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Help for hoarding parents

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This topic contains 39 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar LisforLeslie 5 months ago.

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  • #677709 Reply
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    dinoceros
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    My mom is a hoarder too. It’s somewhat mild in that it’s not dirty so much as cluttered. She has a room that’s basically just full of boxes, and the guest room that I sleep in is slowly filling with boxes around the bed. There was one visit where the bed had boxes on it, and I had to sleep on the couch, but I kind of put my foot down and said that the next time I visited, the bed needed to be usable, and it was. Aside from that, the rooms she uses are just cluttered, but not like stacks of boxes and stuff. She makes some progress sometimes, like having basically everything in her outdoor storage shed being hauled off (maybe it was her fear of spiders that helped with that one?). Anyway, I don’t plan to do anything about it unless it becomes a sanitation issue. I expect that if I decide to bring a partner home for holidays or something that we’ll stay in a hotel because it’s too little open space for an additional guest. I know that at some point, I’m probably going to have to spend a lot of money to have people get rid of this stuff, but it’s one of those bridges I will cross when I come to it.

    #678495 Reply
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    kierramm
    Member

    I totally understand where your coming from but from what it sounds like there’s just up in age and stuck in their ways. I don’t know how it is in your neighborhood but in mine it’s mandatory that your yard is kept up but unless you have a cousin or some other sort of relative you might have to cut the grass yourself. I know it’s not the most enjoyable chore but I feel like it’s not fair to the neighbors or neighborhood to have to live next to such an eye sore. At least let the outside look presentable. But when it comes to the inside of their home I wouldn’t necessarily throw anything away I’d probably just dust as often as possible so they don’t have to breath in all that dust and debris and importantly make sure they can walk around freely without fear of the tripping or falling on/over anything. Just make it as safe as possible with nothing blocking the exits just in cause an emergency happens and emt’s need to get to someone or there’s a fire and they need to evacuate. Other than that just let them enjoy their home how they want for as long as they can and after you inherit the house you can still hire a couple of people to remove everything.

    #678556 Reply

    Wow, do I understand this one. I lived this when my dad was alive. He was a huge hoarder and it isn’t a small thing when you alone will deal with it one day.

    I remember the mountains of trash and debris I had to climb over to just locate my Dad’s important papers, bills, personal items, photos, and other cherished mementos. In my case, this was my childhood home, so it was also very emotional to see it become one big dumpster. I had a hard time understanding why my dad needed so much “stuff” later in life. I suppose it was like an addiction for him that he seem to have little control over. He was completely bankrupt by the time he died.

    The good news is, is that there are services that will come in and empty out the house completely. I don’t remember the cost since the bank owned his house, but I do remember seeing the huge dumpsters outside his driveway.

    Hopefully your parents will set money aside for this clean-out. It is indeed not fair that you will get left with it.

    What I can tell you also is that there is nothing you can say or do to get them to stop. It truly is a disorder and one that only the professionals can help with. Your parents would have to want the help as well.

    You do have time to do some planning, so see what services are there and see what the costs are. Good luck.

    #678710 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    At some point your parents are going to be too frail or ill to remain home. At that point you can determine the best course of action. If the house is in disrepair, you can sell it to a contractor who can tear it down. If there is something you would like from the house like China or a memento, you could ask for it now or wait. The longer you wait, the less you’ll probably want it.

    What you can’t count on is:
    1. Your parents suddenly being able to manage their crap
    2. The house having any worth – consider it a total write off

    When the time comes – hire the professionals. For a small fee, they’ll come in, assess and help you sell anything worth selling. THe rest can go into a skip. Hire a trash removal company, or sell the place as is to the contractor. Take a few thousand off for trash removal.

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