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Dear Wendy

Dating while legally married

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by avatar Kate 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #676756 Reply
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    Matthew

    I have been reading archives and comments on this site for awhile, never posted myself though. I have a question that I would like to see how others view my actions. In 2014 (June specifically) my ex-wife left our marital home with our two children. Within a month I filed for divorce (this wasn’t the first incident in our 10 years of marriage). I obtained split custody in July and the divorce took almost two years to be finalized. We were legally separated as of July 1st, 2104, The judge approved the divorce with our terms in December of 2015 and I filed the final divorce decree in February of 2016.

    My issue is that I met a woman at a temp job in January 2015 and began dating her. We have been together ever since and are very happy. We have pretty much blended our families together (my two children and her three children) and spend most nights at one another houses, and everyone is happy with the arrangement (well except my ex-wife who can be very vindictive and nasty and thought she would be back in the picture by now). I explained when we first started dating that I was in the process of divorcing, I had went through some counseling to help get over the marriage (and had been doing that prior to the split as we had been having problems for two years prior to her leaving).

    Did I do something wrong in dating prior to my divorce being finalized? If it helps I am 31 and my girlfriend is 26.

    #676762 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom

    I think that as long as you were honest about being separated but not legally divorced you were fine.

    #676763 Reply
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    Kate

    Why are you worried you did something wrong now though?

    #676785 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    Based on what you’re saying, I don’t see anything wrong, but we don’t really have the full information. I am also wondering why this is a question now. Is someone implying you did something wrong? Your current girlfriend? Your ex? Somebody else? Is there some sort of conflict over what your actions have been?

    #676787 Reply
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    saneinca

    Since BGM says people with children should never date, and others on this board say kids will be traumatized if parents start dating quickly, I think Matthew was trying to find out what was our opinion about his situation.

    #676807 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    I agree there’s way too little info here to say if you did anything “wrong.” Wrong how – legally, ethically? To whom – your wife, your kids, your new girlfriend? And again, why does it matter now, if you filed for divorce two years ago, it’s final, and you’re already living with your girlfriend and her kids?

    It’s possible that you did violate some law or statute in your country / state. You could look that up. Dating before a divorce is final and you’re trying to reach an agreement on assets and custody could mess you up if your spouse is angry, so it’s not a great idea, but pretty much everyone does it. When you get divorced, you feel kind of an overwhelming urge to start fresh and find true love. People jump right back into relationships, which often don’t work out. The divorce rate for second marriages is higher than for first marriages. I think you moved pretty fast with “blending families” with your girlfriend and the odds aren’t exactly in your favor, but did you do anything “wrong?” I don’t really think so. Who knows. If you told your girlfriend you were divorced when you started dating her, then that was a lie, and you were wrong. If you said you were legally separated, you were honest.

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by avatar Kate.
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