Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

he talks to other girls

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Skyblossom Skyblossom 6 days, 20 hours ago.

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  • #723182 Reply
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    Laura

    I don’t know what to do. The past few weeks,my boyfriend has been talking to a girl that he knows flirts with him. Even after he promised me three different times to quit, he kept on. I know he talks to girls and leads them on by being overly nice to them. Then to sum it all up, yesterday he lied to me. He told me that when a girl flirted with him, he told her to stop. But then I heard the real story. He talked to her and even let her touch him because he was “too scared to move.” I’d appreciate any advice with this because i am completely confused, hurt, and lost. thank you

    #723184 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    So:

    He lies to you.
    He leads other girls on.
    He makes promises and breaks them. Repeatedly.

    If your confusion is stemming from the fact that he does all this and also says things like “but you’re the one I loooooooove, baby!,” well, it’s entirely possible that he wants to be with you but wants to screw around, too.

    The only question is whether you want a monogamous relationship. Because you probably don’t have one now, and you’re not going to get one with this guy. If you’re not happy with the situation, dump him and find someone who feels the way you do about relationships.

    #723185 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    He did what?! He — GASP! — talked to another girl?!
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    Oh the humanity.
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    Sorry, but if a man wrote in here with this exact same feeble dilemma, he’d RIGHTLY be labled as controlling and batshitcrazy.
    .
    PS — LW, you are controlling and batshitcrazy.

    #723189 Reply
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    Northern Star

    Yeah. Anyone who has any negative opinions at all about being lied to or watching their boyfriend flirt with and lead other women on are just freakin’ crazy. Sure.

    #723191 Reply
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    Leslie Joan

    Maybe he told her to stop, and maybe he was also “too scared to move.” But honestly, whatever the case, he’s not capable of turning away anyone who is throwing herself at him, and has no interest in learning how. So there’s nothing left but to break up with him. I’m sorry, but he’s either a liar, or too passive to make his way through the world.

    And BGM, don’t be absurd. It’s not about “being controlling” not to want to see your BF be able to shut down someone who is getting excessively flirty and pawing him. It’s the proper response to communicate, and to understand he’s the one whose reactions either welcome or discourage the flirting and pawing. He is either welcoming it, or too fucking passive to cross the street. I very much doubt that anyone would have a different reaction whether it’s a male or a female. It’s not saying that the BF isn’t allowed to talk to anyone of the applicable sex; it has specifically to do with shutting down the OTT flirting.

    #723210 Reply
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    Ange

    I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle. He’s a bit of a flirt and she’s jealous as hell so no wonder the lies are mounting up. If I knew someone was going to lose their nana because a girl touched me – especially if it wasn’t an expected touch then I’d lie too.

    To sum up: you are both terrible for each other and need to break up. Men and women are going to talk and it shouldn’t be a big deal for two people who can get over their mutual issues to manage it in a respectful manner. That it is a big deal is a great sign neither of you are ready for a relationship.

    #723250 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    Yup @ange.

    I’m just really curious about this “touching”. Did she caress his face and he just purred like a kitten? Did she put her hand on his forearm and then keep it there? Did she put her hand on his forearm and then remove it after a moment? Did she grab him by the crotch? Maybe she held him close and gave him the Godfather kiss “I know it was you Fredo” style and she has a hit out on him now. So many many options.

    If you wanted him to take four steps back and go “Ewwww! Other girl cooties! I am IN A RELATIONSHIP!” well – that’s just ridiculous.

    #723252 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    What do you mean by overly nice?

    Do you trust your boyfriend? If the answer is yes then you are fine and if the answer is no then you are done. If he is trustworthy then it won’t matter how much a girl flirts with him she will get no where. If he encourages the flirting that is different. If he thrives on the idea that all the desirable girls are flirting with him and he encourages that then you may as well break up. If he isn’t flirting with them or encouraging them and they flirt with him that is beyond his control. He can’t prevent a girl from stopping to talk to him and he can’t stop her from touching him. He can step back from here if she keeps putting her hands on him and he can walk away.

    I think you could benefit from reading some body language books, especially romantic body language. Get a good idea of what body language shows he’s interested and what doesn’t. You may be over reacting to any interaction he has with a girl or you may be picking up on him inviting lots of flirting. It is impossible to tell without being there.

    The two of you may have different ways of relating to the world and may not be a good match. That’s what dating is about. Finding someone who is a good match and learning to see the signs when they aren’t.

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