This topic contains 65 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by Leslie Joan 5 days, 16 hours ago.
- September 13, 2017 at 5:25 pm #717004
Generally the best predictor of divorce is whether you stayed together continuously or broke up and got back together before getting married.September 13, 2017 at 6:04 pm #717009
Think this a useful guide to what you’re going through: http://rolereboot.org/sex-and-relationships/details/2017-09-dear-dana-break-someone-move/September 13, 2017 at 6:09 pm #717011
The more you write, the more I believe certain things are true:
1. Your ex is really into social media drama and more than a little demanding/controlling/non-forgiving
2. You made some errors in how you treated her and were a tad selfish, but now you are really into self-flagellation
3. Your relationship with this woman is and should be over. It’s not healthy. You have thought about things and know how to behave better next time, but is really shouldn’t be her, in part because she seems a little impervious to behaving better and dialing back the drama. The blame for your breakup does not all rest on your shoulders.
4. It’s a lot easier to start a new relationship with someone else than you think it is. You have experience now, so you won’t be fumbling along through every encounter. I’m old enough to know that my two early loves, never to be possibly equaled or even replaced by someone who half filled the empty hole, were more than replaced by my wife of over 40 years. I know that 21-year-old me was naïve, over-dramatic, and under experienced. Trust me, odds are high that it will get better and that you’ll find another woman who is a far better match for you. Pining over the one who got away, trying to get her back, flogging yourself over errors you made, it just extra pain, time wasted, and ultimately degenerates into self-indulgent mind games you play with yourself,
5. I think your ex is really enjoying your pain, the new power she has over you, and her chance to posture on social media — DRAMA!September 13, 2017 at 8:47 pm #717018
I’m am so glad I found this site. You guys are awesome and I have turned her to posts often times because it’s hard to relay feelings to the people close to you in real life because they have to keep hearing it. I assume you guys love to help people because you continue to be here for me.
I’m struggling between wanting to KNOW this relationship was not beneficial for me or her, BUT I am hurting so much more than I ever thought I could. We had a huge heart to heart Sunday, which is in the comments. It’s weird because she says she has never fell out of love with me. She is hurt and felt we could have fixed it without a breakup. That’s where I think we can work on these things! We didn’t originally try! At least I see now that we COULD do it.
So without seeing the recent posts hear the latter half of the day, I have reached out through texts and we actually had conversation about her work and any new hobbies she has picked up. She is a little reserved and the last text I sent, I tried to tease her by saying how she let a friend out drink her at a bar she said she went to. She has not replied in 50 min and I don’t know what to make of any of this. I’m sorry guys. Please don’t think I’m not listening. It’s like an addiction. But couldn’t this be progress? I opened communication although she didn’t seem to want to respond to the last text. Oh well, it hurts but I let her know I’m here and can be talked to.September 13, 2017 at 9:51 pm #717020
No, it’s not progress – progress would be both of you taking some time for individual soul searching and growth. But you seem hell bent on getting back together with her so while we can lead a horse to water we can’t make you drink it. My bet it you’ll get back together, everything will be great and wonderful for a month or two and then you’ll both revert back to your old habits. I don’t believe you are in love with HER as much as you are in love with the IDEA of her. So we’ll see you back on here in 2018 after the next break up.September 13, 2017 at 10:32 pm #717022
Yeah, you didn’t read the link that Heatherly posted, didja?
You don’t have enough experience in relationships to realize to stay away from someone who likes drama. And that’s okay. You’ll be back here when you get tired of being made into the bad guy, when you realize that she likes having you be the dirtbag and nurturing her outrage, and you get tired of someone being so immature that they have to shout it to social media instead of actually dealing with you as an equal, with rights of your own. Because this is your first love, you haven’t learned yet that love alone isn’t enough. But it’s like quitting smoking: it usually takes several attempts. She will come to hate you soon enough.