Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friend in Bad Marriage/Not Caring for Kids Pregnant Again

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Friend in Bad Marriage/Not Caring for Kids Pregnant Again

This topic contains 22 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by avatar FriendinNeed 7 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 11 posts - 13 through 23 (of 23 total)
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  • #666997 Reply

    FWIW, I think you did exactly the right thing by telling her parents about the pregnancy. They’re already heavily involved and are helping to care for the children, and they’re the ones who need to take the lead in the next steps.

    And they’re doing the right thing, too, by working to get the children out of her custody. Whatever your friend’s issues are, she’s not fit to be caring for children right now.

    As for your relationship with her? I don’t know. I would let her know that I love her and will always care about her, but she needs help, from professionals. Whether she seeks it out on her own, or asks her parents to help her get it, or asks you to help her get it – she needs care.

    Even if I couldn’t deal with her directly anymore, I’d stay in touch with her parents, because I’d want to know how she was doing, and if there were something I could do to help.

    #667010 Reply

    You did the right thing, FriendinNeed. Likely your friends parents know what your friend’s actual problems are. 90% certain those problems go beyond both a bad marriage and your ability to fix. The sort of deterioration you describe and the neglect of her children almost always spring from either addiction to drugs or alcohol or from serious mental illness. Either way, your friend is in serious need of professional help.

    #667025 Reply

    Thank you, all. Her mother has called the proper authorities and from what I am understanding, an investigation will soon begin on the conditions of the home. I, personally, have never been in my friend’s home but her mother’s description is enough to make you cry. I had no idea that for the past three years that her children were suffering in those conditions. I’m thankful her parents are close by and have stepped up to ensure their grandchildren are safe.

    I do plan to stay in touch with her mother to see how her children are doing. My friend hasn’t reached out to me since I told her how disappointed and upset I was at her for going and becoming pregnant when literally weeks earlier, she was sat down by her family and told how her actions are hurting her children.

    I would guess that she is deeply depressed from the past years of this marriage, and she holds on to a lot of anger and regrets that she’s talked to me about. Hopefully this will mean she will seek professional help.

    #667027 Reply

    Honestly? One last thing? Drive her to an abortion clinic.

    #667045 Reply

    Honestly, I would but she’s told his family, they know the sex and have already named it. No way would she ever do that.

    #667128 Reply

    Walk away, call CPS, donate to Planned Parenthood.

    Your friend is an addicted to a loser, don’t enable her.

    #667132 Reply

    She’s 20+ weeks pregnant?

    #667138 Reply

    You can find out the sex before 20 weeks now, if you get the cell free DNA testing. Usually you have to pay, but I got it free because I was going to be 40 on my due date. I found out at 12 or 13 weeks.

    But yeah, what everyone else said. You did the right thing.

    #667249 Reply

    Walk away from the friendship. I had a very close friend of 5 years, posted in this forum about it more than once, and decided to walk away. It was hard and I mourned the friendship for a few months, but I was and am happier with the reduced stress and drama in my life.

    Although, I find it odd that you are digging for all of these details from her parents, and that you have never been to her house. How close are you, really?

    WES, leave your friend and her family alone, and block all communication.

    #667253 Reply

    I think someone should get her to a doctor. This could be serious depression and no it’s not an excuse but if it can be fixed then it’s better for the kids.

    #667875 Reply

    I live over two hours away from her but we kept daily contact via text and phone calls. In my attempts to see her at home, she would always “just miss” me. We only see each other 3-4 times a year.

    As an update, CPS is supposedly investigating so hopefully her children are safe.

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