses me a whole lot and that she does not feel like she made the right choice. She says there are things she messed up on too and that she should have communicated our problems better. She said she wants to talk about us and not dive into anything and I asked for time and haven’t texted her yet. (4 days)

    Meanwhile…… I’m conflicted because on her twitter she has not stopped retweeting things about terrible boyfriends, ones that take girls for granted. “Got to learn to stop being so nice that SO walk all over you” and she posted after our convo that she “didn’t realize life was so great until now”. Seeing all this stuff makes me not want to talk to her as I only want to reconcile if we can leave the past in the past and work on rebuilding a new relationship.

    Does her social media display what she really feels about me? That I was some huge mistake and she could possibly not actually want to work this out. I don’t know if I want to build a new relationship or not due to seeing these things

    #716629 Reply
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    Kate

    Omg why?

    You know you can use your other two posts to add updates.

    Anyway. The reason she’s doing this social media stuff is because she’s hurt that you haven’t texted her back. She’s passive-aggressively lashing out at you.

    Like I said before, she DOES have self-esteem issues, and this is a manifestation of that. She’s mad at herself for letting you treat her like crap for so long and then continuing to let you do it after the breakup.

    You really aren’t seeing this?

    #716631 Reply
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    Chance

    hey Kate! What are you confused on. Id love to explain anything in detail if I can get opinions. I dont have many people to talk with about my issue.

    #716632 Reply
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    Chance

    So I should reach out to her and keep things light?! She is posting these things because i have resorted to still acting like i am okay?

    #716633 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    I’m honestly not confused about any of this.

    The “why” was referring to why THREE posts about this same situation.

    #716634 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Do what you want to do, Chance.

    #716635 Reply
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    Chance

    i want to text her. how can i start… “hey, …. what then

    #716636 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    What do you want to say?

    Here’s the thing. I’m not confused about anything she’s doing. But I have no idea, after 3 posts, what your agenda even is. Since you don’t seem to know, just be like, hey, I hope you’re doing well. I miss you, and have been thinking about you / us.

    And then… I don’t know what. You could ask if she’s upset with you because you’re seeing some pass-agg tweets coming from her direction.

    You could ask if she’d like to get together to talk about what went wrong.

    You could say you hope there may be a chance in the future but right now you need to be on your own and do some reflecting and maturing.

    I don’t know. What do you want???

    #716637 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    Say whatever you’d like to say to her. Only you know what that is. The first post, you sounded like you wanted to get back together. The next post, you were avoiding her. Now, you are still avoiding her, but seem concerned that getting together isn’t the right thing. Whatever you’ve decided on at this point, say that.

    #716638 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Maybe say you’ve been taking time to think, but it’s difficult to concentrate what with all the flames she’s throwing at you on the internet.

    #716639 Reply
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    Chance

    thats exactly it kate. I have messaged her, asking if it was a good time to talk. she is out at dinner and told me that I could call her in an hour. I dont know if i can play it cool. I dont know what to say or to keep conversation moving.

    #716640 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    If you don’t know what to say, why did you ask to talk to her?

    No offense, but you two don’t seem to be able to communicate. I don’t see how you’d be able to make a relationship work without the ability to even talk. These kinds of conversations after you’ve broken up are actually usually some of the easiest to have.

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