- April 20, 2017 at 11:13 am #682825
What amazes me about the letter is the lingering sense from the LE that she really didn’t say anything THAT wrong…April 20, 2017 at 11:17 am #682827
Seriously, I can’t believe it took her several hours to realize she said something wrong. And the incident happened a couple of weeks ago! How has she not yet apologized??April 20, 2017 at 11:35 am #682834
Wow just wow. Also how is a teenager dating anything bad? I just am sharing that shocked thought. I know people are raised differently but thinking dating equals whore is just mind blowing. He should have fired her on the spot.April 20, 2017 at 12:23 pm #682842
Not to defend the LW too much — I do think she was way out of line, and feel sad that she was likely raised to think the way she does — but none of this would’ve happened if her boss had kept HIS creeper mouth shut. Like, what kind of response was he hoping for? (Still icked out by him over here!)April 20, 2017 at 12:36 pm #682846
I kind of agree… the boss is the one who kept inappropriately talking about his daughter until the LW snapped. But then again, I feel like if she has such poor self-control, she would have shown it in some other way and gotten herself in trouble. He still shouldn’t have ever said that stuff at work, but she’s gotta learn how to keep it together. She should have written to AMA like a month ago asking how to get her boss to shut up about his daughter’s looks and sexuality.April 20, 2017 at 12:50 pm #682847
They were both in the wrong. But the boss’ behaviour is unfortunately fairly common and is somewhat more acceptable (not to me, but in general) than what the LW said. Her response was way out of line. I don’t think there’s any coming back from it.April 20, 2017 at 12:59 pm #682851
It sounds like a comedy of errors to me. Here we have an obviously socially awkward, unaware of social norms, extremely sheltered individual in her first professional setting (despite her age) paired up with a boss who is being inappropriate. I do believe she snapped as a result of being made to feel uncomfortable for what sounds like weeks, and it isn’t okay that the boss was being a creeper/possibly harassing as well as saying strangely off-putting things about his daughter.
Dealing with a boss like that is several levels up on the “How To Be A Professional Working Woman” scale and she obviously didn’t know how to handle it. The correct response is to not even engage with the boss when he says things like that and (depending on the severity/comfort level) take it to HR. (And probably other things I’m missing, too. I have blessedly not had to deal with this kind of thing personally.)
However, the facts that: a) her horrific response was her “instinctual” reaction, b) it took hours for her to realize what she’d done, and c) it’s several weeks later and she’s only now writing in to AAM since the boss has become standoffish to her all show that she needed to learn this lesson. I definitely agree with Kate & think her internalized judgmental views based on her religion would have come out sooner or later, somehow.
I was raised pretty sheltered and Christian, yet without any of the obvious biases and misogyny this woman seems to have internalized. I was just a wide-eyed innocent, really, and I cringe when I think about it. For me, it was the moment in one of my screenwriting classes when my classmates all laughed at me for refusing to use a particular curse word when reading a script that “woke me up” in a sense. I was in my early 20s and living abroad in a Master’s program, and in a room full of much older writers and artists who thought it was ridiculous that I was so sheltered. A decade later, it’s funny to me because I use that particular word and many others all the time now. Thankfully, my awakening was a small moment of ridicule (which at the time felt like abject humiliation) rather than potentially ruining my professional reputation like this LW’s may be.April 20, 2017 at 2:30 pm #682873
Yeah, I was also raised to be fairly sheltered, but not with this kind of judgment. I don’t doubt that communities that feel this way exist, and it’s certainly possible she made it well into her 20s still hanging onto those norms. Growing up, my dad thought tank tops were inappropriate, so in high school, he’d make me change if I was wearing one. I actually still instinctively wonder, “Can I even *wear* this?” when I put on a tank top as an adult.April 20, 2017 at 2:48 pm #682878
Yeah, my dad had a lot to say about the appropriateness of women’s clothing and how women present themselves. A few times, he made me change my skirt because he deemed it “too short.” Or I couldn’t sit certain ways, even with pants on. This is also the man who said to my 19 year old sister that she got pregnant because she wore too short of skirts. No, she got pregnant because you and our mom refused to talk to us about sex. But I digress.
Even with my conservative upbringing and the comments about behavior and dress from my dad, I would never, ever think to call someone a whore because she’s young and attractive and ready to date. Ever.April 20, 2017 at 3:46 pm #682883
My other less vulgar retort would have been: “Too bad they didn’t — as you’d now actually have something to fall back on as your career here is done.”April 20, 2017 at 4:01 pm #682885
Ha ha, that wasn’t even the worst post on AaM. The ‘Duck Club’ one made my jaw drop, http://www.askamanager.org/2015/04/i-walked-in-on-employees-having-sex-and-i-think-there-might-be-a-sex-club-in-my-office.html
Although, calling a 15-year old a ‘whore’ is damn near close.April 20, 2017 at 4:23 pm #682888
Who would even think, “whore” about a fifteen year old?
Sounds like someone needs to brush up on her Christianity.