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Dear Wendy

Drank too much, shared something I shouldn't have

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by avatar MMR 4 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #689383 Reply
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    VeeLee
    Member

    I’ll keep this brief. One of my dearest friends (“AJ”) in currently in rehab seeking help for drug addiction. I’ve been in frequent contact with him, and while he seems to be doing well, he doesn’t want many people to know (which I understand).

    I ran into a mutual friend (“Bob”) while out celebrating a birthday and he remarked that he hasn’t heard from AJ in a while, and asked is everything ok? AJ’s drug addiction was an open secret among our group, and I had drank about 3 glasses of wine so was fairly buzzed. I stupidly replied, “He’s in rehab.” Bob was shocked and I think I actually covered my mouth, I felt so guilty. I don’t know why I told him.

    Now I am wracked with guilt and wonder if I should approach Bob and beg his discretion and/or if I should tell AJ, or just let it go. I’m worried when AJ gets back in town, the secret will be out and he’ll hate me for it. I don’t want to lose his friendship and I am also worried about AJ’s pysche. What can I do to rectify this?

    Thanks,
    V

    • This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by avatar VeeLee.
    #689391 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    I think the damage is done, re: Bob, if he’s the type to blab. But it might be a good idea to get in touch with Bob and just say you feel really bad, you’d been drinking, and as soon as the words left your mouth you realized AJ doesn’t want many people to know he’s in rehab and could Bob please keep it on the DL. Of course Bob may not trust you with privileged info going forward, but it may be worth doing if you think Bob is a good guy who wouldn’t gossip if he knew this isn’t widely known.

    I think realistically though, if AJ has told a few people, he kind of has to expect that the word will get around. People do talk. They shouldn’t, but they do.

    #689392 Reply
    bagge72
    bagge72
    Participant

    I personally would call Bob and ask him to keep his lips sealed, and then tell AJ what happened so he has a heads up, but the damage is done. If you didn’t tell Bob last night to keep it quiet, he’s told a lot of people already.

    #689393 Reply

    Ask Bob to keep it to himself?

    Tell AJ.

    #689394 Reply
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    VeeLee
    Member

    Thanks. I expressed immediate regret to Bob when I told him, but will reiterate kindly that he keep it to himself. AJ has told a few mutual friends (how much I’m not sure) about his recent struggles with addiction, but not sure about the rehab. I will have to tell him and deal with it I think.

    • This reply was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by avatar VeeLee.
    #689474 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I don’t think it’s a given that Bob has blabbed, unless you know Bob to be a blabber.

    #690561 Reply
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    MMR

    I think the advice here is really good. But I also think you need to consider WHEN you should tell AJ.

    I don’t know enough about the rehab process to answer this:

    Should you tell AJ now, so he has a chance to absorb this info before he gets back? (so AJ can mentally prepare for the fact that people might know)

    OR should you wait until he’s finished with rehab so you don’t interrupt the rehab process? (so AJ can focus on what he needs to do get clean, rather than what other people might think of him)

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