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Dear Wendy

Engagement rings

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This topic contains 33 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by avatar Fyodor 4 months ago.

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  • #673289 Reply

    Long-time reader, first time poster here!

    My boyfriend and I are both in our mid-20’s and have been together for 6+ years and are essentially “married” in every way but actually married. We’ve lived together for 4 years and own a house together in a family friendly area where we are both in the mortgage. We are also in a good place financially with stable jobs

    Because I don’t wear much jewelry day-to-day and am not the most careful, I am not super attached to getting a diamond engagement ring fur any other train than that it is pretty and a traditional sign of romance and commitment in American society. He ready to propose, but he didn’t see the point of spending a financially responsible, paid for in cash ring when he can get a diamond alternative.

    What are your thoughts on a Moissanite engagement ring? Does anyone have one? It is less than 1/5 of the price of a comparable diamond and looks very similar. We would have it set at a local jeweler.

    Some of our friends are very anti diamond alternatives. What should I tell people if they ask?

    #673293 Reply

    Get what you both want. This is about what symbolizes your relationship.

    If people ask if it’s a real diamond, that’s rude. I wouldn’t answer anyways. Many of my friends have diamond alternative and they answer with “A diamond wasn’t what they wanted.”

    #673294 Reply

    Ask them how much they’re paid to shill for De Beers, or alternatively you could just tell them that you are happy with the ring and find it strange that they are so concerned about your ring.

    #673296 Reply

    They would ask you if it’s real??? I don’t know, maybe you need new friends. I can’t even imagine anyone asking that question. If they ask you,just have a good answer ready, like that tou’re not comfortable wearing that much money on your finger and you asked your bf not to get you a diamond. Or you could look into different gemstones entirely if that appeals to you (naturally-occurring but cheaper ones). I didn’t want a diamond so I have a sapphire, for example.

    If you really want to stick it to them, you could say you’re not comfortable supporting cartels, or African warlords, or blood diamonds, or whatever else you want to say.

    #673298 Reply

    Lots of people get engagement rings with non-diamond stones, because the stone has some special meaning to them. I knew someone who had a stone that was the color of the sea in the Caribbean, because they had vacationed there often as a couple. Another friend had a ruby ring because of some literary reference that was important to them both.

    It’s nobody’s business why you get a particular kind of ring, and anyone who criticizes your engagement ring is just plain rude.

    #673299 Reply
    Northern Star

    Get the ring you want (with a stone, if it has one, that is durable and will last through washing, scrubbing, banging it on furniture, etc.). People who question your choice are rude. Treat the questions as rude—with polite pushback.

    #673300 Reply

    I didn’t get an engagement ring! I asked for diamond earrings instead. And they’re gorgeous. People thought we were crazy. That’s their problem. Your commitment isn’t any less.

    Anyway, I say get what you want. Don’t elaborate to people because it’s not any of their business. If they ask, say you’re ecstatic to marry the person you love and leave it at that.

    We are getting bands. I just didn’t want a ring.

    #673301 Reply

    Oh and definitely don’t get a diamond if you don’t want one. That’s literally the only reason to get a diamond – because you want it. Otherwise it’s just a massive waste of money.

    #673302 Reply

    I know several people that went the Moissanite route. They look beautiful, very sparkly.

    I also have a bunch of friends (myself included) who went with a colored stone more to their liking instead of a diamond. I got an emerald. It’s a small stone, which is nice because I can wear it everyday and it doesn’t get in the way.

    And who cares if your friends are “anti-diamond alternatives”. You are the one that has to wear the ring all the time, might as well get something you like (in appearance and cost). If they want a big honking generic Tiffany’s ring or whatever, well good on them.

    You should get something you (and your finance like), and if they don’t like it, well that’s weird.

    #673303 Reply

    I had a ruby for my first marriage and I now have an antique ring which does happen to be a diamond, but since it’s ‘recycled’ I feel pretty good about it. I mean, 1840s haaay.

    Also, I have plenty of friends that did Moissanite. My brother just got his girlfriend an Oregon sunstone. Its gorgeous.

    #673304 Reply

    That’s hilarious that someone would be anti-diamond alternative.

    #673305 Reply

    I was just checking out a friend’s moissanite ring the other day – it’s absolutely gorgeous! Me personally, I want colored gemstone (sapphire or morganite) surrounded by diamonds – I want a sparkly ring but not to go into debt over it!! But really, at the end of the day it’s about what you want – and those anti-diamond alternative friends of yours can mind their own business!

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