Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Help!

This topic contains 13 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by avatar Leslie Joan 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #689768 Reply
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    c89

    So an ex-boyfriend of mine had been talking to me for about a month following my birthday (started talking because he said happy birthday). I thought he had a girlfriend, so I asked him about her, and he said she was gone. We began flirting, very casual and no feelings, and then met up and hooked up two separate times. We talked every night until 4 a.m. for the entire month, and then I discovered his girlfriend was still around. I talked to many people and was told to tell her, so she would know I did not do it knowingly. She seemed very skeptical, and I sent her the screenshots I had, but she did not believe me. I left it alone, but received a horribly sarcastic and bitchy message from her a few days later. She said that her love with him is strong and that I should not lie and try to break them up. I have not responded to the message, but am really wanting to tell her something along the lines of “I am sorry if you feel that I lied, but I hope you know that I never did anything with the knowledge of your relationship.” Should I leave the message, and let her continue to think/tell people that I am a liar? Or can I send one message that apologizes (I am being the bigger person) and then leave it alone? He is disgusting and has convinced her I am a liar, so talking to him is something I will never do! Please help, I want to do the right thing.

    #689770 Reply
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    Ale
    Member

    Don’t mess with other people’s relationships. Stop contacting either one of them.

    #689771 Reply
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    Heather

    You tried & now don’t bother involving yourself further and block him as he’s the a***hole in this whole situation.

    #689775 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    Stop. Their relationship isn’t any of your business. Block them both and move on.

    #689776 Reply
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    TheHizzy

    No help needed. Stay out of it.

    #689786 Reply
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    Ron

    It sounds like his gf may be right that your interest is in blowing up their relationship, either out of revenge or to get back with your ex. You say that you thought he had a gf, but then just believed him when he said she was gone and immediately started hooking up with him. Sounds like you were determined to believe she was gone and wanted back with this ex.

    #689794 Reply
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    c89

    I had known about his girlfriend for a while, but we spent about 5 months not talking and did not have him on social media anymore. He spoke about having a horrible day and feeling depressed and lonely, so when I pressed him for further information it made sense that they had broken up. Ruining their relationship is something I would have wanted (never done) about a year ago. My assumption was he just wanted a hook up, which is not something I found strange given his previous actions. I really do feel bad for being so oblivious, but when I found out she was still around, I stopped communication. I appreciate the advice and will leave it alone. Thank you!

    #689799 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I don’t think you need to feel guilty, because he’s the one who is ruining his relationship. But I do think that the best course of action in a situation like that is just to stop seeing the person and not involve yourself in their current relationship.

    #689801 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    I don’t think you did the right thing by telling the girlfriend. You did it for YOU, because you were pissed. It sounds retaliatory to me. You say you wanted her to know you didn’t knowingly sleep with a guy who had a girlfriend… but that just benefits you, not her. Why even tell her? Would she have known about it if you didn’t?

    You got fooled, shame on him, but don’t drag her into it. Stop listening to shit stirrers and rise above the drama. You should have taken the higher road and stayed out of their relationship once you found out he lied to you. Telling her just made you look bad. Leave it alone.

    #689804 Reply
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    Janelle

    Totally agree with @kate. That was all for you. I called a girl out one time similarly but that was because she was the other woman and found out about me and was harassing me. I of course got rid of him too!

    #689805 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Stop talking to him, and do not contact his girlfriend anymore. You told her once, and she didn’t believe you. There’s nothing you can do or say that will make her trust your word over her boyfriend’s. He lied to you, he’s likely lying to her — stay away from both of them if you don’t want to get sucked into drama.

    #689860 Reply
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    TheHizzy

    On a side bar it’s amazing how, as I’m getting older, it’s easier to peg people as young. As a young person I would feel like the LW. Wanting to get justice and tell the GF that her BF is a scumbag. But really, it’s not her place and not her battle. As I get older I realize that and learn lessons the hard way sometimes. I just wish I knew what I know now – back when I was young. Would have saved a lot of frustration on my end I’m sure.

    Yay to growing up.

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