Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Engagement

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This topic contains 12 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by avatar LisforLeslie 2 weeks ago.

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  • #725150 Reply
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    tscott
    Member

    Me and my boyfriend of 3 years talk seriously all the time about marriage, he says he knows he wants be with me for good! And we have a little baby girl in 30 days so it’s serious … I found out he was going to propose to me in February just gone but didn’t because I asked for a break to clear my head. It was only for a week and it’s the biggest regret of my life as I’m extremely in love with him. He’s not yet proposed and says he will when he’s ready. He was then but isn’t now like what the hell!? I fucked things up badly he says he forgives me but obvs not if he now doesn’t wanna propose. What do I do here???

    #725182 Reply
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    TheHizzy

    Cool your jets and just be with him. You took a break from him, he’s trying to see how he trusts the relationship. Go and be yourself, the person he loves, and stop stressing about engagement.

    #725202 Reply
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    Sunshine Brite

    Put the idea of proposal on the backburner. Focus on preparing to be the best parent you can be and best partner you can be in this moment.

    #725210 Reply
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    Ron

    There must have been a fairly serious problem in your relationship to ask a break from an almost 3-year relationship in order to clear your head. I’ll guess that the majority of breaks become breakups, which is why I’m declaring this a serious unresolved issue. You certainly couldn’t have cleared your head in one short week. Was the relationship problem successfully resolved, or did you just give in to a desire to be engaged and the normal sadness and loneliness after a break/breakup? If you haven’t raised, thoroughly discussed, and mutually resolved the issues leading to the break, then your bf is very well advised not to rush into an engagement. Your letter sounds like you just papered things over.

    #725213 Reply
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    tscott
    Member

    I got all everyone’s saying but yes we definitely resolved the issue , it turns out we just needed abit of space as we was each other 24/7 , we talked about everything that happened very deeply and I know he forgives me and it’s all sorted and I’m the past that’s why I don’t get what’s going on right now. I know I shouldn’t be bothered about this as I’m soon to be parent but I can’t get it off my mind.

    #725214 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Have you discussed what you both want for next steps and a timeline for getting engaged/married? That may be a better place to start than waiting around for a proposal.

    #725245 Reply
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    tscott
    Member

    He says he wants to marry me and he can’t wait for it. That’s what’s confusing me

    #725249 Reply
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    Kate

    The possibilities are:

    He’s planning to do it but feels nagged because you bring it up too much; wants to do it on his own timeline / have it feel spontaneous

    He wants to want to do it, but can’t really get there / has doubts

    He’s just kind of telling you what you want to hear / not sure what else to do since you’ve been together a while and are having a baby, but isn’t all that into the idea of making it permanent

    He thinks you want an expensive ring and wedding he can’t afford right now

    If he really “can’t wait,” he’d have married you by now. What do YOU think is holding him back?

    #725250 Reply
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    Kate

    Also – I’ve broken up with a guy before and had him say he was going to propose, was custom designing a ring “for my finger,” blah blah, and never proposed after we got back together. I didn’t believe he was going to, I think it was something he told me to be hurtful or whatever. If he wanted to marry me, he’d have married me.

    #725293 Reply
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    TheHizzy

    @kate very much yes. I had a guy I took a “break” with and when we got back together he asked me to marry him pretty quick. It didn’t last at all because its was a band-aid.

    #725323 Reply
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    tscott
    Member

    I don’t really know what to think , maybe he just doesn’t want to and he’s just saying it to make me feel better , I juts wish he’d tell me the truth. I obvs believe him and that I just don’t understand what’s taking so long

    #725831 Reply
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    FannyBrice

    Seems like the easiest solution is for you to propose to him.

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