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Dear Wendy

Exclusive Friends with benefit?

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This topic contains 29 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar JD 6 days, 14 hours ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 30 total)
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  • #739366 Reply
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    kylie

    How would you explain his behavior of keep liking my facebook comments or posts? The last night we hung out, he said “okay so we are going to keep hang out, right?” and we decided to see how things go. But he doesnt really talk to me at all, only few snaps that he seems like sending to everyone. Just confusing

    #739367 Reply
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    kylie

    Also he suggested me meeting his roommate, which i said no saying I dont feel comfortable since you’re looking for a fwb relationship, and he said I value you as my friend too so i want you to meet my friends too. Im just so confused with his idea!

    #739369 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Girl. I told you, he’s breadcrumbing you with this social media stuff while he pursues other women. It keeps you on his hook with almost zero effort on his part. If he actually valued your friendship he would want to talk and text with you. He doesn’t. He’s looking for casual sex. That’s it.

    #739374 Reply
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    Heatherly
    Member

    Block him on social media/lose his number and go looking for someone who is actually into you. He’d like to have sex with you, but that’s not a high bar.

    #739376 Reply
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    kylie

    Okay, yeah when we first talked he emphasized so much that he doesnt do casual hookups, he has sex only when he has feelings, sex without feeling is meaningless, asking me to hang with his roommates, talking and trying to meet me a lot and putting a lot of effort meeting me, which made me think he was looking for something real – but his answer when i finally asked what he was looking for was just blowing my mind! Exclusive friends with benefit with feelings! maybe he had been just lying to get into my pants as if he has feelings and tuffs? I felt like he stopped talking put liking my posts wanting me to make a first move since he is tired of keep trying. But yeah as everyone said I think he is not really much worth my time, unless Im looking for the same from him. Im not looking for anything serious in him, but Im afraid if i get hurt as I grow feelings as I keep seeing/hanging out with him

    #739384 Reply
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    Northern Star

    The reason he likes your Facebook posts: It’s easy, and for very little effort could result in sex. What’s the downside for him?

    And what do you mean by saying he was “lying to get in my pants?” NO SHIT he wants to get into your pants—he’s told you as much. What do you think he’s “lying” about?

    #739387 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    Agreed with Northern Star. He has told you exactly what he wants. He wants to be your friend. And he wants to have sex with you. He wants to make this situation exclusive so he doesn’t have to worry about std’s. Basically, he wants relationship perks without being in a relationship. If he meets someone he does want to be in a relationship with, or someone else he wants to have sex with,he can end the fwb thing with you without feeling bad because of the agreement he concocted.

    Theoretically, you’re free to behave the same. Since you’re over analyzing everything, I don’t think you’re cut out for the fwb thing. And that’s fine. It’s hard.

    #739388 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    I don’t think it’s about STDs. People aren’t afraid of them anymore and don’t use condoms. I think he just wants a source of sex that other guys aren’t tapped into.

    #739389 Reply
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    MMR

    I can’t STAND how much meaning people try to read into “likes” and “views”.

    They mean literally nothing. If you’re going down that path, it’s because you have nothing real. If the most effort someone is going to give you is 20 milliseconds to hit a like button, they aren’t worth your time.

    Also, meeting someone’s roommate means nothing. Casual hookups meet the roommate as they’re coming and going.

    No part of this is confusing. He’s only interested in sex.

    #739391 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    Well that could be to. Whatever his reasons, he has made it clear what he wants. No sense reading more into it.

    #739440 Reply
    FireStar
    FireStar
    Participant

    Who cares what he wants? What he doesn’t want is to date you. He doesn’t want to ask about your day. To adjust his schedule to help you with something. To be committed to you. To make you dinner. To support you when you need it. To watch your cat over the weekend. To look after you when you’re sick.

    He wants to have you as a steady fuck that he doesn’t have to be committed to. Which is convenient because that leaves him technically still single to date someone else he might actually want a commitment with. Because then he can tell you he never lied to you. He told you he wasn’t committed. And those feelings he needs to have for sex? He thinks you’re good enough for sex and he likes you well enough but nothing else.

    Nothing good comes from this. He’s already feeding you bs by telling you it’s a semantical discussion. Dating and a fuck buddy aren’t the same thing. Don’t be swayed by the noise. You know he’s full of it.

    #739443 Reply
    TheLadyE
    TheLadyE

    If this helps, I have a FWB who lives across the country. He frequently likes and comments on my posts on FB and sends me snaps (that are just for me! WHAT.) but I’m under no delusion that he is able give me anything more than FWB. It took me awhile to be fine with it after we met 2+ years ago, but now I am. We have a connection, sure, but it’s not boyfriend/girlfriend or lasting love. He’s not able to give me that, and I’m ok with that.

    It really depends on what you want and are able to accept. When I first met my FWB, I was smitten and liked him a LOT, but after getting to know him I realized we weren’t long-term compatible. That took months, though, and a cross-country visit to see him that was kind of a shitshow. I moved on, dated other people, and it was only after I had moved on that we could reunite and be FWB without me expecting more from him.

    It seems like he does like you and wants to have sex with you without the emotional labor/obligation of a relationship. Is that enough for you long-term? Frankly, he sounds emotionally immature…as many guys are. If you’re honestly, really, truly ok with that, then cool. But it took me 2 years and falling in real love with someone else to be ok with the fact that fun and sex is all my FWB can give me. Think about it, and proceed…with caution…accordingly.

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