This topic contains 13 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by Leslie Joan 5 months, 3 weeks ago.
June 8, 2017 at 10:30 am #689768
So an ex-boyfriend of mine had been talking to me for about a month following my birthday (started talking because he said happy birthday). I thought he had a girlfriend, so I asked him about her, and he said she was gone. We began flirting, very casual and no feelings, and then met up and hooked up two separate times. We talked every night until 4 a.m. for the entire month, and then I discovered his girlfriend was still around. I talked to many people and was told to tell her, so she would know I did not do it knowingly. She seemed very skeptical, and I sent her the screenshots I had, but she did not believe me. I left it alone, but received a horribly sarcastic and bitchy message from her a few days later. She said that her love with him is strong and that I should not lie and try to break them up. I have not responded to the message, but am really wanting to tell her something along the lines of “I am sorry if you feel that I lied, but I hope you know that I never did anything with the knowledge of your relationship.” Should I leave the message, and let her continue to think/tell people that I am a liar? Or can I send one message that apologizes (I am being the bigger person) and then leave it alone? He is disgusting and has convinced her I am a liar, so talking to him is something I will never do! Please help, I want to do the right thing.June 8, 2017 at 10:52 am #689770
Don’t mess with other people’s relationships. Stop contacting either one of them.June 8, 2017 at 10:57 am #689771
You tried & now don’t bother involving yourself further and block him as he’s the a***hole in this whole situation.June 8, 2017 at 11:21 am #689775
Stop. Their relationship isn’t any of your business. Block them both and move on.June 8, 2017 at 11:24 am #689776
No help needed. Stay out of it.June 8, 2017 at 12:40 pm #689786
It sounds like his gf may be right that your interest is in blowing up their relationship, either out of revenge or to get back with your ex. You say that you thought he had a gf, but then just believed him when he said she was gone and immediately started hooking up with him. Sounds like you were determined to believe she was gone and wanted back with this ex.June 8, 2017 at 1:20 pm #689794
I had known about his girlfriend for a while, but we spent about 5 months not talking and did not have him on social media anymore. He spoke about having a horrible day and feeling depressed and lonely, so when I pressed him for further information it made sense that they had broken up. Ruining their relationship is something I would have wanted (never done) about a year ago. My assumption was he just wanted a hook up, which is not something I found strange given his previous actions. I really do feel bad for being so oblivious, but when I found out she was still around, I stopped communication. I appreciate the advice and will leave it alone. Thank you!June 8, 2017 at 3:03 pm #689799
I don’t think you need to feel guilty, because he’s the one who is ruining his relationship. But I do think that the best course of action in a situation like that is just to stop seeing the person and not involve yourself in their current relationship.June 8, 2017 at 3:15 pm #689801
I don’t think you did the right thing by telling the girlfriend. You did it for YOU, because you were pissed. It sounds retaliatory to me. You say you wanted her to know you didn’t knowingly sleep with a guy who had a girlfriend… but that just benefits you, not her. Why even tell her? Would she have known about it if you didn’t?
You got fooled, shame on him, but don’t drag her into it. Stop listening to shit stirrers and rise above the drama. You should have taken the higher road and stayed out of their relationship once you found out he lied to you. Telling her just made you look bad. Leave it alone.June 8, 2017 at 3:34 pm #689804
Totally agree with @kate. That was all for you. I called a girl out one time similarly but that was because she was the other woman and found out about me and was harassing me. I of course got rid of him too!June 8, 2017 at 3:39 pm #689805
Stop talking to him, and do not contact his girlfriend anymore. You told her once, and she didn’t believe you. There’s nothing you can do or say that will make her trust your word over her boyfriend’s. He lied to you, he’s likely lying to her — stay away from both of them if you don’t want to get sucked into drama.June 9, 2017 at 7:53 am #689860
On a side bar it’s amazing how, as I’m getting older, it’s easier to peg people as young. As a young person I would feel like the LW. Wanting to get justice and tell the GF that her BF is a scumbag. But really, it’s not her place and not her battle. As I get older I realize that and learn lessons the hard way sometimes. I just wish I knew what I know now – back when I was young. Would have saved a lot of frustration on my end I’m sure.
Yay to growing up.