This topic contains 40 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by mertlej 1 month, 2 weeks ago.
- January 10, 2017 at 6:04 pm #668350
I don’t mean to hector you during a difficult time-just keep in mind that he might have similar issues (even if he’s putting on a brave face for you) and be careful about phrasing*
* I intentionally rendered myself blank-shooting so I have a different view on the phrasesology.January 10, 2017 at 6:38 pm #668353
Just wanted to send good thoughts. I don’t want to be all GIJOE on you but knowing is half the battle. Now you can make a plan. You can talk here always but there are forums devoted to your issues if you need support from people who have been there.January 11, 2017 at 7:42 am #668403
Hello Freckles. Sorry to hear this isn’t going as planned. You’ve probably had a good look for ideas on this, but here’s a few things to think about: Have Mr Freckles ( & you too) tried acupuncture? I know a lot of men feel it’s a waste of time, but it’s been known to up the sperm count and/or quality and it destressess you which helps over all. Plus, is he taking a multivitamin etc and looked his diet? And weight lifting also helps as it builds up testosterone, which helps everything…I mean 3/4 times a week. New sperm takes up to 3 months to fully form; so diet, exercise, acupuncture can all be used to boost this.
Oh & I hope he is wearing boxers, rather then tight briefs.January 11, 2017 at 10:05 am #668427
Bah. I’m so sick of hiding everything related to trying to conceive from everyone. When people come over, I always have to go through and hide pregnancy related tings (test strips, vitamins – we don’t have a master bathroom that is only used by us). And my in-laws are staying with us soon, so I need to really do the deep dive in the bathroom to hide everything. Plus go through the office to hide paperwork. Scour the house to make sure we didn’t leave any other paperwork or bills lying around. I only surf pregnancy and infertility related sites in private mode on my phone, and make sure to clear everything when I’m done, in case a friend sees it if they’re looking at my phone for something. I’m constantly thinking about what I’m doing to make sure we don’t get “caught”.
It’s exhausting, and I wish we could just tell everyone and be done with it. At first, we didn’t mention anything because if we had problems, we didn’t want it to be obvious if we weren’t pregnant soon. Plus I really wanted to surprise people when we told them I was pregnant. And now that we ARE having trouble, we really don’t want anyone to know. And if we hadn’t had trouble, this only would have gone on for a few months. But it’s a year now, with no end in sight.
Ugh. So sick of stressing about hiding everything. That’s almost the worst part about this taking so long. The hiding, and the living in limbo, not able to plan anything “in case we get pregnant”. We finally said fuck it and just planned a vacation with friends. Because we can’t put our life on hold for something that may never happen. But it’s still always in the back of mind, “what if”, and how future plans will fit with me being pregnant. Or now, fit in with any future fertility treatments.January 11, 2017 at 10:07 am #668428
Also thank you to everyone for your kind words and suggestions. I’ve started looking online for infertility support groups. But so far they’re all either in-person, which I don’t really want; or there are hardly any members, which means there isn’t much of a discussion; or it’s the “sticky baby!! baby dust!!” type of forum, which isn’t really my style.
I’m still looking though.January 11, 2017 at 10:25 am #668433
Late to the party but sending you baby making mojo!January 11, 2017 at 10:26 am #668434
And one more plug for acupuncture; my sil swears it’s what helped her.January 11, 2017 at 10:27 am #668435
Freckles, I am so sorry you are going through this. I understand the desire for privacy during this time, but it sounds like it’s really not working for you. I had two miscarriages before I had my son, and it was very therapeutic for me to talk with people about my struggles and fears and sadness and all of it. If I had kept it all in, I think I would have gone crazy. I understand that since it’s not “your” issue, you want to respect the wishes of your husband, but I do think it’s worth a conversation with him to let him know the privacy in and of itself is taking a mental toll on you. Perhaps the two of you can agree on a couple of very close friends or family members whom you trust very much to share the details with…I can only imagine the loneliness you feel going through it in this manner. And I only bring this up due to your last few posts here and how stressed you sound.January 11, 2017 at 10:34 am #668436
Babycenter. Com and .ca should have ttc pages if not infertility pages/ groups. I don’t use that site any more but it was useful for many aspects of pregnancy and parenting – I just don’t quite remember the format whether it’s Groups or something else . When I was pregnant and had a scary ultrasound result I created a post and got lots of feedback. I didn’t want to share/consult with all of facebook of course so it came in handy. I feel like info must be deleted here because people are speaking of shooting blanks but I missed where the op said that. My friend’s husband had low sperm count “3%” is what she said. Then she got pregnant 4 times (not with any big help though he may well have taken Chinese medicine or done acupuncture.)January 11, 2017 at 10:56 am #668440
I deleted some info because it came across as insensitive. But my husband’s semen analysis came back with zero sperm. He needs to go in for a follow up to retest, but I’m not anticipating it will be any different.January 11, 2017 at 11:01 am #668442
I’d tried acupuncture in the past for anxiety, and wasn’t a huge fan. But our insurance covers most of it for several sessions, so I suppose there’s no harm. I can’t imagine Mr Freckles going for it though 🙂 He’s not so much the yoga acupuncture meditation type, even though I love most of that stuff. I’ll discuss it with him and see what he thinks. If nothing else, I can go for myself just for stress.
@lianne, I’ll talk to him again in a few days. He’s been working ridiculous hours lately, which should end next week, so I’ve held off on discussing anything while he’s so busy and stressed with that (plus the news will have simmered for a little longer). Next week I’ll see what he says. And in the meantime I’ll try an online community and see if that helps.
@Gwyneth6, thanks for the suggestion! I always prefer actual referrals from people. I will give Babycenter a try!January 11, 2017 at 11:34 am #668449
I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry you are going through this, @freckles.