Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Don’t know what to do

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This topic contains 13 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by avatar LisforLeslie 2 days, 10 hours ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 14 total)
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  • #726905 Reply
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    Mia

    Dear Wendy,
    I’ve been in a relationship for the past 11 months. we’re about to hit one year in a month. But lately, I would estimate about a month or so, my boyfriend has not been giving me the same as he used Too. I know he loves me, but lately he chooses playing games over a conversation with me or he’d want to spend his days off with the boys instead of giving me quality time. He’s very passive aggressive and he hTes confrontation. When I do express my feelings about him not giving me attention or time he gets angry and shuts it down basically, he doesn’t take what I express to him to heart therefore he doesn’t change. It’s been like this for a month now if just constant back and fourth pointless arguments about the same thing. I would drop anything to speak to him no matter where I’m at or who I’m with. And my relationship is a secret from my parents so it’s not like i can openly talk with him at anytime. But I take the risk to talk to him because I don’t want him to feel as if I don’t care. I know he loves me but i feel like he’s taking me for granted. And when I do bring up something that’s bothering me, he just ignores it and acts as if I never said it. His response is always just “you know I love you” and that’s about it. We don’t talk about it or anything. Sigh, I don’t know what to do I’ve ecpressed to him multiple times about the same thing but he just doesn’t feed into it. Idk if he’s losing feelings or if he’s really just that oblivious. What should I do I feel so stuck
    Thanks, Mia

    #726906 Reply
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    Mia

    Also, when we first started dating he was so involved with me etc. so I know that he’s capable of treating me a certain way. And it’s not that he never treated me good cus he has, and when he did it was really good. So Idk, I can’t say anything cus he just gets upset and says “I’m tired of hearing it” when I do bring something up. His response is “why does anything have to be wrong”. So yeah, what do I do, I’m really stuck but I hate feeling this way I just wish things got back to the way they were. He works 5 days out of the week, so he is busy so I’m patient with him on those days. But on his days off he’ll spend the whole day playing video games or out with his friends and he’ll only make about an hour of time to speak with me at night around midnight. But it’s like even when he does speak to me during the night, his head or mind isn’t in it, and I could tell Bc he has to ask me what we should talk about. Like the conversation should come naturally, but he makes it seem like giving me time and talking with me is just another obligation to him. I kind of feel like I’m burdening him by asking for some time. Idk someone help

    #726907 Reply
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    It seems to me that the honeymoon period is over. You know he’s capable of treating you better, you’ve communicated what you need and…nothing has changed. He can’t be bothered. I think you should cut your losses and move on.

    #726909 Reply
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    TheRascal

    Why is your relationship a secret?

    Also: “I would drop anything to speak to him no matter where I’m at or who I’m with.”

    This seems a little bit unhealthy. What are your hobbies? Do you have any other friends?

    #726911 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    Why are you hiding the relationship from your parents?

    #726912 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    And yeah, “I would drop anything to speak to him no matter where I’m at or who I’m with.” doesn’t sound healthy, as TheRascal said.

    It sounds like you’re young, maybe in high school, and he’s older? Is that why you’re keeping him a secret from your parents?

    #726923 Reply
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    Tom

    Chances are he is fed up with the fact that you won’t even tell your parents… after 11 months.

    juliecatharine is right, if you aren’t willing to take it seriously , I.e tell your parents, then move on.

    He might be equally to blame , but if I was him I wouldn’t have even stuck around to the 6 month mark… until family are involved it isn’t serious.

    #726926 Reply
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    Lady Lake
    Member

    I also agree that the LW sounds like they are in High School and he is older. I think this is the problem right there. He is an adult with adult problems and responsibilities. Although I think the LW also has her own problems and responsibilities those are not one in the same.

    He works a lot and wants to take time to relax on his days off. You seems to have nothing going on and are waiting around for his “Free Time”. Stop That! I would MOA on this one and consider your studies and future.

    Find a couple hobbies to occupy your time and Don’t let a relationship be a secret. You deserve a relationship that you can tell the whole world about and be proud of the person that you are with. If a relationship has to be a secret then you know that deep down it’s not right.

    #726927 Reply
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    Mia

    I’m actually in my second year of college, and he’s 2 years older than me. Our friends know about our relationship, but we both keep it a secret from our parents Bc dating is not so openly accepted in our culture. My siblings as well as his siblings and cousins know about me. It’s just we haven’t told our parents Untill we know we’re ready for marriage. And that is my issue, I know he’s busy and he wants to relax on his days off that’s why I don’t like to bring anything up when I’m feeling a certain way because then I feel guilty. And what I meant by dropping anything to talk to him is because he lost his father a few years back, and he’s very dependent on me to be there for him as I am with him.

    #726938 Reply
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    Heatherly
    Member

    This relationship has run it’s course. His feelings have changed. He hasn’t ended it out of hating being the bearer of bad news( possibly but exact reason doesn’t matter), but it’s over & you should end it as it’s limping to it’s death.

    #726943 Reply
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    Ron

    It’s winding down for him. Probably the furtiveness of the relationship added extra pizzaz in the honeymoon phase, but now his interest is waning.

    #726945 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    When a guy can’t be bothered to see you it means he isn’t interested.

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